5/20/02
still sick. can't talk today. literally. just watched jerry springer. wondered what on earth i would do if i didn't have a job. could not fathom watching that crap on a daily basis.

had some very real dreams this morning (well, from 6 am till noonish) -- i was reliving high school memories. random scenes from random days. it wasn't like i was dreaming at all - i think i was really experiencing full-fleged memories. i can't really remember any of them now (it's three hours later) but i do remember i kept asking myself to who (or what) fred was. after i woke up, i think i figured it out. i think (wouldnt swear to it) that fred was the adult who helped us in techincal theater. i think fred was the guy who painted the sound of music's nunnery set blue one night after everyone went home, because he believed it would make it look more real to the audience. he was right, but it was a pretty scary sight to see the "walls" that we'd painstakingly hand-sponged a dark grey suddenly airbrushed a horrendous shade of baby blue. i really do think his name was fred.

so the question is, i'm not well enough to go to work. but am i well enough to go grocery shopping? we have almost no food in the house. my sore throat and runny nose has forced me to drink all of the orange juice. will my red eyeballs scare people at the store away, or will they just assume i've had a really really bad day and/or just can't stop crying?

i dunno what i'm going to do. right now i'm going to pay some bills and file some medical receipts.

Song of the Day: Man in the Box

5/19/02
another month, another black hole of blog entries. i've been too depressed to share my non-news.

so what's prompting me to write today? a little thing called Pinkeye. Yes, pinkeye. I've got it, in both eyes. so, what is pinkeye, aside from an early episode of South Park? it's this nasty thing where your eyes turn pink. and leak goopy snotty stuff. and while you're sleeping, the goopy snotty stuff has nowhere to go so it collects in your eyelashes. and they get stuck together. almost like they're fused together. so when you wake up in the morning, you can't open your eyes because they're all crusted shut. it's quite disgusting, that's why i chose to share it with you.

another reason i haven't written, is because i've been desperately trying to improve my situation, and i keep running into brick walls. The Energy Publication was a no go. The Sorority was a no go. Frontier was a no go. The Plastics Magazine was a no-go the second i walked in the door (the funding had been cut as I was getting into the elevator)... i've found a few other things to apply to, but i haven't had any luck. i'm figuring it will be at least a month before i'm in the position of actually talking to people... and a month after that before anything will actually change. at least there are things to apply to.

the saturn is officially gone, as of the 15th. two old guys from Adesa Auctions came and picked it up, but not after i went through a little drama. see, for weeks i've been stressing about the Saturn Pick-up. The finance company kept sending me letters that they didn't know what i planned to do with the car, even though i called them and spoke to someone months ago. their lack of organization caused my mind to run wild (usually while i was asleep - i actually had a nightmare that i was supposed to drop the car off somewhere in colorado springs and the pick-up people never showed up) and so i was extremely anxious about getting the whole thing over with. well, the day comes, and i go out to the Saturn to do a final clean-up walk through and remove the plates. i'm ready to back the car out of the garage and into the driveway when ... wouldn't you know it, the battery is dead!! luckily we have an electric battery charger - which after 20 minutes of work, with ivan walking me through how to use it on the phone -- we got to work. he told me to leave the car running for 20 minutes, then turn it off and start it up again. 19 minutes later the Adesa people come to pick the car up. and they know that I had problems with the battery. uh-oh... anyway, i dont get a final statement on the car until Chase mails it to me. and i've got a savings account set aside for the dinged up alloy wheel and anything else they deem is beyond "normal wear and tear".

today is the final x-files. tuesday is a 2 hour buffy season finale. felicity's ending forever. i'm finally going to have the impetus to find something else to do on weeknights.

Song of the Day: Man in the Box