Part 25

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I love hide love hide love hide so Tell me Tell me Tell me

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"I feel so sleepy" Kaoru muttered, rubbing his eyes, "Maybe I’m just so tired ne…" he added, stretching his arms widely. He put his pen down and looked up, Die was staring at him smiling, "You better get good sleep, I knew you stayed back in the studio for few nights eh?"

Kaoru gave a slow smile

"Gotta slow down, Kaoru san. We’re not in rush anyway. Tours are coming and if we fall that time, then we’re in trouble" The red head stated firmly, placing his acoustic guitar on the table. Kaoru chuckled and looked at him, "So now it’s you the wise one eh?"

Die grinned, "Learn it from you ne….you’d always said the most crucial time is live….we just have to take care of ourselves" he shrugged and leaned back on the couch, yawning.

Kaoru nodded and looked at his watch, "Ma, it’s quite late. Do you wanna eat something?"

"….okay…" Die laughed and held his stomach, "I’m quite hungry" he admitted embarrassedly, "But I’m on diet, you know…." He added unsure. Kaoru rolled his eyes, "Really, Die. We don’t need another stick"

"Shinya is NOT a stick!"

"Yeah…yeah…he’s a babe!"

"No….he’s just a cutie pie! Don’t bug him!" Die got up and followed Kaoru to the kitchen

"Funny how you always defend him BEHIND his back!" the older guitarist sneered, "Why not doing so in FRONT of him? So he knows how precious he is for you…?" Kaoru teased, eyebrow arched up. Die sighed and rolled his eyes, "Cuz he’s spoilt!" he exclaimed

"Anyway…what do you wanna eat?" Kaoru opened his fridge

Die looked up

…

Ne…

Kaoru had his right hand holding the door while the other scratching his head. His upper body leaned back slightly, with his hips thrust forward a little. His long hair fell carelessly to his back and the cool air from the fridge blew the silky strands ….slowly…gently…

Die blinked

Kaoru stared at the content for a long while, deciding what to eat, what to offer. His eyes seemed thoughtful, his lips pouted, huffed up a little.

"So what do you want?" Kaoru looked up and asked

"…"

"Die?"

"Oh! Yeah…sandwich will do!" the red head replied hastily and looked away, around the kitchen. Meanwhile, Kaoru nodded and took some stuff out from the fridge, "Do you want toast?" he asked and placed the bread, with some mayonnaise and …vegetables on the kitchen table.

"Iie…just normal bread will do…vegs?" Die noticed

"You’re on diet, remember?!"

"Hmph!"

"And you’re not supposed to eat this late anyway!" Kaoru scrunched up his nose

"Yeah….look who’s speaking!" Die pouted at him. Kaoru laughed and Die did the same, "Nevermind…" he muttered. The guitarist made him sandwich and placed it on a small plate before handing it to him. Die nodded and said his thank you in such a playful manner that Kaoru hissed and threw him a spoon.

"Hey! No throwing!" Die snapped and caught the spoon

Kaoru stuck his tongue out

"Gross!"

Kaoru made few chewing sounds and Die shook his head in disgust, "Yamero!" he hit Kaoru’s arm and the older one winced, "Hey! Stop it!" the violet head grinned evilly and stepped forward, started to land punches on Die’s arms.

"Itai!" Die winced exaggeratedly and tried to catch Kaoru’s hands but they were too thin and fast. So he merely tried to squirm away, protecting himself. The older guitarist grinned like a mad man and punched more, softer and softer, and it was like as if Die was the boxing sack(?)

"One to go! Yeah! Two jab!" Kaoru commented on his own punches

Die rolled his eyes and held his palms up since Kaoru aimed for them, lightly.

"Have you ever grown up?" he asked tiredly

Kaoru stopped, glared at him then smiled, "Yeah…" he muttered low and ate his sandwich, licking his fingers as he did so.

Mou…

"Why are you staring at me?"

Die blinked

"Eh? Nani?"

Kaoru chuckled and washed his hands, "I caught you staring at me few times, what’s with the stares Die?" the older man asked plainly, wiping his hands and leaned his body on the table opposite Die, "Weird stares, wonder what’s in your mind…"

Die’s eyes widened but he tried to hide any single thought

"You never really stare at me that way…" Kaoru continued and looked back at him, "What’s up?"

…

"Nothing…"

Die turned away, washed his hands and walked towards the living room. Kaoru waited a while, smiled, then followed the younger man. Die was sitting on the couch, clutching the blanket and gazed into space. The violet head smiled to himself and sat beside him

"Come on Die, what’s wrong?" he tugged

The red head smiled and shook his head, "Nothing…nothing…"

Kaoru joined his eyebrows, "Nothing? That’s such a lie! Come on…what’s going on?" he asked, but Kaoru didn’t want to sound as if he was pushing. He wanted to be the friend, the person who would be by everybody’s side, the stronghold.

Die covered his face with both palms and laughed, "Nothing…it’s stupid"

"Are you fighting with Shinya?"

Die shook his head

"Kyo? All the Kirito thing?"

Die shook his head

"Then? Totchi hurt your feelings?"

Die shook his head, then shook harder and gave a groan.

Kaoru joined his eyebrows. What was it? Now he wanted to know….just wanted to know…

"You can tell me, it’s okay…

…is it me?" the older man asked. It was not Shinya, not Kyo not Toshiya…must be him!

Die looked up, staring at him, then sighed and laughed

"Kaoru…Kaoru…"

The older man pouted, "So it IS me then…?"

Die bit his lip and looked away, "I was only wondering…Kyo had been telling stuff…" he muttered low. Kaoru joined his eyebrows again and looked at him with an amused look, "What did Kyo bluff about now?" he laughed

The red head laughed back

But Kaoru was getting more than curious

"Nothing really…just, how…" Die trailed off. Kaoru gave a cute pout and tugged on his sleeve, " Tell me!" Die bit his lip and moved away, cooing Tell Me as he tried to change the subject, "Speaking of which, what are you doing for hide san-"

The red head stopped

Kaoru glared

Both guitarists stared at each other for a long time

"It’s about your sex life!!" Die finally gave in. Feeling embarrassed, he walked away from where Kaoru was sitting and wondered around the living room, singing some tune he didn’t even recognize himself. But la la la…he needed to change the subject.

Lalalalalalala….it was normal to talk about sex among guys, …well. Guys talked about sex all the time right? Lalalalaa ….it happened before, they would talked a little about sex…

Yeah, but that was BEFORE Die …

You know…

Before Die knew how it felt to fuck a guy!

A boy…that made Die felt the night was so amazing it fulfilled his fantasy…a boy who made Die understood what it was all about, how it could be and somehow…Die was getting the biggest riddle he had ever come across… why…?

And it was perfectly normal for a guy to have one night stands but…that’s with girls! How could Kaoru have so many things going on? Die knew he was confused, before. Now he knew guys could do such things with each other. He had sex with the boy, once. And that’s it! No other things coming after that, no morning after or any hassle!

Die liked it

He liked how no commitment was involved!

He liked what the boy offered

But only for that one night…and that’s it!

The boy was Toshiya… bad enough.

To make it worse…Kaoru’s boy

Lalalallalaalalalalalalalalalllalalalalaalallaallalalalaal…….

"Die"

LALALAALALALALALALALALALAALALALLALALAALAAAAALALALALALALAALA

"Die!"

"What?!"

Die, with flushed cheeks, turned around and glared at Kaoru. The older one was staring at him, smiling. The red head fumed and walked to the couch, "Why are you yelling at me?!" he sulked and sat beside Kaoru.

"I didn’t yell at you!" Kaoru exclaimed. Then he laughed and patted Die’s shoulder, "I don’t understand this, Die. Is my sex life really bothering you? I thought you knew…" he asked, still smiling. But there was a bit of tease in his tone.

"No it doesn’t bother me!" Die replied

Yes it’s oh so fuckin bothering me!

"I don’t care!" he defended

No body is ideal seme!

"You can go fuck whoever you like!"

WTH?!

Kaoru raised an eyebrow, "But Die, I know it’s probably difficult for you to understand. I mean, for you it’s probably about girls, and only girls. But for me… It’s different!" Kaoru stated firmly, back to his very own nature.

Die bit his lower lip

SO Kaoru really did not know about it…

Good

Never let him know

If you tell Kaoru about it, trust me, you DIE!!!

"I do it with guys too…"

If you tell Kaoru you slept with his precious sweet thing, you die.

"It will be difficult for a straight guy like you to understand"

I just don't want you to be like Kaoru...that's my whole point!

"Especially what you had heard came from Kyo, that little devil. He probably exaggerates and adds few things to spice it up"

Kaoru had never been the uke

"So if you have anything…you know….unsure about. Please, do ask me about it. So things can get cleared up. I don’t want to make you feel uneasy everytime I am around, Die"

Die blinked and looked at Kaoru

"You are my good friend, Die. And I want it to last long" Kaoru looked at him and smiled, you know, Kaoru’s smiles. The ones that could make you sense…danger. His slow smiles that screamed sexiness…and intimidation.

Die blinked

Intimidating

Why did he feel intimidated? It was only Kaoru, and no one else but Kaoru. He was Kaoru, the other guitarist of Dir en grey who loved hide with all his heart and fuck boys and girls all his life

Yeah, exactly

Not only Die was jealous, he was also intimidated and scared.

Jealous becoz Kaoru was voted the ideal seme while in his own opinion, Die thought that nobody could be ideal seme. No such thing as ideal seme. Everybody had different taste, and they couldn’t just come up with a conclusion that Kaoru was the ideal seme.

Intimidated coz he was so dying to tell kaoru he had done it with a boy, but it was Toshiya and he just couldn’t tell! There was nothing wrong with it actually. Kaoru slept with everybody and so did Toshiya. But he felt…intimidated!

Scared, becoz he was in Kaoru’s apartment, ALONE, and was to be sleeping in Kaoru’s room, on Kaoru’s bed. Let’s not think of how many people had he bedded on it, and the I’m-a-guy-nothing-would-happen-to me excuse wouldn’t work coz Kaoru could do guys too.

Shit

Wasn’t it a little too late to realize the potential danger?

"Die? Are you okay?"

The red head looked at Kaoru and faked a smile, "Yeah, fine"

"It’s a little cold isn’t it?" Kaoru asked, looking around his living room, and joined his eyebrows

"H-hai"

Shit

"No worries ne. My room is way warmer than this. It’s not necessary to turn the heater on, but maybe you’re getting ill, Die"

"Ah, your room?" Die blurt out

"Yeah, you wanna sleep now?"

Die looked away horrified, "Great…"

Kaoru joined his eyebrows and looked at him, "Nande?"

"Oh!" Die exclaimed and laughed nervously, "Nothing ne…I was only mumbling shit"

SHIT!

The violet head nodded and looked away, "…"

But what has happened to the plan Die? Weren’t you going to ask Kaoru about his sex life? You can find out how he gets everybody to bed and you might as well just ask for some tips.

Uh huh! And let Kaoru knew he had slept with a boy?

You can just tell Kaoru he’s whoever. You don’t have to tell him it’s you-know-who…

But Kaoru’s no fool!

But don’t you want to know?

Die took a deep breath and made a decision

"Kaoru…"

The violet head turned to him, and smiled, "Hm?"

"Ano, you don’t mind me asking about your sex life….do you?" he boldly asked. Kaoru looked at him surprised, but he recovered quickly and nodded, "I don’t mind ne, I’m actually glad you’re open to this thing now"

Die felt a pang in his heart

What kind of friend are you Die? See how caring Kaoru is?

The red head took another deep breath and decided not to think about that part of the plot

"Why…?" he asked

Kaoru scratched his head and pouted, "Well, coz I think you’re the only one that’s….the ultimate straight!" he stated and laughed at his own sentence. Die listened in disbelief.

Oh! So he’s the ultimate seme and I’m the ultimate straight?!!!

"And everybody is kind of…from the same side as me"

"Well" Kaoru trailed off not noticing the changing looks in Die’s face, "Kyo is going out with Kirito, Toshiya is of course…and-"

"Shinya?! How bout Shinya?!" Die hissed rather panickly

Kaoru looked at him and smiled, "Shinya is still into the phase, he doesn’t know what he wants and what he needs, and I don’t think he cares. But it’s okay coz he doesn’t need to know what he wants and what he needs right now"

Die pondered for a while before giving Kaoru accused looks.

"It’s okay Die. I’m happy you ask about me. I thought you would never touch this subject"

The red head looked at him thoughtfully, "Well, I’m quite open now" he stated carefully and decided to give it a try.

"Eh? Is it becoz…" Kaoru looked at him worriedly, "I heard the last chick you had was…pretty bad. Was it becoz…of that, you think…you might switch?" he asked unsure. Die could see the worries in those small eyes, the shock and something else….yeah. There was always something else in Kaoru’s eyes that he couldn’t tell. The red head tried not to think about that and cleared his throat, "Yeah, well. I have decided to be more open about this ever since I talked to Kyo"

"You talked to Kyo?"

"Ah, no. I mean…Kyo told me about …you"

(Kyo : Hey!!!)

"Oh…" Kaoru nodded, and looked like as if he was thinking hard. Die felt that he should start getting worried, so he coughed in order to switch Kaoru’s attention, "But actually, I really want to know, about your sex life"

Kaoru widened his eyes at him, "Really?"

"Yeah…should be interesting! Not like mine…girls…" he laughed and rolled his eyes. Kaoru laughed too but there was a bit of ice.

"So!" Die clapped his hands, "What type of guys do you like?" he grinned like a mad man but Die knew he didn’t look convincing. Kaoru, on the other hand, paid more attention on the way the other guy rubbed his palms against one another, "Are you cold Die? Let’s get into my room, it’s warm inside" the violet head got up and took the blanket. Then he motioned Die to follow him to the bedroom.

Die blinked

Shit