Diomedes: By the Good Goddess, what a horror of a Trojan!

Odysseus: But what a specimen! He must be the only living mind made of 100% pure id.

Diomedes: What's purid?

Odysseus: Well, I was thinking about the human brain, and I concluded that it must have three parts. Priam thought it was a brilliant idea, so I called it Troyian psychology in honour of his city--he's getting away while we philosophize! After him!

Dolon: Time to split or be split.

He bolts, but Diomedes grabs him and stabs him.

Odysseus: What a senseless waste.

Diomedes: He shouldn't have been in our camp if he was seeking to preserve his life.Odysseus. I suppose you're right. Let's go make our report.

Exeunt. Enter Agamemnon and Menelaus.

Menelaus: There; don't you feel better in the open air?

Agamemnon: Is that a dead body?

Dolon tries to crawl off inconspicuously.

Menelaus: It looks like a dog to me. Poor thing. Some child must be sobbing her heart out tonight.

Agamemnon: Well, go find her, then. I'd love some company.

Menelaus: Agamemnon?

Agamemnon: Nn.

Menelaus: What's really upsetting you?

Agamemnon: I don't know, Menelaus. Is it that we're doomed without Achilles? Is it that we've been beating our hearts against the walls of Troy for nine years? Is it that I know I've got nothing to return to except a vicious bitch of a wife who hates me right back? What about my daughter? She's not dead, but she's been taken away forever. Maybe it's that the only person I can talk to harbours sadness, too. And there's always that curse I inherited.

Chorus: The curse of Atreus.

Menelaus: Oh, my brother. After all these years, it's still Atreus who grieves you?

Agamemnon: Atreus? What about my uncle?

Chorus: The furies of Thyestes.

Agamemnon: What about my mother, who threw herself into his arms to usurp my father?

Chorus: Unfaithful Aerope.

Agamemnon: What about my cousin who lies in hiding, waiting for the chance to return to kill me?

Chorus: Aegisthus the Exile.

Agamemnon: My whole House!

Chorus: The House of Atreus.