A Report On The Tao of Pooh

Once, there was a Person. This Person was asked to read a book, and write something about the book. This book was called ‘The Tao of Pooh’. So he read the book and when he was finished reading, he started to write something about the book, just as he was told to do. He wondered how he ought to start.

“Perhaps”, he thought, “I will start by saying ‘The Tao of Pooh is a very interesting book’. Then, I will go on to say why it is interesting, but only in very little detail, because I would like to save the larger details for later, so that my report will be long. Then, I will write a little background on Taoism and Winnie the Pooh, since those things are what the book is about. I may have to search the Internet for some information.

“Then I suppose, I could explain what the book covers chapter by chapter. And finally I could give my thoughts on what the book said, whether I Liked it, whether I Agreed with it, and what I Learned from it. Yes, that would be a good report.”

So having thought all that and sat in his writing position in front of a computer, the Person began to write as he had planned. But something began to nag him. It was a quiet feeling at first, but the feeling grew and grew. Eventually he could not ignore it. He’d had this feeling before, many times. He felt like he was Missing The Point. He felt like he hadn’t really Learned something, though he thought he had.

He thought for a while, and kept thinking, and thinking, and thinking. But the more he thought, the less he seemed to be getting anywhere. So he stopped thinking and started humming along to the music he was listening to, because he was tired. Then, after he had been Just Like That for a while, something hit him.

“I’m being like Owl”, he said, “trying too hard to appear Knowledgeable. I’m also being like Rabbit, trying too hard to give Clever arguments”. He decided he needed to write the report another way. But he had great difficulty starting, because he was used to writing Clever and Knowledgeable reports. He wasn’t sure if he knew how to write Stupid and Ignorant reports. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

However, he was determined to prove he had not Missed The Point, and attempted to write a Stupid and Ignorant report. He had read plenty of Stupid and Ignorant reports before, mostly written by friends who had come to him asking for his advice on how to write Clever and Knowledgeable ones, so he felt like he could easily write a Stupid and Ignorant report.

However, every time he tried to write something he thought ought to be in such a report, he struggled, because he kept trying to be Clever and Knowledgeable. He kept asking himself, “Is this too Stupid?”, and “Is this too Ignorant?”. He didn’t know how to just write Stupid and Ignorant things, and that made him feel Stupid and Ignorant all by itself. Furthermore, something began to nag him again. The feeling did not start out so quiet this time, and it grew much faster. And again he could not ignore it, and again he knew that he was Missing The Point.

He sat there and thought and thought and thought. But just like before, the more he thought, the less he felt like he understood anything. Then he stopped thinking, and again he hummed along to the music he was listening to, because he felt tired. Then, after he had been Just Like That for a while, something hit him.

“I’m being like Tigger”, he said, “because I’m trying to do something I was not Meant To Do”. So now this Person felt defeated, because if he wrote a Clever and Knowledgeable report, it would mean he had Missed The Point, and if he wrote a Stupid and Ignorant report, it would mean that he was doing something he was not Meant To Do.

He sighed, a sad and defeated sigh, because he didn’t know what to write. So he began singing a song to himself, a song he had made up, because he was sad, and singing made him happy. The song goes like this:

“Kevin, Charlene and Lydia

Going to the mountains, driving in a car

They intend to get away from where they were

Kevin and Charlene and Lydia, driving in a car

Charlene pipes up and asks "how far, how far"?

"I'm tired of sitting inside this car"

"I want to be where the mud trails are"

Kevin and Charlene and Lydia, driving in a car

There is another guy in the front seat

He's trying to stay awake, but he's falling asleep

There've been times when he was in too deep

He's been to the mountains before in his dad's Jeep

And there's a red truck whizzing by

But they don't notice, they're too high

On talk and thoughts and a radio lullaby

And on shapeless shapes dancing in the sky

(The day goes by all by itself

It doesn't need drivin'

It goes by all by itself

Regardless if you're ridin')

Kevin, Charlene and Lydia

Going to the mountains, driving in a car

The ground is so close, and yet it's so far

Kevin and Charlene and Lydia, driving in a car

They'll soon be where the mud trails are

Kevin and Charlene and Lydia, driving in a car”

When he finished singing, he felt very happy, because he liked songs, especially songs he’d made up by himself. So in contentment he closed his eyes to have a nap. Then something hit him.

“I know”, he said, “I won’t write an report. I’ll write a story.” And so he wrote a story, and he enjoyed writing it, because stories didn’t have to be Clever or Knowledgeable. Stories didn’t even have to Have A Point, or be Completely True, as long as they were nice to read. Most importantly, he loved to tell stories, and so it was something he was Meant To Do. When he was finished, he called the story ‘A Report On The Tao of Pooh’, and this is how that story ends.