9. The city that brought us quality canuck rock like April Wine, Triumph, and Max Webster deserves these doily-waving prancers.

8. When they are allergic to bee stings, do they break out in hifes?

7. Don't you just hate clofes in your ham? If one gets caught in your throat, you may get the heafs.

6. There was more noise in Air Canada Arena for the Corey Hart Comeback Tour than when the Leafs score a goal.

5. When you go to the store, don't forget to pick up a couple loafs of bread.

4. The 11 points on their leaf logo equals the IQ of Tie Domi.

3. That Superman Christopher Reefs zigs, zags, and weafs around those tall buildings.

2. Since when is a maple leaf BLUE?

1. Don't let me catch you eafsdropping…it's one of my pet peefs.

WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh." The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in absolute misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."

HUMOR AT THE LEAFS EXPENSE

What do you call the area behind the Toronto Maple Leaf's net?
The Red-Light District.

What do Whales and Leafs have in common?
They both get confused when surrounded by ice.

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette machine?

A cigarette machine generally has Players.

Maple Leaf Goalie Felix Potvin failed in his suicide attempt today when the bus he through himself in front of went through his legs.

  THE BEST LEAFS JOKE EVER

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Leafs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Leafs fans too. Not really knowing what a Leafs fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. A little girl has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Leafs fan,” she retorts. “Then,” asks her teacher, “what are you?” “I’m a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan. “Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I’m a Wings fan too,” she responds. The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot What would you be then?”

“Oh,” says the little girl. “Well, then I’d be a Leafs fan.”"

TAKE THAT LEAFS !