 If you're a parent, you already know to what extremes you'll go to try and please your children. The older they get, I find, the greater the demands. They now live in an adult world and want you to share it with them.  Such was the case with my daughter. She had recently moved away from home to a town 250 miles away and decided that it was time for me to visit her. You'll understand why I made light of the idea when I tell you that I hadn't ventured more than 30 miles in 27 years. She became more insistent and I continued making excuses until, can you believe this? I had exhausted every excuse I had written in my tiny black book! Shame on me! So, one day when the gods were smiling on me and the moon was in the seventh house, I told her I would go. Her fiance, Joe would call for me and drive me there. I had two weeks in which to drive myself crazy. The first week, I did my ostrich routine..devoiding my head of all thought. Two days before I left, I threw several articles of clothing into a suitcase...then hid it! And then the terrible thoughts came. We would meet with a terrible accident...a moose would run from the woods into the path of the car...car boils over...I'm left alone while Joe searches for water...we run out of gas...I'm left alone while Joe searches for a service station...Joe suffers an attack of some thing or another...(I'm not clear on just what kind of attack)...I have to seek aid for him. Well, that just about took care of the material aspect of the trip...now on to the emotional side of going such a distance, such as...how long will my bladder hold out?...what if I have a panic attack? (Joe has been given a crash course on the subject of panic disorder) but I don't fully understand it all myself, and I've had it for 14 years! What if...I hyperventilate? What if I get car sick? What if...? And should by some miracle unbeknownst to me, we should reach our destination without incident, I still have to face the fact that my daughter lives on the fourth floor with a balcony! I'll not get on the elevator nor the balcony! All this going through my mind before I'm even in the car! What parents won't do for their children! Joe called for me early Friday morning and a quick glance in my direction told him that this wouldn't be a fun trip...what did he expect to see? Me turning cartwheels? I got into the car, buckled up, looked longingly at my front door and we were off! I waited for the panic to come...expected it...but it was taking it's time! On and on we drove, over hill and dale with me experiencing just mild anxiety. I've had greater anxiety at home. I know...wait until we reach the half-way point! I read signs...large and small...aloud! Joe wishes he had a gag. I chew on mints, sip drinks from the close-at-hand soda bottle...read more signs...remove my sweater...put it back on...sit forward...back...sideways...stretch my legs...draw them up to my chin...read more signs, talk some more. Cresting several hills caused anxiety, especially when the top revealed miles and miles of open space. At those times I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to alleviate the sensation of floating in space.. And then we're there! Nothing that I had predicted had come to fruition! No moose in our path...no flats...no empty gas tank...Joe didn't have an attack...(unless you call a temporary urge to choke me as an attack!) And my bladder held out for over 100 miles, which makes me wonder why the path to my bathroom is well worn!. The elevator posed no problem as I was too tired after the four hour trip to even think of walking up four flights of stairs. And why shouldn't I walk out onto the balcony? I deserved that balcony to walk out onto, to survey my surroundings and to silently shout to the world that "I WANTED TO WANT TO...AND I DID!! by Eileen Power Written in 1989 ©    *I also wrote a humorous poem in relation to my trip to Gander. It is now in my poetry section or you can click here if you would like to take a look. Eileen |