| Lavicka says: ok... i have alot of information to give out tonight, so i would appreciate it if you have any comments or questions if you would please follow the IR community guidelines and use the ? for questions. i will get to you as soon as i can. Lavicka says: tonights discussion, as we know, is about Abuse vs. BDSM. how do we know the differnce? how do we explain that difference to those who see nothing but hiting, marks and/or bruises? Lavicka says: this explanation can be hard to understand for many reasons... Lavicka says: both a dominant and an abuser seek to have control. Lavicka says: the dominant acepts what is given freely and cares for what is given, where the abuser takes the control and destroys. the abuser manipulates with deception and/or intimidation. Lavicka says: a bdsm relationship has many similarities to an abusive relationship. some of the words used in describing abuse are the same terms we use within bdsm (making it that much harder), and a bdsm relationship can have many similarities to an abusive relationship (again, making it harder). Lavicka says: but the differences can be found in definition... Lavicka says: lets look at abuse first. Lavicka says: Webster's dictionary states abuse as: Lavicka says: 1. improper use or handling; misuse. Lavicka says: 2. physical maltreatment. Lavicka says: 3. sexual abuse. Lavicka says: 4. an unjust or wrongful practice. Lavicka says: and 5. insulting or coarse language. Lavicka says: straightforward enough. im sure not many of us would have needed to go into a dictionary to figure that out. Lavicka says: now lets look at what Webster's has to say about safe, sane and consensual, the words we refer to as the bdsm credo or law: Lavicka says: safe: 1. secure from danger, harm or evil. Lavicka says: 2. free from danger. Lavicka says: 3. free from risk; secure. Lavicka says: 4. affording protection. Lavicka says: sane: of sound mind; mentally stable. Lavicka says: consensual: 1. of or expressing a consensus. Beethoven says: being abused. I HAVE been there. Lavicka says: 2. law, existing or entered into by MUTUAL consent without formalization by document or ceremony. Lavicka says: now after reading the rather dry (i admit it, sorry) definitions of each of these words, is there anyone who can tell me its not easy to see the differences? Lavicka says: it's these differences that make bdsm play and domestic violence 2 very different things. but in the eyes of an outsider, and sometimes even those who we assume know the difference, these differences come down to a very fine line. Lavicka says: just where the line is drawn does depend on the relationship, with some exceptions. Lavicka says: at no time in a bdsm relationship should someone be forced to do something 'because you are the submissive and i am your master/mistress.' Lavicka says: at no time in a bdsm relationship should someone be made to give up their self esteem, their family or friends, contact with the outside world or whatever hobbies make them happy to 'better serve' their dominant or 'have more time' for their dominant. Lavicka says: if you're wondering if you're in an abusive relationship (or if someone else may be), there are some questions you can ask yourself... |
| Ice Fire |
 |
| BDSM vs Abuse |