There was a time, not long ago,
When I feared to go outside.
I would sit and look through my window,
While all hope inside me died.
For why in the world would I want to go out
When the bones in my legs turned to jelly,
When sweat poured quite freely,
And breath came in gasps,
And butterflies gnawed at my belly.
When dizziness caused me to weave left and right,
And things all around became blurred,
Can you imagine why, I would venture outside?
To do so was totally absurd.
So day after day I would say to myself,
"Don't put yourself through all that.
"Stay inside where you're safe,
Where you feel most at ease,
Where life is so simple and pat."
So I sat there and waited, for what I don't know,
And instead of feeling secure,
I knew I'd never be free,
If I didn't take that first step, To open that door.
I realized life was passing me by,
While I took the easy way out,
I sure wasn't helping myself doing this,
I had to get out and about.
And I did, and now I walk to the store,
Alone...and elsewhere with friends,
I've conquered some fears,
And I'll keep right on,
Until panic and anxiety ends.
I'm sure that it will if I keep up the fight,
As I've said, some fears have since flown,
I don't always need to have someone in sight,
And I can now take a shower alone.
Wait! Let me rephrase that, so you won't get confused,
I mean...alone in the house...no one there,
But I'm sure it's much nicer in a shower for two,
And just maybe he's out there somewhere.
Now I don't have to make a note of the space,
Where my companion might park the car,
And they don't have to park...inside the front door,
And I don't mind if places are far.
I now can be dropped off, my ride can go on,
Not alone now...not yet...but I try.
I hold my head up as I walk through the stores,
And look everyone straight in the eye.
Those little successes may not seem like much,
But to me they are monumental,
I thought them impossible at one point in my life,
Yet in time, they'll be quite incidental.
There are still many hurdles I must overcome,
But I feel deep inside I can do it,
For we all must be free,
Yes...I know that now,
And with patience and time...
I'll get through it.
By Eileen Power. © 1988
