the first letter, the last letter

by Kurara

***
Part 6

As they walked into the hospital, Kohta was at the door waiting for
them. Takeo looked to Kohta's face and began to worry. "Kohta... is
it... serious?"

"He'll make it through." Takeo nodded and hugged Kohta in relief,
burying his face in the bassist's shoulder as Kohta held him. Jun just
watched, almost afraid to ask about Aiji. Kohta noticed this and looked
up to him. "Jun, we got Aiji."

Jun's eyes lit up. "Where?"

"In the psychiatric unit."

"Psy... why?"

Kohta shook his head. "He stabbed Kazu to save us. It finally caused
him to blank out and they're counseling him." Takeo turned and hugged
Jun, standing together as they lamented over thier loves. "Takeo, I'll
take you to Kirito's doctor and he'll talk to you while I take Jun to
Aiji, okay?"

Takeo nodded and extracted himself from Jun. Okay. Jun... You MUST
get Aiji to konw that your love is true." Jun nodded. "I'll say hi to
Kirito for you." The doctor came up and Kohta introduced them before
taking Jun's arm and they went to the elevator.

As they stood in the elevator, Jun hugged himself as he stood in the
corner. Kohta saw this and walked over to the guitarist, bringing him
into a hug. Jun let a sob escape his lips as his head fell into Kohta's
chest. Kohta held him tightly. "Kohta... is he... alright?"

Kohta put his head against Jun's. "Hai. He has some cuts, but he's
alright." Jun nodded and felt the elevator stop. Kohta helped him wipe
his eyes dry. "Now, look strong for Aiji."

"Hai..." They walked out once the door opened and Kohta led Jun to a
doctor.

"Kushida-san, this is Jun."

Jun bowed.

Kushida-san looked at Jun and raised her eyebrow. "You're Jun?"

"Hai."

"Aiji has talked about you. I suppose you're his lover?"

"Eh?" Jun blinked. "I... iie..." he blushed.

"Hmm... it seems like it." She smiles. "In any case, he wants to see
you."

"Hounto? Can I?" Jun's eyes widened.

"Hai. Follow me." Kushida-san led Jun to a door. She smiled before
opening it. "Aiji, you have a visitor."

"I don't want to talk to anyone." A voice from a couch in the corner
announced.

"Aiji?" Jun whispered.

There was the sound of a sudden moving as Aiji jumped off the couch and
looked over it. "Jun?"

Jun ran past the doctor and into the room, hugging Aiji tightly.
"Aiji..." Jun whimpered and held strongly to Aiji. "Please don't leave,
Aiji... please don't..."

"Jun..." Aiji was shaking. "Where am I going to stay? Kazu won't want
me... if he's still alive, that is... and I don't want to go back to my
lonely apartment..."

Jun looked up to AIji. "Aiji... live with me... I... I want you
there..."

"Jun... won't I be a burden?"

Jun shook his head. "Never... you'd make the apartment not lonely..."
He pulled away slightly, taking one of Aiji's hands and holding it to
his chest. "It's so empty here..."

"Jun... I think I killed him..." Aiji's voice cracked.

"Shh... it's okay. It was in self defence. You were very brave
and..." Jun gripped Aiji's hand tighter. "I'm proud of you."

"Proud?" Aiji whispered and Jun nodded. "You're not ashamed of me or
afraid? You don't hate me?"

Jun shook his head. "No, Aiji, I could never hate you. I'll never
hate you. You're too important to me."

Kushida-san came up to them. "Then, I'll release you to Jun, okay
Aiji? You can go, but you need to seek psychiatric counseling for at least
a year. I can refer you to a good psychiatrist. Actually, Jun, just
give me your number and I'll have him call your place to make
arrangements, okay?"

Jun nodded. Kohta walked up as well. "Aiji, your things are still at
Kazu's. I'm going to go with the police when they investigate and
gather your stuff, okay?" Aiji nodded. "Okay. I'll show you two to
Kirito's room."

They said their good-byes to Kushida-san and walked to the elevator.
Jun held onto Aiji's hand as they walked and Aiji had a distant
expression on his face. They stayed silent all the way to the floor Kirito was
on. Kohta bowed to the doctor and asked if Kirito could have visitors.
She nodded and Kohta led them into the room.

Takeo and Kirito were talking softly, Kirito wiping the tears from
Takeo's eyes. Takeo heard teh others come in and he smiled. "Hi."

Kirito looked up. "Jun... I got him back, like I promised you."

Jun nodded as Aiji went to Kirito's bedside. "You're alright?" He
asked and Kirito nodded.

"Aiji... could I talk to you alone?" Aiji bit his lip and looked to
Jun.

Takeo stood up. "I'll leave you two." He took Jun's arm and led him
out, Kohta following.

As the door clicked shut, Kirito motioned to the chair Takeo had been
sitting in. Aiji sat in it. "Hai?"

"Aiji, what do you have toward Jun? Do you have any feelings for him
past friendship?" Kirito asked, his eyes intent on Aiji's.

Aiji tried to avoid Kirito's gaze. "I don't know... but... it doesn't
matter. Even if he _did_ have any intrest in me, I'm not worthy of his
love."

"And why not?"

Aiji bit his lip. "What would I have to offer him? Nothing. I'm just
everyone's slut and I don't deserve anyone better than..."

Kirito put his fingers to Aiji's lips. "Aiji, Jun is in love with you.
If you truly care for him, you'll give him a chance. If you love him,
you know the last thing you want is for him to be hurt. Everytime
you'd go to someone else, sexually or otherwise, it would hurt him.
Everytime he'd see you in pain, he'd be hurt. When you didn't believe him
when he'd finally gathered the courage to tell you how he feels, hit hurt
him even more."

Aiji sat back and stared at the cieling. "I've... I've been hurting
Jun..." He sighed. "I've been selfish."

Kirito nodded.

"I should've killed myself a long time ago and Jun would've never
fallen in love with me."

"No, Aiji, that's not..."

"I should kill myself as soon as possible." Aiji thought aloud.

"Aiji..." Kirito sat up and shook Aiji. "Ne, AIJI!"

"Then Jun can forget about me and be happy."

"Aiji! Don't think that! Jun would follow!"

"Jun..." Aiji looked to Kirito. "Jun would follow?"

Kirito nodded. "I know him. He'd die if the only person he ever loved
in this way ever died. Jun isn't that strong Aiji. It would badly
tear him apart to loose you permanently." Kirito brushed his hand against
Aiji's face. "Aiji, let Jun know what you truly feel. He truly loves
you."

***

Jun sat on the edge of his bed, watching as Aiji unpacked. "Ne, AIji,
I haven't got anything in the apatto except for tonight, so if I'm not
here in the morning, I'm shopping, okay?"

"Hai." Aiji responded while turning to smile at Jun. //He'll be
gone... perfect opportunity.//

***

Aiji looked at Jun's face in the night as his vision adjusted. Jun and
he were sleeping in the same bed again, Jun's arms wrapped around Aiji.
Aiji ran his fingers lightly along Jun's face and lips, studying the
other guitarist before closing his eyes and pressing his lips against
Jun's. Jun was not asleep, however, and held on tighter to Aiji,
responding to the kiss.

Aiji paused as he realized what was happening, but Jun's tongue pressed
as his lips, asking for entry, and Aiji allowed it, moaning as their
tongues met. //Our first... and last... night like this...// They
parted after a while and Jun buried his face into Aiji's chest, smiling
contently. "Ai shiteru, Aiji..." Jun breathed before falling off to sleep.

Aiji watched him and breathed softly into the other man's ear, "I love
you too..."

***

Jun smiled as he looked at Aiji's form, walking back to the bed
momentarily to give Aiji a goodbye kiss before going off to the store. He
gazed at the sleeping form and smiled. "I'll be right back." He
whispered before turning and leaving.

Aiji had woken up as Jun was getting dressed, so already he was
concious and as soon as Jun left, he got up and went to the kitchen, taking
out a knife, a paper, and a pen. He sat down at the table and went to
work on his letter.

//Dear Jun,//

//You know I've been through pain, and, it's too much. You deserve
someone better than me, so I'm leaving so you can forget me. Don't follow
me, please. I'll watch over you.//

Aiji lifted a hand up to wipe his tears away.

//I love you too, you should know that. I thought about it long and
hard and I love you. I'll join you in the next life and hopefully we'll
live as you should live: a great and loving life.//

//This is my first, and last, love letter to you. That is, if you
could call it a love letter. I wished that I could give you everything you
deserve and that I didn't have to leave you like this, but that's how
life is and I am Fate's unloved toy.//

//Tell everyone that I'm sorry for doing this to the band, but I need
you to be happy in the long run and I'm already dead.//

//I love you, forever.//

//Love,//

//Aiji//

Aiji left the letter on the table and walked to the bathroom, turning
on music loudly to drain out the sounds of his own mind. He closed the
door and sat down in the room, knife to his wrist and he took breaths
to try to calm his heart.

***

Jun laughed at himself as he walked out of the elevator, back to his
own floor. //Stupid me! How can I get anything without my wallet?// He
got to his door and noticed the loud music coming from inside. //Oh!
Aiji must be up! Maybe he can go with me!// Jun thought happily as he
put the key into his lock and opened the door.

Immediately, he saw the letter. He read half of it before dropping
everything and running to find Aiji. //I hope I'm not too late!// He saw
the bathroom door closed and ran to it, opening and seeing Aiji with a
knife to his wrist. "AIJI! DON'T!"

Aiji looked away. "Jun... I don't want you to see me die."

Jun shook his head. "And I don't want you _to_ die!"

"Jun... you'll be happier... now... leave... please..."

"Iie." He opened up a drawer and took out a razor, Aiji watching in
wonder. "Aiji... whatever you do to yourself, I'll mimic... if you die,
I want to go with you."

"No, Jun, you live."

Tears streamed down Jun's face. "Iie... I can't live without you...
so... if you have to die... I want to die with you..."

//He won't really do it...// "No, Jun... now, go..." Aiji pressed the
knife to his wrist and a cut started, blood coming out.

Jun mimicked it, as promised, but he went deeper, and whimpered as
blood began to gush.

Aiji dropped the knife and jumped up, going to Jun and taking away his
razor. He grabbed a hand towel and wrapped it around Jun's wrist
tightly. "Jun... don't die..."

Jun looked up to Aiji's face. "Aiji... if you die, I can't live...
please... don't try this again..."

Aiji stared into Jun's eyes.

"Promise me."

Aiji saw sincerity and worry in those eyes, but he looked further, and
was shocked to see that Jun really needed him. Slowly, he nodded.
"I'll stay... as long as you're with me..." He whispered.

Jun hugged Aiji tightly. "Always... Aiji... Ai shiteru. Zutto zutto
zutto..."

Aiji held Jun against his chest and started crying himself, finally
draining himself of all that had built up in the past few weeks. "I love
you too..."

***

Hmm... I think maybe it ended too abruptly... but, I'll let you all in
on a little secret. Originally, from the beginning, I was planning on
killing off Aiji in this fic. Demo... you all seemed SO INTENT on a
happy ending, that I couldn't do that, so, that's your happy ending!
As I said, I might write a lemon to go along with this, but no
promises.. ^^
Hope you all enjoyed!
~kurara

~END~

email author

back to fics page