Episode 51: Totchi, Aishiteru ~ the Epilogue

“We want to believe that we have control of our lives. But we don’t. We can’t even promise our time. The best we can promise is our hearts. And the most we can hope for is to live each moment as if it’s our last.” –Richard Paul Evans (from Carousel)

*From Dr. Kaoru Niikura’s Point of view*

I came out the airport with one briefcase with me wondering: Why am I here? It’s been a long 10 years since, yet, I haven’t forgotten the experiences I had. I already acquired my PhD in internal medicine two years ago and set up my own small clinic in NY. The success was deservingly achieved, but I wasn’t happy. I felt that something was missing; like all the hard work was for nothing. I was an empty shell.

It’s strange, isnt’ it? I still think about him. After 10 years….

I finally got a cab and hopped in.

“Where to?” the cab driver asked.

“The university.”

“Where at the university?”

“Diety Hall.”

“Okey-dokey.” The driver started the engine and drove off. “So, are you some professor or something?”

I shook my head. “No. just a former student. I lived in the dorm 10 years ago.”

The guy whistled. “That’s a long time. So why are you here now?”

“I’m actually here for a wedding.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Wedding/ at a dorm?”

“Actually, it’s taking place outside the dorm. Most students would be on Spring Break right now.”

“Hmmm. So, one of your friends getting’ married.”

I nodded and took out an invitation. “A former friend of the dorm. I wasn’t that close to him, but a friend, nevertheless. I was wondering when they’ll tie the knot.”

“Well, some people simply take longer than others. Alrighty, sir. We’re here.”

“Thanks much.” I paid, and got out.

Thelot of grass still looked fresh and green, while the trees beared fruits or flowers in full bloom. There was a crowd of people clustered in an area where chairs, tables, and decorations were.

I didn’t know what to expect. Would he be here? Would he talk to me? I shook my head. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion; it’s selfish for me to think such foolish thoughts.

I noticed everyone sitting down. I didn’t know where to sit. First, I scanned everyone there. Most were former Diety Hall residents; some were unrecognizable. I thought I saw Levin, still small, but more mature with age. I saw Akira and Ryutaro, holding hands and whispering to each other. I also saw Kirito and Aiji, somewhere across the lot, still doing their business.

But I didn’t see Toshiya. I sighed.

“Kaoru?” Someone familiar called out.

I turned my head. “DIE??!”

Die looked his old self, only he looked much older. His hair was chopped off short and his muscles weren’t as tone as before. Shinya stood beside him, as radiant as ever. He was starting to look a lot like Mrs. Terachi.

“Shinya? Is that you?”

“Kaoru-kun, you look so old!”

I pouted. “Thanks.”

We exchanged greetings, and some other residents joined in. I even talked to Mr. And Mrs. Terachi, who sat beside Shinya. I sat beside Die as soon as the music began to play. Of course, the music was played by Mana, who no doubt never changed nor aged through time. {O_O;;}

The procession began.

Koji stood at the beginning of the isle while Megumi and an older man, who I assumed is her father, marched down the isle.

I will never forget that event in my life. It was fairly simple, yet, it produces a warm feeling in my heart. Though I felt happy for them, I also felt lonely. It felt like everybody had somebody but me. I talked to my mother about it, but all she said was: “Time will tell….”

After I stayed at the reception a few hours, I decided to leave for home. I couldn’t leave the patients for that long.

I went back to the airport and jumped on the first available flight to NY. Once the plane took off, I let out a sigh. My heart felt really heavy, like something was stepping on my chest. I hoped to see him. I really prayed that I’ll see him again, even though I know that he wouldn’t want to talk to me.

I knew I had to do something about my depression. I finally decided to take out my journal. No, it’s not the same journal I had 10 yrs. Ago. I’ve gone through several since then.

I grabbed a pen from my pocket and rigorously wrote. I saw the shadow of a stewardess hovering above me. Damn isle seat.

“Excuse me, sir. Would like some coffee?” a sweet voice said.

I didn’t’ bother to look up, too busy writing. “Yes, please.”

The stewardess began to pour on the cup, but it slipped between the slender fingers and landed on my journal. The hot coffee dripped and splattered all over the pages and my shirt. I wanted to throttle and scream.

Yet, I stopped.

“Gomendasai.” The stewardess exclaimed and began dabbing my shirt with a cloth.

I swiftly grabbed the wrist and looked at it. There was a bracelet. A dreamcatcher bracelet. I immediately looked up. I felt blood rush out of my head and my heart pump eratically on my chest.

“T-totchi?”

The ‘stewardess’ opened his eyes wide. “……kaoru?”

I held to his tightly, afraid he’ll disappear again. “It’s..it’s really you…” I whispered.

Toshiya looked as beautiful as ever. I didn’t care about the dark circles under his eyes, or the fact that he dyed his hair brown. He is Totchi. My Totchi.

“AHEM! Is there a problem here?” someone interrupted.

I turned my head, expecting an elderly head-stewardess. But instead, I saw an aged Ayumi glaring at us. I noticed her uniform was slightly different than all the others.

“You’re the head-stewardess?!” I exclaimed.

“Yes, sir. If you’d like to file a complaint on the steward, feel free to do so. I had to hire him because we’re short on people, but he’s always so clumsy and careless!”

God, she didn’t recognize me at all! Of course she didn’t. my hair was hacked off and I dyed it brown. I shifted my eyes toward Totchi. He was looking nervously down at his feet with his luscious lips pursed. I felt like protecting him.

“Excuse me.” I said to Ayumi. “I’d like to have a word with this ‘clumsy’ steward.”

Ayumi put her nose in the air. “As you wish, sir. Can’t guarantee that any talk would get through his thick head.”

I ignored her. I simply clutched Totchi’s arm and dragged him down the isle. We ended up between the first class and economy isles. I pulled the dividing curtains closed on either side and stared at him. “T-totchi.”

“Kaoru. I…………….”

“Totchi, how did you end up here? What happened?” I couldn’t resist. I lifted my hand up and stroked his haid.

“I-I---. So many things happened.” Toshiya’s cheeks suddenly streamed with tears.

“Shhhhhhh. Start from the time you went to Paris.” I said softly.

“I became a model for Mrs.Tanaka. at first, I really liked it. I got to wear pretty things and expensive jewelry. I even met a lot of top designers from Paris. For a while ther, I was in heaven. I made lot of money on my own and I gradually became more and more popular. After 3 years of modeling, I became tired of it. Everyday, people told me what to do, what to wear, and how to act. Tons of people asked me on dates, or told me how much they admired me; but it wasn’t me they admired. It was the model on the magazine cover they all loved. Nobody wanted my personality or my lep. Everyone just wanted a nice body to stare at.

I quit at one point. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Mrs.Tanaka wasn’t surprised, but she urged me to go back to school. But I was so stupid.” He sobbed. “I became so depressed, I spent money on shit…. Oh God, why am I telling you this? You’ve probably got a new life and your own family. I shouldn’t dump my problems on you…..”

“Totchi…” I whispered. I bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

He stared at me and blinked twice. “Wha….?”

I smiled. “I’ve been out with other people before, but it just wasn’t the same. No matter who I dated, I could only see your face and yearned for your warmth.”

Toshiya’s cheeks pinked.

“I know now how shitty circumstances were 10 yrs. Ago. I did something that hurt your feelings a lot, and for that, I am sincerely sorry.” I sighed. “I understand why you couldn’t stay at Diety Hall when I asked, but now, I’m going to ask you a similar question: will you stay with me?”

His pretty lips indicated shock.

“I-I know this is awkward and I know I’m asking too much of you. You have the right to reject me, but I ----“ I couldn’t believe I was rambling on. I felt so much emotion that I couldn’t keep my head straight. “I-I can’t live like this anymore. I know I can’t offer you much. My God! I’m so dense and stupid, but I promise you. I will not hurt you again. I’ll love you with all my heart. I’ll------.”

Before I could say anything more, Toshiya kissed me passionately. When he pulled away, he smiled shyly at me.

“I take that as a yes.” I stammered out. I smiled then pulled him close.

“Kaoru, aishiteru.” Toshiya whispered.

“Totchi, aishiteru.” I said, while holding him tighter. I kissed him again and again, loving the pliant lips that are easily melded into mine.

Toshiya moaned as he began rubbing his body against mind. His curves were so tantalizing, I couldn’t stifle out my uncontrollable desire. He plunged his tongue against mine in a rhythm that made my heart beat faster. How could I have been so blind to such beauty? I kissed him again and again. Then, I felt him sensually bit my lower lip. I groaned.

He slowly led me to the side and opened the restroom door. We stumbled in there and locked the door shut. I attached myself to Toshiya with my lips and touches. I just couldn’t stop myself. He still had such beautiful dark eyes, tasty lips, and creamy-smooth legs. He was still so very Totchi from 10 years ago. Except one thing was different: I have him to love for the rest of my life.

********

Outside the restroom, the line piled on from one end of the corridor to the other. The passangers, angry, and irritated, tapped their heels to the floor or gave sighs of frustration. The head-stewardess eventually intervened and knocked on the door and asked what was going on inside the restroom. But the only answer she ever received was passionate moaning.

*******

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER DIETY HALL RESIDENTS?

(Closing song playing while credits roll: ‘Misty’ by Blue)

Art Marju Duchain:

• still cult singing, though nobody knows what really happened to them after most of the Diety Hall residents graduated.

GLAY

• Takuro: Remained part of campus police for a few more years before joining the local police department. Later on, he became deputy to a sheriff in a small town, where crime rate, surprisingly, lowered 75% since his recruit.

• Teru: quit campus police after serving it with Takuro for 1 year. After that, there are rumors he moved away with a new found lover named Hisashi.

L’arc~en~ciel

• Hyde: graduated with an art degree & became a starving artist.

• Ken: became an alcoholic over his college years. He started attending AAA then resumed college and got an engineering degree

• Yukihiro: became very popular over college. He opened up his own pub by Diety Hall.

Malice Mizer

• Mana: Graduated with a music degree. He became a famous classical music composter that never aged through time ^^;

• Gackt: Graduated with a music degree. He couldn’t find a job as a violinist in any orchestra, so he ended up working for Mana ^^;

Luna Sea

• Ryuichi: graduated in Theatre. He stars in minimal roles in TV sitcoms and movies.

• Sugizo: achieved his PhD in Math. He works as a scandalous professor with Prof.Heath. he still continues the tug of war with Kyo against Yoshiki.

• Inoran: finished his masters in Math and teaches high school calculus in a small town.

• J: never got his degree, but works as a bartender at Yukihiro’s club.

• Shinya: continued to open more café’s across town, then retired early and sold the store.

Plastic Tree

• Ryutaro & Akira: still together. Both became engineers for a paper company. They adopted a baby girl and raised her as their own.

• Tadashi: switched his major midway through college. He eventually went into architecture and became a successful architect in NY.

• Takashi: got his engineering degree, but no one knows what happened to him.

La’Cryma Christi

• Taka, Shuse, & Hiro: all 3 could not find jobs, so they ended up working for Koji ^^;

• Koji: became a financial whiz at the stock market. After gaining a lot of money selling stocks, he created a successful casino in the outskirts of Atlantic City. He married Megumi (Shinya’s cousin) & they had a significant amount of children O_o;

• Levin: graduated with an education degree and teaches kindergarten. ^_^

Pierrot

• Kirito & Aiji: no one knows what happened to them, but everyone knows they’re alive and together.

• Kohta: graduated with a Computer Science degree and currently works for the CIA

• Jun: graduated in Nursing. Broke up with Takeo after a few years of dating, but remained good friends

• Takeo: achieved his PhD in Neurosurgery. He’s currently working at NYC General Hospital

Xjapan

• Toshi: still working as a Chemistry Professor, but now running after Prof.Heath.

• Heath: still working as a Math Professor, but now haunted by Toshi’s unceasing declarations of love

• Pata: Retired early from teaching.

• Yoshiki: still teaching and composing. He’s very happy that Toshi is now Heath’s problem, but not too happy that Sugizo is still attempting to catch Kyo to himself.

Jpopers

• Ayumi: er….continued to work as a stewardess because no one wanted her as a singer. Later, she met up with Morita and forced him to marry her at gunpoint.

• Morita: followed under his father’s footsteps and became an entreprenueur. He became forced into marriage with Ayumi, but continued to chase after pretty boys he thinks are pretty girls ^^;

Penicillin

• Hakuei: never went back to college. He and Miyabi went out for a few months, but decided to break up because he wanted to move his small record company to LA. He continued distributing record labels in CA, but never really made it big.

Due le Quartz

• Miyabi: Broke up devastatingly with Hakuei, but picked himself up nicely and moved on. He went to NY and became a very popular Broadway star. His success led him to international tours. Later, he married another actress and had one child who they both love dearly. He’s probably the most successful of all Diety Hall, but he never saw Hakuei again.

Dir en Grey

• Kyo: Became a Biochemistry professor and works with Prof.Toshi. Still stuck in a tug of war with Yoshiki and Sugizo

• Die & Shinya: they both stayed together forever. Die graduated as second in the class after all his hard work. Shinya had the chance to back to college and finished his music degree. Both stayed with the Terachi’s and inherited the family business.

• Kaoru & Toshiya: Kaoru set up his own clinic in upstate NY. Toshiya became his secretary at the front desk. He never got to finish his degree. Both decided to adopt a cat (thru Toshiya’s persuasion) and later settled into a nice, warm home. They both continued to love each other, grow old together, and lived happily ever after.

~OWARI~

Author’s afterword:

Many many thanks for all those who commented. Even if it was only once or one line. This HAS been quite a long series, and I’m forever greatful to commentors because it is what kept me going. I really did not think I would finish this; and I certainly did not plan on having it so long. It just sorta happened. I was planning on writing all the names of everyone who has emailed me, but it’s quite a long list. So you know who you are if I say right now that I really appreciate it. I hope you have all enjoyed this series. I’ve had a lot of fun myself. I’m plan on continuing writing, but unsure as to when I will be done with my newly thought of fic. I need a break too ^^; and the school year grows rough ahead. I’m going out of town for a while too, so don’t expect replies from me so soon. I will try my best to read other fics and comment. Neverthelss, everyone keep writing, reading, commenting, and support Jrock fics =+).

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