MINISTERING TO THE DYING

Ministry to the dying is a powerful experience for a pastoral
caregiver who is able to share in the final weeks, days, and
minutes of a fellow faithful Christian. You are able to enter the
person's life space and share your strong conviction in the
resurrection.

Here are some things you can do before, during, and after death:
Before:

1 Be present to the person on a regular basis - as much as the
person wants and as frequently as your schedule permits. As
you gain the person's trust, he or she will be more
comfortable sharing feelings, fears, and hopes with you.

2 Be prepared for anger. This is a common feeling of the
dying, Why is this happening to me?

3 While family members usually help make the dying process
easier, not everyone deals with it in the same way. You may
be able to help by bringing all family members together to
talk and listen to one another and to share their feelings
about death and dying.

4 Encourage family members to allow children and grandchildren
to visit the person who is dying as much as both parties are
able.

5 During your visits listen more than talk.

6 Do not try to answer any medical questions.

7 Offer to read from the Bible and pray with the dying person.

8 Keep the church pastor apprised of the dying person's
condition.
During:

1 At the time of death, make sure friends and family members
are made welcome.

2 The senses of touch and hearing are the last to diminish as
one dies. Even comatose and sedated people can feel and hear.
Let the person know who is in the room. Speak directly into
the person's ear. Encourage family and friends to tell the
dying person how much he or she is loved.

3 Contact your pastor. Make sure the dying person has the
opportunity to receive the sacraments of the church.

4 Remind the dying person that it is all right to "let go"
because God has His arm stretched out to welcome him or her.

5 Do not talk about the dying person in the past tense as
though he or she is already deceased. This can be upsetting
for someone who can hear but not respond verbally.

6 A dying person may be delirious at times, or be confused.
They may have visions of deceased relatives and begin
speaking to them. Others may see a bright light.

7 Respond in encouraging terms. Be honest if you are having
trouble understanding the dying person. I think you are
trying to tell me something important and I am trying very
hard, but I am just not getting it. I will keep trying.

8 Some people will delay the timing of their death, waiting to
die until certain people arrive or until others leave.

9 The process of dying may take place over a period of hours
or even days. Their condition may show improvement for a
time.
After:

1 Support the family. Be available to listen without being
obtrusive.

2 Offer to pray with the family.

3 Encourage the offspring of the deceased to put aside
feelings of guilt. If not addressed early on, guilt can cause
a great amount of lasting emotional scars.

4 Do not be reluctant to frequently mention the deceased
person's name and to encourage reminiscing by family members.

5 Make an effort to attend the funeral.

6 Maintain contact with the family and friends in the days,
weeks, and months afterward. Do this by phone calls, letters,
and personal contact.

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Fr. J. Daniel Dymski is a priest in the diocese of
Erie, Pa. He has spent most of his 38 years in the
priesthood involved in some way in the pastoral care
of older adults.

Excerpted from A Caregiver's Companion by J. Daniel
Dymski. Copyright (c) 1997 by Rev. J. Daniel Dymski.
Used by permission of Ave Maria Press, Inc., P.O. Box
428, Notre Dame, IN 46556. This book is available
from the publisher (1-800-282-1865, fax:
1-800-282-5681 or email:

avemariapress@nd.edu) or at
your local religious bookstore.