1. Concentrate on your character and holiness. This is God's will. When the writers of the New Testament focus on God's will for our lives, the main point they make is that our character and our holiness are the issue. Our choices on how we behave, think, and speak come out of who we are - our heart. If our heart is dark, then what we choose to do will not be in accordance with God's will. If our heart is turned toward God, and we are seeking to be who He wants us to be, then what we choose to do will be in line with God's will and purpose for our lives. Read 1 Samuel 16:7.
2. Concentrate on eternity. Don't sacrifice your future because something looks too difficult to do or seems exciting or pleasurable. Another way of saying that is: do not sacrifice long term gain because of short term pleasure or because you want to avoid some discomfort. This can be really hard as you work to bring change in your life. But, there are many consequences for selfish decisions. Compare Lot with Abraham. Lot thought he was getting the best grazing land for himself, so he didn't think about the possible consequences of settling near Sodom and Gomorrah. Read Genesis 13: 10-18. But living so close to these sinful cities cost him the life of his wife and the purity of his daughters. Yet Abraham was willing to take the grazing land that was not as good. It seemed like a foolish decision at first, but he was the one who prospered. In Hebrews 11: 9-10 we find that it was Abraham's faith in the future that was his driving force and kept him loving and serving God.
3. Recognize and list the effects of a bad decision. Ask yourself - is it really worth it? Remember, in the example above Lot lost his wife and all his possessions.
4. Forget about pleasing yourself. The Apostle Paul asks two people to work in harmony and not to lace their selfish desires first. Read Philippians 4:2. Do what would be most honoring to God and others, not just what will please you..
5. Greater freedom requires greater dependence on God. Do what is clear in scripture even if you do not want to. Read Proverbs 3: 5-6. Listen to your thoughts in prayer and the council of your spiritual advisors. Remember that God is in control and living by faith is living without having to scheme. Remind yourself that God does not operate on the same time -table as you do.
TOOLS FOR POSITIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION
1. Whenever you are listening, take time to look at the person who is talking. Give him or her your undivided attention. Turning your whole body to face them is important.
2. Seek to understand what the other party is really thinking. Don't try to figure out what you are going to say in response. Just listen. That alone might solve the conflict. Read Proverbs 18: 73.
3. After you have listened, tell the person what you heard him or her say and what you understand to be their feelings. Ask if you're right. This way you make sure you're on the same channel. This is called reflective listening.
4. If you are on the same channel, then explain how you are thinking and feeling about what they have shared. This is called communication!
5. It takes a mature person to give in, so give in unless it is impossible. Caution - Sometimes "giving in" easily is used as a way to avoid or run from conflict. This behavior often results in bitterness because the issue is never resolved and the emotions are only stuffed., not dealt with. There certainly is a time and a place to give in. Read Philippians 2: 3-4. But being a doormat due to low self-esteem can result in you feeling angry as well as promoting selfishness in the other person.
6. As a last resort, you can solve much conflict by geography. You just get away from the conflict by leaving the room, going for a walk, or if those options aren't possible, at least end the conversation. Give yourself and the person you are having a conflict with time to think things through, get some counsel, and try again later when things have settled down.
7. One satisfying habit to develop is when you discover you are wrong, promptly admit it! Try it...it's liberating!