***

Shinya climbed up the bed and tugged himself in neatly under the blanket. He blinked and looked to his right, "Daijyobu Toshikun?"

Toshiya looked up with puppy eyes, "Hm...you're sooo nice Shinchan. I can't believe I'm sleeping on your bed right now!" he giggled, "Can you imagine? Your fans must be soo jealous! I have to remember this moment for the rest of my life!!!" Toshiya giggled more. Shinya kicked his slender leg, "Yameru!"

The drummer lay on the bed and looked up the ceiling. Toshiya suddenly threw his arms around Shinya and hugged him tightly. The younger one protested but since the basisst insisted, and nobody could say no, Shinya pouted and tried squirming away every two seconds. Toshiya giggled and hugged Shinya's legs with his.

"Shin-kun...samui ne..." Toshiya whined *giggles*

"...Toshiyakun!!!! Please...you're so heavy!" *pout*

"AHHHH!!!!! You say I'm fat?!!!" *wails*

*winces* "Itai..."

...

Shinya sighed, staring at the ceiling still.

"Toshiya...?"

"...mh?"

"Can I ask you something?" Shinya spoke, unsure, a little bit scared. Toshiya chuckled, "What? You wanna have sex with me?" The drummer hit his head, "Iie!"

Sex...something you do when you wanna let go...something you want, then you need...

"Don't you feel special everytime you're with Kaorukun?"

Toshiya opened his eyes, and a mass of auburn hair greeted him. But he didn't care what he saw. He only cared what he had just heard.

Kaoru

"Do you still have sex with Kaoru?" Shinya asked suddenly, to his own surprise. So straight forward, so to the point...was it really Shinya? ...Toshiya didn't seem to care about that eh? He'd had too much surprises that evening.

"I...think so. Sometimes..." Toshiya replied.

Shinya bit his lip

"How does it feel like...?"

Toshiya joined his eyebrows, what's Shinya up to?!

"You mean, having sex with Kaoru?" Toshiya lifted his head up slightly to look at the younger man

Shinya blushed and shook his head, "No...no. I mean, having sex..." he whispered. Toshiya smiled a little. He thought he knew what's going on. It was just a bit weird and kawaii coming from the younger man. The basisst got up and supported himself with both arms.

"Well...sex is...nice"

Shinya got up, "Nice? That's it?" he asked, confused. Toshiya looked at him then giggled, "No, no. HM..." he thought for a while. Shinya waited patiently though very curiously.

"Sex feels good, it makes you want more, ...it makes you think you rule the world!" Toshiya stated and stared at Shinya, who pondered about it for quite sometime.

"What do you feel when you have sex?" he asked.

Toshiya giggled, "Hm! I feel good about myself, I feel very good, and...I feel that-" Toshiya stopped, trying to find the right words but instead he blurt out every single thought he had in mind, "You know, sometimes, I felt there's no point living in this world. Like..." he gazed into space.

Shinya blinked

"There's nothing I can do for the world, people are selfish, people like me love themselves..." Toshiya bit his lip, "When I have sex, ..." he laughed, "I feel that it's the reason to live!" the bassist ducked his head a little, slightly embarrassed.

Shinya pouted, "So you live to have sex?" he asked. Toshiya joined his eyebrows, "No! no!!! I mean, only sometimes. And...whenever I have bad times, I feel down, It's always nice...to have the feeling that I had everytime I had sex..." Toshiya tried to explain but his mind strangely wondered around...

It's always nice to think that ... a tired day was replaced by having Kaoru in bed...

...

What?

Toshiya blinked and looked into space confusedly.

Shinya tugged on his sleeve, "Nani? nani?" he asked curiously. "How does it feel to have sex?" he looked at Toshiya, who looked very strange. Shinya could read confusion in the older one's eyes.

"I mean...having sex..." Toshiya trailed off, ...absentmindedly.

What?

What's going on...?

"Toshikun...is it ..." Shinya asked but stopped as he blushed furiously. Toshiya blinked and looked at Shinya, then giggled. "What? What're you gonna ask me?" all those previous thoughs and confusion were shoved away by the sight of Shinya trying not to blush.

"Is it..good? Sex, is it good?"

Toshiya sighed, "It depends!"

"So...is it..." Shinya blinked and took a deep breath before he continued, "Is it...painful?"

Toshiya giggled and patted Shinya's head, "Hm, for you, maybe"

Shinya widened his eyes.

"Sex is always painful for me, Shinchan"

Shinya gasped, "Then why are you still doing it?!!" he asked, very surprised. Toshiya looked at him and smiled, "Shinya. There won't be pleasure if there's no pain" the bassist sounded very serious. Shinya gazed at the older man, confused.

"Okay. it's the same thing as happiness. If there is no sadness in this world, will people know when they're happy? If they don't suffer sometimes, will they know what joy is?" he asked, looking at Shinya attentively, studying his expression. Shinya thought a while, then parted his lips...

"So sex is like that? If there's no pain then no pleasure?"

Toshiya nodded, "If there is no pain, pleasure is nothing. Your life will be...incomplete"

"...but it's very painful?" it was funny coz Shinya actually looked worried. Toshiya giggled slighty. It was very funny indeed. Staying overnight at Shinya's place, it wasn't even two yet and he was already bombarded by questions about sex.

"Not really. To me, all the pain collided into one, they make pleasure" he brushed his hair, "Do you know what I mean? It's like you, spilling all your emotions out when you play drums. The more anger the more rage you feel, the harder you play, the better you play" Toshiya gripped the bed sheet tightly.

"How...how about..." Shinya whispered, "Love? Isn't it a beautiful thing? I mean, I know love hurts sometimes..." Toshiya raised an eyebrow, "But when you have sex, don't you feel love as well?"

Toshiya looked away, then back to Shinya

"Shin-kun....sometimes I wonder...nevermind" he stopped. "Let me tell you something"

"What?"

...

"...love is what you make with the right person, at the right time, in the right place. You feel so good, you love the person so much, that the love you make is so beautiful!" Toshiya held Shinya's shoulder.

"Good Sex, is what you have with the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong place!"

Shinya looked confused

"That's a great difference. Wrong time wrong place with the wrong person...those things always arouse you! They thrill! You want to do it! It's so wrong but you still want to try! You still want to do it!" Toshiya looked sad. Shinya bit his lip

"I don't believe such thing as good sex comes with love..." Toshiya whispered. Now it was very obvious to Shinya that sadness was in the other guy's eyes. The older one's eyes grew darker and Toshiya seemed distance, and his voice screamed loneliness.

Shinya didn't know what happened, didn't know what to do, but he moved his arms and wrapped them around the older man. Toshiya looked surprised, felt surprised but he didn't resist, didn't push Shinya away. The drummer held his breath as Toshiya hugged him back.

Sex is something you do when you need to let go of yourself...

Shinya opened his eyes

Sex is about want, but it's more about need

How could it be possible...? Toshiya had said sex made him felt good sometimes. Kaoru had told him that sex was something to do when one needed to let go. Toshiya said when he had a tired day, he thought of sex...wasn't it...the same thing?

Letting go?

You mean, everybody wants sex? he had asked Kaoru and Kaoru said yes. Toshiya wanted sex didn't he?

You'll be trapped if you -need- sex

Shinya brushed his palm against Toshiya's back.

He felt loneliness, he felt Toshiya was trapped...trapped ...

So it's a bad thing? Shinya asked Kaoru and Kaoru said no, ...not always...

...so it's actually one simple thing! Shinya concluded but Kaoru said no. Toshiya said sex was pain but without pain there was no pleasure.. and sex and love were different. Sex wasn't simple, not as simple as alcohol.

It's about the world, -your- world, and everything that exists in it

Toshiya had said the world was selfish...there was nothing he could do for the world. People were selfish, they loved themselves...and Kaoru had said that sex was about people themselves, what they wanted, what they needed, ...and people they had sex with...

Wrong people at the wrong time in the wrong place...

Shinya looked down at Toshiya. He was already asleep. Carefully, he placed Toshiya on the bed properly and covered him with blanket. He studied Toshiya's face and smiled. He looked so peaceful that way, when he was asleep.

Toshiyakun was so complex!

Sex was so complicated!

Shinya bit his lip and sighed. He knew he couldn't be able to sleep...not that night, after all those confusion about sex. But he decided to try, so Shinya lay himself beside Toshiya and closed his eyes.

Few minutes later Shinya was already fast asleep.

***

to be continued...