Patsy
I am a 47 year old female from Ireland. I too have suffered as much as yourself with this horrible pd. I would very much like to share my successes and failures with others, thank God for the Internet. I don't feel so lonely now knowing there are others out there that know I'm not nuts.
I have lost an awful lot in life due to this disorder and now have come to a standstill with it. I need to move on from this stage for the next challange. I would give anything to be able to get into the car and drive so freely as I used to. From the heart I miss MY CONFIDENCE so much. I used to able to walk on clouds, now I feel great if I can just walk around town or enjoy a little victory like having a meal out. I would say I have lost many friends or failed to make new ones because of my fear. I have put up barriers that would take an awful lot of sledge hammers to knock down. I like to feel 'safe' in my own zone. But I do keep trying and I'll never give up. I would absolutely love to correspond with the male side of this equation. Do men understand this condition or is it that more women suffer from it or are prepared to talk about it?.
My philosophy in life?
I really have a belief that there is no problem that cannot be solved. I know I can help others. After all I took one little baby step after another some 16 yrs ago, and they led me to be able to walk around unaided in any crowded situation and feeling very comfortable. I found my own techniques to do this and they work. It took some years but I here now, still alive, in fact much more alive and savouring my victory!!!.
I learned a lot about accepting my limits, but if I wake up one day and feel I MIGHT just about do that today I'll do it. It might feel uncomfortable at first or downright scared but I'll have a go and who knows sometimes I feel I've conquered the world. The downside to it is waking up the next day and being in such a state of anxiety I just could not physically or mentally have a go at all because I feel such low energy and emotionally drained. I keep reminding myself THE ONLY WAY IS UP..
I have 3 cats and 2 dogs a very inattentive husband, 4 great big kids youngest 17, all great and doing very well. I adore my gardening and writing and reading.....a good movie and eating out. I live in the heart of the Irish countryside on twelve acres having moved from the city of Dublin just over a year ago. I am surrounded by nature at it's very best. And yes I still do get panic attacks..
Sometimes I feel emotionally detached from people. Maybe I come across as cold and indifferent and that I don't care - well sometimes I don't. I believe this is all to do with PD. and the way we build up our defences so we can't hurt so much. It's painful enough living with yourself and your problem without having others to worry about too. So you become selfish with your feelings and have little time for fools. People irritate you and bore you to death so you say why bother making any effort at all. Well Eileen that's how I feel anyway. Maybe somebody out there feels as I do..
