Note: I think that reality is made up by dreams, lies, stories and actual events, because of the way these are shaped and joined together in our minds. By now, you’ll realise I like irony. White butterflies signify the souls of the dead.
kunitsu-kami - earthbound god/spirits in Shintoism // amutsu-kami – god/goddesses of the heavens in Shintoism ==== see end for other notes.
Hourglass – eighteen.
Kyo opened the door and stared at Toshiya and Kaoru. Toshiya raised his eyebrows at his dumbfounded expression. Kaoru waved his hand in front of his face, and he blinked but continued staring. He leaned against the doorframe, effectively barricading it.
“What the fuck are you two doing here?”
Kaoru smiled, “Well, that was a very lovely greeting, but in case you don’t know, we know your address, we know your name, we know you, we took a train, used the lift and then we found the door. Amazing, isn’t it?”
He gave him a dirty, “Remind me to snap your tongue back.”
“It’s been done.”
Toshiya leaned on the doorframe, “Aren’t you going to let us in?”
“Are you going to steal my bed?”
Toshiya pushed his face back and jammed his foot in the doorway, “No, you twit! Let us in, it’s freezing outside. Do you want your neighbour poking their heads into this? No, I don’t think so. Well then move.”
Kaoru and Toshiya sat on the sofa together and started talking in hushed voices. Kyo eyed them suspiciously, wondering if they were up to something; people don’t turn up in the middle of the night for tea and cookies. People only turn up when people have died or the sky was falling down; maybe an earthquake but there weren’t too many of them recently.
He shrugged and closed the door.
“Have fun with my couch, cos I’m going to bed. And Kaoru, I don’t give a stuff what you think host etiquette is; you guys are terrible guests anyway. So, goodnight; it has long been in my experience that whatever people stay up for is not worth it.”
+
“I’m not going back there,” I whispered, “No way am I going back there.”
“But it’s not real, Toshiya. And even if it was Makiko, she doesn’t want to hurt you; she only wanted to send you off before she went to the underworld. It’s perfectly alright.”
“You think I’m hallucinating, don’t you? You think that the girl you met is real, don’t you? Fine, don’t believe me if you want to but you are not, and I repeat, NOT, going back.”
Kaoru stared, “I . . . you’re really freaked by this, aren’t you?”
I tapped my dry fingers to my chin, and watched him under the dim glow of streetlights. He was very pale in pallor; his bone structure was unusual but I liked the softness surrounding his eyes. I lacked softness, the bottom rim straight. But his mouth, fluid mouth; lips of expression, lips of soft and sombre curves.
“How would you feel if a ghost came and picked me up?”
He smiled, “Grateful that you’re not a necrophiliac.”
+
Three nights empty and the moon was high on the fourth. He followed the path of pale light till he came to place where there was magic; it worked silently in the rippling waters. He caught a beautiful turtle that night, his first in a while; it was the colour of the evening sky; soft lilacs. It looked at him with soft eyes and he let it go.
The moon peeked out from under the heavy clouds and the water was calm once more. He went home and slept. He came back the next night to the enchanted place, some mystical power propelling him to row. The turtle was waiting for him, bathed in moonlight. Kaoru spoke and took him by the hand. The jade corridors of the palaces went before his eyes. He saw delicate sea-ferns and a garden of mother-of-pearls. Soft and seductive music through empty and vast halls.
The Garden of Four Seasons. In each corner bloomed flowers and fruit of each. Showers of cherry blossoms gave way to green willows and summer fruits; tawny autumn chrysanthemums nestled against sparse bamboo thickets of winter. Sweet idleness . . . blissful contentment. Too much of a good thing. The dreamlike landscapes broke up before his eyes, and the feel of Kaoru’s dry palms made him itch to release his hands from this hold.
He wanted clamour, he wanted noise; he wanted . . .
Kaoru offered a jewelled box, ‘Grasp it hard and I’ll come for you.’
The moon rose and silvered the waters. He passed the coral archway and looked back. He kept looking back . . . kunitsu-kami . . . earthbound . . . or was it amutsu-kami?
She flicked her hair back, “The moral of that story Toshiya, is that people always want more. A perfect world just doesn’t feel right to people; Urashima felt that, and he answered it by denying his happiness. In turn, he died and was denied everything. The thing is, he should have just stuck with the happiness. It wasn’t even as if there was a possibility of greater happiness. I mean, for god’s sake, he was in love with an otherworldly being who loved him back; what else does he want?”
I stretched out on the sofa and went to sleep. Kaoru turned off the table lamp. Kyo’s sofa was a big one, a sinker; you sat and disappeared among the folds and creases of cloth and foam. Good for sprawling, comfortable for sleeping; not surprising. Kaoru patted my head. I was using his leg as a pillow; good luck to circulation.
“Goodnight. Not scared, are you?”
“No, Kyo’s snoring alone scares demons away.”
“How did you live with him?”
“Earplugs, good old-fashioned earplugs.”
+
I had a dream.
A cubed room with two doors on opposite sides and each of
us holding his own doorknob. At the bat
of one's eyelash, I jumped
out from behind my door. If he uttered a single word, I closed the door behind me, so that I
could no longer be seen. I must reopen the door; it was a room impossible to
leave, so entrancing as it was.
If only he wasn't like me at all, then he would be calm
and pretend not to care in the slightest about my presence; he would slowly go
about ordering this room the way he would any other. But instead, he repeated
the same thing at his door; occasionally, both of us are standing behind our
doors at the same time and the beautiful room was empty. (*)
We never met
. . .
Tired, I opened the door and walked through the beautiful adjoining room. I stopped at the second door, a door the colour of purple. I knocked on it and waited for him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to share something, anything and everything. I was sick and tired of being alone. The first thing that you want to do when you love something is share it. The first thing you want to do when you love someone is share everything with them.
She brought her hand to her head melodramatically, “Finally! Way to go Toshiya! I thought I was going to have to die first before seeing you take the lead for once!”
But you are dead.
+
I lifted the lighter to the letter. My hands trembled, they trembled so hard the flickering flame warped and curved in the heated space, cubic centimetres length and width; carbon dioxide and heat from fire and oxygen. The writing I’ve read already . . . now all I need was for it to become ashes.
He was smoking, “So . . . what did she say?”
“For me to be happy.”
Sentimental . . . not me, but it was her. He puffed lightly on his slender roll of paper and tobacco, regarding me in the darkness of Kyo’s living room. I set the letter alight and watched it become ashes. White, pepper-grey ashes. Nothingness. The end. She was behind me now.
I went back to sleep and we left Kyo’s place in the morning. As we walked the streets without destination, I was glad to be walking with him. She was right, I guess; I wanted someone to wait for me at least. I didn’t just want it, I needed it. The need to belong and the need to eradicate loneliness.
The days are senseless now; I have no concept of time, hour, minute, second or the date. He made it merge together like chemistry experiments, like cocktails and crushed ice, like the surface of our hands. Oil and salt. It didn’t matter that we ate breakfast at 3 in the afternoon; we ate together.
+
They sat around the table and discussed the music all morning. Shinya tapped out the beat occasionally on the table. Kyo was avidly doodling all over his notebooks, sometimes picking out some words and asking Toshiya for divergent thinking advice. Toshiya put down his tub of yoghurt and closed his eyes to think. The two guitarists fiddled with the amplifier and Kaoru played around the computer checking out the latest mixing techniques.
Kyo got fed up and clicked his pencil against Toshiya’s head, “I’m going to eat your yoghurt if you don’t hurry up.”
+
“So, you’re just gonna forget she ever existed and get on with your life?” Kyo leaned against the side of the building and stared up at the sky. “Of course, I don’t disagree. Mourning’s apathetic; she would bonk you on the head with her pots if you did it.”
“She really got my life on track for me . . . she certainly cleaned you up after your little sexual escapades.”
Kyo nodded, “Yeah, and she was one tough nurse. I can still taste the gross natural medicines she gave me. Bleh.”
“But at least you weren’t out of it when you came to practice.”
“True; would have made my ‘secret’ life at lot more public.” Kyo stuck his cigarette in his mouth, “Sad; forced to be practical yet trying to save her romantic ideals, Makiko had it real complicated; you really were the last straw. So . . . what are you gonna do about Kaoru?”
“I’m currently deciding between licking him or leaving him.”
“A lot of choices there.”
Toshiya kicked the wall, “. . . situation sucks.”
+
White butterflies flew past him in the enclosed garden high up. He dropped the water spout and locked the veranda door, closing the blinds. Toshiya crawled under the bed.
“Toshiya! Toshiya! Come out, come out where ever you are!”
Makiko lifted up the sheet and smiled, “There you are. Come out.”
He starred at her bright and healthy complexion. The yurei, he thought.
“It’s alright you know, I’m not here to kill you.” She laughed, “I’m not even here to haunt you. All I want is your happiness.”
“Happiness . . .” he whispered.
She nodded, “Yes, happiness.”
“It’s such a lie . . .”
She grinned and pulled him out, “But within every untruth, there is truth abound. Don’t be stubborn. I know it sounds incredibly corny but - come into the light, Toshiya.”
“No . . .” he recoiled from her touch.
Her touch was warm, “What’s wrong? Hey, I’m not gonna hurt -! HOLY SHIT! What the hell did you do to my garden?!”
“Your garden? It’s my apartment.”
“Hello? It’s my pots and plants sitting on your veranda! Oh jeez, and my beloved Kiku is wilted.”
“Didn’t you leave it to me in your will?” He smiled.
“Yes, but give a dead woman some opening against legalities, eh?”
He nodded and laughed weakly. It felt so natural. It was so wrong.
“I may be a ghost, but I’m not dead yet.”
“You’re . . . not? What is death then?”
“What is death indeed. It’s the duality that defines so what’s the answer, Toshiya?”
“I don’t know . . .” He smiled, “I never really know if I’m alive.”
She tapped her fingers on a bell, “And you are right on the money.”
+
“You should smile.”
He smiled, “I do smile.”
“No, I mean really smile, and more. I haven’t seen you ‘really’ smile.”
He rolled his eyes, “What do you mean anyway by ‘really’ smile?”
“You smile, but . . . it’s like wrong. Too cold, too calm, like your calculating how many steps you need to take before you’ve got me trapped in a no-no situation or something devious.” Kaoru pinched Toshiya’s cheeks.
He slapped the offending hands, “Hey! That hurts! How would you like it if I did that to you?!”
Toshiya stretched Kaoru’s mouth by the skin of his cheek. Kaoru picked off his glasses and threw them behind the sofa.
“Not very likable. Go fetch your glasses.”
“I’m not a dog.”
“Hey, you’re the one who’s blind without them.”
Toshiya crawled over the sofa back for his glasses. Kaoru smacked his bottom. Toshiya shrieked and fell over the back. Kaoru looked over and grinned at him. Toshiya blinked and his head lolled as he tried to clear his eyesight. The world came into focus and he practically sneered at Kaoru’s happy face.
“Fuck you.”
“What does it feel like to be punished?”
Toshiya grabbed Kaoru by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him over, “Like this!”
Kaoru fell on him. “WHA -!”
Toshiya laughed and elbowed Kaoru in the stomach.
“Now that’s what I call a real smile.”
“That is not a smile! That’s a laugh!”
“Yes but look at you now.”
“Kaoru, dear, I know you think I’m vain but I cannot see myself. Besides, you Mister-Yeah-I’m-the-God-of-Death and all, you ain’t exactly bunnies and daffodils when it comes to smiling.”
“Your sarcasm is so touching.”
“I know, isn’t it!?” Toshiya cupped his face, batting his eyelashes and smiling in mock sweetness.
Kaoru returned to a state of hibernation; hands over face. He grinned. Kaoru peeked out.
“That’s a real smile! The ‘teethy’ ones, Toshiya, those are the real ones.”
Toshiya covered his mouth, “Ack! No fucking way! It’s not like you ever smile like that!”
“Yes fucking way!” Kaoru pried his hands away.
Die peeked over the top, “Why are you two behind the couch?”
“Can’t you see we’re busy?!”
“Well, sorry I ever asked. Pretend I didn’t show up, okay?”
Toshiya sat on Kaoru’s chest and pinned his hands under his knee. Die raised his eyebrows and Kyo joined him perched over the back of the sofa. He sniggered at the sight and offered Die a cigarette. Kyo thought it was better than wrestling; there was subtext here and he loved subtext, especially the really twisty ones. Shinya walked in the door. He thought Kyo and Die were both very strange to be watching the carpet behind the sofa. He peeked over the sofa back too.
Toshiya grinned, “Are you an exhibitionist?”
“Depends really. I’m not telling you though. ” Kaoru zipped up his mouth and smiled. “Get off, Toshiya.”
Toshiya flicked Kaoru in the forehead, “You can kiss my ass because I’m not going anywhere - yet.”
Shinya moved the sofa. “Are you going to lie there all day?”
Die and Kyo muttered warbled affirmative to the question, as well as a few other notes. Kyo thought Shinya should do more arm wrestling; who knows, maybe it’ll become his hobby. Die thought Shinya shouldn’t move furniture around sporadically. They were silenced by Shinya’s little glance. They couldn’t help the side commentary; who wouldn’t be suffering from post-traumatic stress at having the sofa move under them?
Toshiya grinned. “May~be.”
+
Kyo opened the curtains. “Princess and the Pea will be featuring tonight in the Grey auditorium. . . welcome to Theatre des Dire. Welcome, please just keep walking until you get to the large dinning hall with three j-rockers sitting at the long dinner table eating soup. For food-obsessive people, it’s just mushroom, tofu and pea soup.”
Kaoru dipped his spoon into his soup, “I want a real blue-blood, not a fake one.”
Shinya stuck his spoon in his mouth and looked over, “You want a ‘real’ princess?”
Die placed his spoon down, “You want a ‘real’ princess?”
He frowned and hunched his shoulders, “I didn’t say that! I said blue-blood, not necessarily princess. Why the hell are you all repeating what I’m saying incorrectly anyway?”
Kyo’s head popped in from the ceiling trapdoor, “Because you’re such a scintillating conversationalist, that’s why.”
He rolled his eyes.
Kyo slide down the slippery dip and jumped into Kaoru’s lap, “Hey! There’s this blue person outside who says he’s a real blue-blood, princess or no princess, and wants to stay the night.”
Toshiya stumbled down the wet tiles and smiled through layers of wet clothing, “Hello.”
“Are you a real princess?” Die asked.
Kaoru walked up and took Toshiya’s hand, pulling him immediately into a dance. “Are you a real blue-blood, he means? Don’t mind him; he’s great at performing but crappy at differences.”
He smiled, “Well, I don’t know. My mother was the Queen so I guess. It’s really up to you.”
He danced well, at least. He bowed well, at least. He had good dress sense, Kaoru decided.
Shinya balanced an uncooked pea in his spoon and smiled. “Just let him stay.”
“But how would you know?” Die asked.
Kyo plucked the pea from Shinya’s spoon and started to sing. Shinya made Die pile up 20 mattresses on the Queen size bed frame. Kyo ran for the ladder and came back with the crane instead, then curled up in the corner with his Gameboy. He used a pitchfork on every rat that came by.
Die sat on the floor exhausted, “You say you wanna test this blue-blood, and yet you make me do the hard work?”
Shinya smiled, “Yes, thanks for clearing that up.”
Morning came. Kaoru and Shinya stood next to Toshiya’s bed, waiting for the blue-blooded crow to rise.
Shinya cleared his throat, “So, um, Toshiya! How was your sleep?”
Toshiya rubbed his eyes and yawned, “Good morning. So sorry to say but it was absolutely awful . . . there was a crumb or something in my back and I couldn’t sleep all night, Shinya-kun.”
Shinya stuck his hand between two mattresses and took out a pea. He walked to the balcony and dropped it down on a patch of earth. A pea plant grew there. They said that any girl who could steal its fruit would marry in one year. Only real princesses feel the problem and not know what it was; Shinya had the same trick played on him once. Only blue-bloods could feel the problem and not know what it was, he amended; being politically correct was important to him.
“Vegetable, Shinya, ve-ge-ta-ble, not fruit, f-rui-t.” Kyo mouthed and flashed two rows of pearly whites.
Die mashed a bowl of peas in his face.
+
Kaoru sat down and placed a thick envelope on the table. Toshiya looked at it. There was no writing or any sign of what was in it. He looked up at Kaoru. Kaoru clicked on his lighter and lit himself a cigarette. Toshiya slid his hands across the table slowly and picked up the envelope. Kaoru stopped him.
“Not yet.”
Toshiya watched as Kaoru stood up and went to the cabinet where he kept liquor. Kaoru went through the selection and chose something sweet but strong. He poured some fruity liquor together in a champagne glass; strawberry and melon liquor. He brought it back to the table and placed the cup in front of Toshiya.
“Drink it.”
Toshiya took the glass, “Why?”
“Just drink it.”
Toshiya downed it with one gulp and started choking a little. His head was reeling; getting drunk so quickly wasn’t good – he could see his own pickled liver already. Kaoru got him a cup of water and sat down again. Toshiya drank some of that and stared at Kaoru, a little apprehensive.
“So . . . can I open the envelope?”
Kaoru stared at the rim of his cigarette, “Yeah . . . I just want you to know that I don’t think anything of it.”
There was no letter inside. Just photographs. Toshiya nearly fainted. He stood up and stared at the glossy prints. Him, nude and not alone, in compromising positions. His dazed expression lying under somebody; his smudged makeup. Lying on a bed, reading a book. On the floor with somebody he couldn’t even remember the name of. Him and Kyo and a few girls in a hotel room. Licking Kyo’s knee. Drenched in alcohol. Drinking cocktails in a bubble bath with 5 others.
Toshiya grabbed the photos, flicking through all off them and systematically discarding them behind him. “. . . who? Who the fuck sent this?! Where the hell did they get these??!”
Kaoru got himself some beer, “Kyo did the same thing obviously.”
“Yes . . . yes . . . but Kaoru -”
“I don’t really care . . .”
“. . .” Toshiya stood up and nodded, “I’m glad you got me drunk.”
Kaoru nodded, “Going to bed now?”
Toshiya held out his arms. Kaoru dragged him to bed. He slung him over Toshiya over his shoulder for the last few steps and threw him down hard on the bed. Toshiya exhaled loudly at the sudden jarring impact and curled up on his side. Kaoru lied down and lit a cigarette. Toshiya felt around and grabbed the ash tray on the bedside table.
“So . . . are you going to tell me something?”
“Like what?”
“Like those pictures . . . like what Kyo has to do with it . . .”
“It was a silly phase, Kaoru, just a silly infatuation. Sex parties are popular, you know. Was just a crazy, mad adventure.”
“Um, I know, I know . . . let me guess: Kyo dragged you into it? I remember being a teenager and hearing about the ‘no undies’ cafes and teahouses in Tokyo.”
“Yeah . . . yeah. No undies? What?”
“Back when I was far from legal, I heard there were these cafes and teahouses where hostesses wore little skirts without underwear and served you on roller-blades.”
“What happened to the guys?”
+
Shinya flipped through the book on Western Astrology and stopped at Kaoru’s reading: Aquarius Feb 17.
Love
You may have problems especially as you tend to express your feelings in a very distorted way.
+
‘Never go to bed mad.’ Kyo nodded his head, ‘Stay up and fight. You’ll regret it if you just leave it.’
Die pressed the button for the doorbell. No reply, so he tried again. He knocked on Toshiya’s door. No reply. He knocked again, then once more, harder and louder. Their bassist was supposed to be home. Die lifted his arm to knock again. Kaoru opened the door and pushed his hand away.
“Careful there. I’m not the door.”
“Hey, um . . . hi, eh . . . what are you doing here?”
“Opening the door for you. What does it look like?”
“This is Toshiya’s place . . . so . . . why are you opening the door?”
“What? I can’t even open the door now?”
“Well, no but – um, never mind Kaoru, just let me in. So . . .um, where’s Toshiya? Came to pick up him up; car’s better.”
Kaoru sat down and leaned over the table, pouring himself over a leaf of paper. Die noticed the table was covered in every sort of drink he could imagine, half-empty cans and bottles everywhere.
“Hello? Kaoru? Where’s Toshiya?”
Kaoru shrugged and rubbed his ankle.
Die looked around, realising he wasn’t going to help. “Toshiya? Um . . . hello? Where are you? Come out, come out wherever you are. Don’t make me beg. Toshiya!”
Silence.
“He’s not a cat, Die. You have to do better than that.”
The apartment was very clean, he noticed, probably because of Kaoru’s presence. He frowned at all the potted plants around; Toshiya with a green-thumb? Die sat down at the table, a little pissed and glared at Kaoru until he looked up.
“What?”
“Okay, what happened? What did you do to him? Where is the body?”
Kaoru went back to the crummy piece of paper, “Try the closet, or the shower cubicle or bathtub, but I think you’ll have better success searching under the bed. He’s either asleep, listening to music on his MP3 or making war weapons.”
“Why? What? Huh?” Die was completely lost. “Ex~cuse me?”
“He’s mad at me, I think. Don’t know, actually.”
“What did you do?”
“It’s funny, because I honestly don’t know. All I did was say something, and he got so mad he was thirsty. Then he did some target practice with the bottle caps, while chanting that I was a prick.”
Die shook his head. Strange friends, with even stranger relationships and bizarre habits. He was probably the most normal one. He glanced at the table; so that’s why there were bottles of drinks everywhere. Kaoru picked up the peach tea one and drank the rest. Die noticed there was no cap.
“He got angry at nothing in other words!??”
Kaoru shrugged, and smiled dryly. “Works for me. Twisted, but hey, you have to appreciate his sense of humour.”
“God, I feel sorry for you . . .”
“Don’t.” Kaoru smiled, “I might have to kill you for insulting me.”
“Fine, then I feel sorry for Toshiya for being stuck with, as he puts it, a prick.”
“Don’t encourage him; he’s probably listening. You shouldn’t feel sorry FOR me, but you should pity me. He’s treating me like the devil, while I’m the one who’s working with the principle of ‘love your enemy – it will drive him crazy’.”
Die couldn’t understand why anyone wanted to be in such a weird relationship. He’d seen them not speak to each other for days on end to prove they were together for a good reason. He’d seen them verbally sparring so hard that they had to physically fight with each other to prove their ideals wouldn’t be compromised. Kaoru blotted away the blood speckling Toshiya’s lower lip.
Kyo rolled his eyes, ‘Die, you’re don’t get it, do you? Relationships where one person is obsessed with another person is not real, because the obsessed person isn’t in control of themselves anymore, like they are with the other person because they must be, like a drug addict, and not because they want to be. It’s a free will thing. God, you’re so fucking dense.’
Die shrugged; he was a guitarist – Kyo could sprout all he wanted about human nature and love; it went right over his head. Toshiya sitting there unsmiling, next to Kaoru. Legs crossed in the classic pose of ‘don’t touch me’, talking with Shinya; Shinya asked all the questions. Kaoru ignoring everything, drawing on invisible music sheets in front of him. Die made pencil scratchings as he prescribed. Kaoru paused and touched Toshiya’s hair.
They rarely greeted each other. They left at different times. Toshiya gritted his teeth and kicked Kaoru in the parking lot with his DM boots. He stormed out of practice and cut Kaoru’s guitar wires. Mortal enemies, except their hands were laced together sitting there on the sofa. They didn’t smile around other people. They seemed unhappy to everyone; except maybe themselves. Toshiya said he liked the dryness of Kaoru.
‘He reminds me of . . . dried grass . . . you know . . . dryness . . . that smell you get from the sun . . .’
Kyo warbled between licks on a lollipop, ‘They’re completely bonkers! I’d like to say only one of them was, but I’d be lying through my teeth!’
Shinya smiled nervously, ‘What he’s trying to say is they hate each other.’
Right, he thought to himself, and that’s why they wanted to be in the same room almost constantly, almost didn’t do anything without the other tagging along, and if they weren’t physically there, would be a constant presence on the electromagnetic wavelength – that only happens when they were talking, of course. So he wasn’t an absolute expert at picking up subtext, but he wasn’t blind and deaf.
Kyo rubbed his ears, a tearful expression. ‘I want my MD back. I miss the feeling of earplugs. I think they’re in my ear, and then fuck, they’re not . . .’
Shinya’s irritated expression, ‘You have no manners at all, with your ears plugged all the time, even in front of other people, especially in front of other people!”
Kaoru read his thoughts, “It seems really strange, I know, but it’s not really, Die. We’re fine, well, okay, not at the moment but you know what I mean.”
“Right,” he drawled, “I’m just going to be leaving now. Have fun.”
Toshiya opened the bedroom door and threw his shoes at Kaoru. Die ducked and heard the cracking of glass. Kaoru calmly informed Toshiya of the damage. He couldn’t understand why he had to arrive now, in the middle of another row. Perhaps he should buy more charms from the Buddhist temple for luck.
“What the fuck was THAT for??! I’m not your target!”
Toshiya beamed and gave a quick wave, “Hi Die! Sorry about that, can’t talk, busy at the moment.”
Die picked up a book and held it to his head, “Doing what!?”
Toshiya looked decidedly mean with his basket of paper balls. Die watched Kaoru and Toshiya throw stationary at each other all night long. Kaoru kept mumbling his little chant, while Toshiya covered his ears and screamed. Die felt fifty years older with grey hairs every time Toshiya opened his mouth. Sometimes, Die was afraid, and not just a have-a-laugh afraid, but REALLY afraid of the expression Toshiya sometimes had; a look of manipulative coldness that seemed unnatural.
Unfortunately, this Toshiya wasn’t in at the moment.
Toshiya sank into the floor. “I’m sick of this! I’m sick of FIGHTING! You like me! I like you! OKAY!? Just SHUT UP!!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP SHUT UP SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT UUUUUP! You make me so FUCKING frustrated!”
Die and Kaoru stood frozen watching Toshiya standing with hands fisted, panting from his scream. His nose was red.
“Wha~t?” he asked.
There was banging on the door and Die opened it quickly spitting out some apologies and closed it. Kaoru gave Toshiya a hug. Die thought it was all very well. The bassist leaned very quietly, his arms on either side of Kaoru’s head; melting bones and resolve scattered like flowers and snow flakes. Die thought their presences was strangely muted in that moment. He felt uncomfortable. He saw something silent, like a layer of glass between him and them. Toshiya stepped on Kaoru’s toes.
“Let go, I’m thirsty from all that shouting. Die? Can we still go and pick up my car?”
Die nodded, and rubbed his ears. If only he could get rid of the ringing, this ending would be perfect. There would be champagne from the heavens and dancing on the ceiling. Yeah, he thought, champagne from the heavens indeed, that is if he still had the stomach to drink it.
“Kaoru, I know it’s about 9 now, but can we still have dinner? Die, want dinner?”
Die shook his head, and held up his hands. “No, I don’t think so! Really! Thank you but NO thank you!”
Toshiya stared at him, “I do believe you’re scared.”
+
Kaoru whistled into the night sky. They say that a snake comes to you if you whistle to the night. He prayed the right snake come to him. He wanted one that was blue, the blue snake he couldn’t catch with his magic. He picked up the knife and promised himself to pin its treacherous tail next time. He was a tiger, so maybe he could use his paws.
Arna.
Notes to explain:
I sort of mentioned the story of Urashima Taro . . . hope you know the story. Well quick and dirty: a fisherman falls in love with sea royalty – there is happiness, love yadda yadda, but he is not content, wanna go back to earth world; does, finds 300 years has passed. Was given a box by his wife, but forgets not to open it, does and he dies forever denied love and life. Oh, and Makiko saying what the moral of the story was . . . I just made that up from my own interpretation.
(Um . . . could be just me but it seems every traditional love story of Japan, well, most of them and I’ve read quite a few, is cursed . . . strange. Kyo’s songs never have a happy ending either . . . lots of memories and prose though . . . yes, lots of inspiration there *dry*)
* Quote: Franz Kafka to Milena Jesenska, June 30, 1920
(altered). As for the princess and the pea story, that has to do with Kaoru’s
personality, in that he needs proof for everything, but he’s too gullible – I
mean, truly? A pea making Toshiya/Shinya uncomfortable through 20 mattresses?