Iliad: The Musical
Incongruencies with Homer's Text
Nestor Nestor is presented in the musical as being a cunning old man pretending to be senile. In Homer's Iliad, Nestor is disturbingly eager to have other people take his advice (which was generally more coherant than "Fat juicy rabbits by the score!"). Justification: tried to give Nestor a small level of depth.
Breseis Contrary to her portrayal as a clever, bitter slave girl, Breseis constantly gives evidence of being weepy, mushy, and kind of boring. She was also engaged to Patroclus (Pat being the only nice Achaian around). Justification: needed contrast to Helen.
Most importantly, Achilles does NOT die right there and then (unfortunately). He lives for quite some time. In fact, the real plot is more like this (cool parts in bold):
After Hector's death, Troy mourns. The women wail and tear their clothes. Then in comes a tirade of Amazon warrior women, led by the ultra-hot Penthesilea. They get immediately slaughtered. Then in comes a tirade of Ethiopians, led by the ultra-hot Memnon (no relation to the King of Kings). They get immediately slaughtered, although a duel between Achilles and Memnon lasts long enough for two or three stock Homeric similes.
Then, Paris gets a brilliant idea. From far away--enough to look like some kind of bronze god in the wierd lighting---he mercilessly slaughters Achilles.
Meanwhile, the Greeks go in search of an old, bitter looney they'd abandoned on an island ('cause he screamed too loudly). By dipping arrows in his own blood, he manages to slaughterParis. Paris dies because his Ex is too bitter to save him. Nobody cares enough to have a funeral. Instead of giving Helen back, for some reason they give her to Deiphobus "Some Guy" Priamson.
Then, Odysseus dresses up as a crazy hobo and goes around dissing the families of various Greeks. Too bad for him that when he starts to slam the easy target of the House of Atreus, he incurrs a beating from Agamemnon. He runs away to Troy. Helen doesn't recognize him in crazy hobo form, but she gives him a steamy bath. Then she helps him to steal some rock called the Luck of Troy. Odysseus runs away and gives the stone to the Greeks. Nobody really gets slaughtered. Lots of people get mad, though.
Odysseus then comes up with a great idea: the Wooden Horse (Breseis is not involved in the creation--nor is Agamemnon---except to heckle him and occassionally give him a whack for insulting his family). Then the Greeks leave, and most of the main heros hide in the belly of the horse. They sneak inside. The Trojans get roaring drunk, and Helen takes this opportunity to lead the women away in a wild Bacchan secret rite. During this, she throws up a torch into the air, signalling the Greeks that it's safe for them to attack. (This last bit dependant on the source.)
The Greeks take this moment to attack. They leap out from the Horse (Menelaus, according to lore, being the first to descend), and slaughter everyone they can see (most of what they can see has passed out from too much booze). They open the gates of Troy, inviting their army inside to burn and pillage. Soldiers slay babies that belonged to Hector. Meanwhile, Menelaus runs through the flaming wreck of Troy, looking for Helen. He finds "Some Guy" in her bed and slaughters him. He tries to kill her, but can't--she's too hot, and besides, Odysseus thought it might be a bad idea (cause she'd helped him with the Luck of Troy).
The Greeks sail home, triumphant. Too bad, cause most of them are slaughtered on their way home, falling prey to pointy rocks, poisonous beasts, and invisible whirlpools. Not to mention the hot babes living on desert islands. But hey, most of that's in the Odyssey.