10/30/02
this little thing is pretty cute.I like cheese. I can type pretty fast on this this thing
ivan left me a note in my revo. i'm using it now on the bus to type my blog entry. it's going much faster than it did on my old pda. i really think this thing was a good buy. i can actually type as fast as i can think. this rocks.
i cant believe that october is almost over. and it's already snowed three times. yesterday's snowstorm sucked ass. there was an accident a few blocks from home and i was stuck behind the wreckage as they cleaned it up for an hour. because of that, i missed my bus and had to drive to work. another hour in my car. ugh... then two more hours for the drive home. i really need to get this career thing sorted out.
ok, i'm tired. i want to take a nap...but i also want to keep playing with this thing. my brain isn't working so i can't keep typing. my thoughts just aren't coming.
sotd: /milla
Song of the Day: the gentleman who fell
10/16/02
i learned today that alice 106 canned their morning
show producer, nicknamed "Slacker". i read in an
article a few months back that they are trying to
change the audience of the morning show from mostly
30ish women to mostly 20ish women. this is probably
the first visible step in that direction.
so i read the snipped in yesterday's paper, and
slacker's comment was that "in radio you have to
pretend that person never existed." this sent me to
the alice106 website, where i started a search for any
mention of Slacker. as suspected, he never existed.
which has been taken a little too far. on fridays, the
three of them played a game called "Three Way". Here's
how it went, with Slacker's portion from memory:
except now on the site, they only have the first two.
woops. that looks really bad. bad enough that i might
email them about it.
i did email them about it. correspondence below:
to: Bo-Man
from: me
subject: slackeriffic
hi guys!
i read penny parker's article and i'm sad to hear
about the "disappearance" of slacker from your show. i
wish you the best of luck as entercom continues doing
whatever the heck it thinks it's doing to the station.
you guys keep me awake on my hour plus bus ride to the
tech center in the mornings - i'd hate to have to
sleep to one of those other stations... plus i'd run
the risk of missing my stop, and that would just be
bad.
anyway, slacker mentioned in penny's article that when
a person leaves radio, that it's like they never
existed. i went to the alice 106 website to confirm
his theory, and i'm sad to see he's right. but there's
a glaring hole on the Greg & Bo show features section
of the site! it says one of your contests is "Greg &
Bo's Three Way" (every Friday!)... but there are only
two contests listed. Since Slackeriffic isn't
possible, you probably can't really call the contest a
three-way anymore. maybe you can get Dwayne to play?
good luck again. you guys are great!
to: me
from: Bo-Man's Boss/Station General Manager
subject: Re: slackeriffic
Thank you for your comments and concern for Slacker. I understand that you and many listeners do not agree with my decision, and you are absolutely entitled to feel as you do. There is no question that Slacker did make significant contributions to the Greg and Bo Show in various ways.
My hope is that you will continue to listen to Greg and Bo during the transition period and enjoy the station and show much more once Slacker's replacement is found. We will all hold fond memories of Slacker's time with Alice.
Thank you again for your time ... and thank you for listening to Alice at 106.
----------------------------------------------------------
Big Wigrum
Program Director
KALC-FM Denver
Entercom Communications
well, it's obviously a form letter. i went back to the website later in the day and i saw they'd completely removed the three-way contest from the site. so somebody did at least read the email. i feel like i've contributed to society for the day.
oh, and to be honest, i dont always listen to greg and bo in the mornings. when they do shows about parenting, i get a little bored and switch to a station that claims to "shut up and play the music."
Song of the Day: the annoying "doctor love" song the aformentioned DJs sing on tuesday mornings
10/15/02
huh. i just noticed that my stapler has somebody
else's name on it. "john eisenhood." he's in the
company's global address book. he's a project manager
in the Boston office. how in the $)&*# did i get his
stapler?
this is feeling a little "office space" meets
"brazil."
i dont understand it. why on earth would anybody write
their name on their stapler? office supplies aren't
really yours, unless you take them home and never
bring them back - and that's unethical, so of course
nobody ever does it. except with pens. people are
always stealing pens. but a stapler?
i wonder if john brought the stapler from his personal
home office. if he had some sort of connection to the
stapler. if he got transferred to the boston office
and forgot it, or if there is another john eisenhood
who used to work here and doesnt anymore. i wonder
what he's doing now?
probably not typing blog entries from work.
Song of the Day: ??
10/10/02
Today's motivating horoscope, as provided by AstroCenter:
A lot of meticulous and sincere efforts on your part may have led to a recent increase in income, and today you might be thinking in terms of reworking your budget. While others may throw caution to the winds at times like this, today you may tend to go too much in the opposite direction. Be careful and realistic, Nancy, but don't be overly frugal. You've worked hard to be where you are and you deserve a few rewards.
With Pluto in your eighth house, it could be that you are already working on your love life. Pluto is making you delve into every aspect, for better or worse! The conjunction of the Moon with Pluto may help you learn some significant lessons from your recent experiences. Talk things over with a close friend as a sort of "reality check."
If the last few days have tended to sap your morale a bit, this is going to change a lot in the hours coming up. Indeed, the vibrations of the day will be beneficial and things will advance positively except in your professional life where you will meet with some difficulties. Don't give up and keep working with vigor and very soon this new, positive outlook on life will bear fruit! You should have confidence in yourself, Nancy, and dare undertaking new projects both in your personal and professional life.
Wow! i never would have imagined a horoscope could sum up how i've been feeling so perfectly. i'm going to take this "advice" and run with it.
Song of the Day: Movies
10/07/02
so an hour before i normally wake up, i had a dream that i was visiting my family at my
mom's house. i had just had a major argument with my sister where i basically ripped her lifestyle apart and didnt hare anything positive to say. she stormed off, and then there was a giant earthquake. we all hid in doorways until it passed, then tried to find a radio so we could figure out what was going on. this proved to be quite an effort, i remember it taking up as much dream time as the argument and earthquake. my dad was putting on a mechanic's jumpsuit and i joked with him about what a bad idea it would be to go outside before we knew what was going on. as i'm saying this, i realize my brother John somehow managed to sneak outside.
i run upstairs and get to the back door quick enough to hear him yell "Shit!"' a few times. i could see explosions going off in the distance and i assumed that's why he was yelling. whatever was happening wasn't over.
suddenly a barrage of bullets started advancing from the grass behind him, in waves. i understood why he was screaming. whatever it was, it wa much closer than i imagined.
"Run!'' i screamed, and he did. as he got closer to the house lines of soldiers popped up from behind the grass and started advancing. They were probably 100 yards away and advancing slowly. John didn't make it - he was shot in tre heart about 3 feet from the back door. he took a few more steps toward the house, while i thought if he just made it inside he'd be fine. then he collapsed. i felt horrible pain and didn't know what to do. i knew the advancing soldiers couldn't find us in the house. i ran downstairs and toldl my family John was dead and we needed to hide in the attic and make it look line nohody was home. as we started preparing , i had the horrible thought that if they torched the house, the attic would be the worst place to be- and with a baby!! and then i woke up. and i couldn't tgo back to sleep-i mean how do you recover from your brother getting shot? i still feel wrong- like i should do something to make sure he's ok. i'm trying to figure out the Jungian implications of the dream-i hope i can figure it out so i dont have this dream again
okay, after a visit to dreammoods.com, this is what i have been able to discern:
The argument suggests that I am trying to resolve some internal conflict or some
unsettled issue in your waking life. (when am i not?) The earthquake suggests that i am experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. (Hmm, my company is about to merge with another one and move the HQ to another state... I wonder if this is related) The dream highlights my insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If i find cover from the quake, i will overcome these challenges. (Ok, great. I'll survive the merger, only to go searching for a radio...) The radio means that I'll have the ability to help or assist in some situation, but am/are/will refuse to do so. (Great! On to looking at what's going on outside...) The war going on outside signifies disorder and chaos in my personal affairs. I may also be experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle. (hah! again, when am i not?) The bombs and explosions signify that I may be going through a potentially explosive and trying situation in my waking life. The bomb could represent repressed desires and unexpressed emotions that are likely to explode or burst if not dealt with soon. (great... i had no idea i was repressing any merger-related fear, but that's what this sounds like to me!) It could be something within myself, such as the desire to explode with anger over an issue that's affecting you. The explosions specifically represent a loss and displeasure in business.. (when will it end?!? oh, here's a pleasant thought...) To see a shooting in your dream, indicates that you have a set goal and know what you are aiming for in life. Your plans are right on target! (right through my brother's heart, huh?) To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that i am lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this
person special or what do you like about him. (sadly, i dont know that i know enough about him...) It is that very quality that i am lacking in my own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life. (that's great. could my subconscious have shot a stranger? it still bugs me to think about this!)
oh, but that last bit? right before i woke up? it's all supposed to be happy positive stuff:
The attic represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that is being revealed. It also symbolizes my mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in my life that will hinder you from attaining my goals and aspirations. However, in the end, after a long period of struggle, i will overcome them. oh and the baby in the attic - innocence, warmth and new beginnings. New and fun friends. Babies may symbolize something in my own inner nature which is pure, vulnerable, and/or uncorrupted.
my brain hurts, and i didnt really have to analyze anything. i think i'm going to let this "translation" sit for a few days and see if anything that makes sense bubbles up to the top. i really really hope i dont have a repeat of this dream, EVER again.
on the twilight zone side of things, my mom just instant messaged me and told me that my brother John was in the hospital this weekend. they thought he had appendicitis but it turned out he's just got a kidney stone. he's on percoset until it comes out.
one more thing - yahoo is going to shut down my menagerie2.geo web site because i haven't updated it. read what i had there.
Song of the Day: sorrow
10/03/02
shit shit shit shit damn it fuck i wish i could think of more obscenities. i left my lunch bag in the fridge and had planned on eating the rest of it after my 3pm meeting. except at 3:30 on thursdays they clean out the fridge. everything in there goes in the trash
so at 4pm, i go into the kitchen to discover the yogurt i'd been saving all day had been disposed of. they didnt trash my lunch bag, but they threw away everything in it. including the mini glass jar i use to cart salad dressing around. they must have dumped it directly in the dumpster because i actually poked around in the trash in the hopes of retrieving it, and it wasn't there.
i am so depressed. and i have a headache because i didn't eat enough today. i was saving it for later so i could eat before i went to the gym.
CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! double CRAP!
fyi: i recovered. i stopped at the store on the way home and bought a power bar. i'm still irked about the tupperware they threw away, but i can buy more. i dont think i can replace the jar, unless i buy another jar of sliced mushrooms and then eat them all... i feel really stupid and really helpless about the whole situation.
Song of the Day: wish you were here
p.s. i just realized my blog turned one year old two days ago. a year of my life, open to public scruitiny. that's a major accomplishment for me. woohoo!! special thanks to moby, who made it all possible!
10/02/02
drizzle and an encounter with a long lost old friend. nothing like this combo to make you turn all retrospective and start evaluating your life.
ok, it was writing the catch-up email that did it. the past few years of my life condensed down into a paragraph makes my life (well, my career, at least) look much more glamourous than it feels. and it makes me feel like there are a few more things i want to add to that paragraph. i want to be published. regularly. in a publication people actually read. granted, that's impossible when i dont write anything, but i'm taking baby steps. semi-regular blog entries are one step, reading more books and learning how i don't want to write.
so. there it is in writing. as glamourous as my life might sound, i want a little more. so now i've got to get off my ass and actually do something about it.
so just as i'm waxing nostalgic about my career sucesses, i get a phone call from Manchester Who's Who. see, a few weeks ago they sent me an invitation to be included in their Who's Who book. all i had to
do what fill out a short info sheet and send it back. so i did. and today a representive called me to clarify a few things for my biography. he kept asking interview-type questions, like "where did you go to school" and "what degree did you get" and "where do
you see yourself in five years" and responded to every answer i gave with a slightly condesending "i see" (once, he upgraded to a "very well")
as the conversation went on, i slowly realized he was reading
a script and that at some point i would learn that inclusion in Manchester Who's Who would require some sort of fee. i was preparing myself for the fourty-nine-ninty five sales pitch. but first, i got
to hear about how my biography would be forwarded to the editing department. and that in 10-15 days i'd get a copy for review. i'd also get a copy of this year's edition of the registry, a CD-ROM version of the registry, and a wall plaque, with my name engraved
(and he read what the engravement would say). at this point i know there's a catch. and here it comes:
i can choose the platinum package, which allows lifetime membership and yearly updates of my bio, or the gold package, which allows 3 years of membership. if i get the platinum package at five eighty nine now and five eighty nine when the bio is published, the
plaque will state i'm a lifetime member. or i can go with the gold package at three eighty nine now and three eight nine later. i was tempted to ask if that was five point eight nine or five hundred eighty nine but i knew of course it was the latter. i asked if i
had to make the decision right now and he sensed my reluctance and started preaching the values of the gold package and do i not know who Manchester Who's Who is? they're a great networking resource because you know people who made it into the book are of a
certain caliber, and dont you want to network with professionals who are just as esteemed as i? now, i was pumping myself up in my entry this morning, but i know i'm not that esteemed. and the condesending "i see"s earlier in the conversation drove that home. so after he stopped to take a breath, i told him i didn't believe i needed to pay to network, thanked him for his time and hung up.
now i'm looking at their Web site. for $1000 a bio, you think they could pay their Webmaster to remove the links to Industry Standard and Upside Magazine... they've been out of business for almost a year. maybe i have come farther than i thought. at least i'm not
hawking an overpriced yearbook to strangers.
ok so after yesterday's little bit of self-loathing, i started to think that one of my acquaintences could move into the trusty friend zone. it seemed like our conversations were slowly working there way into the little place that my conversations haven't gone in a
long, long time. then, the gods pulled back their curtain and showed me that once again, my expectations were too high. she basically flat out said i'm a drain. that things i write are too negative, and she
shouldnt read things that bring her down. screw that crap. i dont need somebody to make me feel like shit, i can do that just fine on my own.
i'm the first to admit i'm overly cynical. most of the time, it's because it's funny. 95% of the time, in casual conversation, i dont believe the negative crap that's coming out of my mouth. 95% of the time, in a work scenario, i do believe it might happen and i plan
to ensure it doesn't happen. and then it doesnt.
i've come a long way since joe and i had that argument in central park near the american museum of natural history and he gave me the nickname "negative nancy." sure, at that point i was completely annoyed at everything joe had to say, but i listened to what he
said. i'm not nearly as negative as i used to be. and i'm happy with that. i like who i am. i dont like people telling me who i am is "draining." i particularly dont like it coming from people i'm
willing to consider friends. Don would tell me my standards are too high. if so, i dont care. i'm not going to tolerate people telling me a big part of my personality is wrong. i think running around being
"chipper" and irrationally positive is wrong, but i dont tell her to change. i dont even comment on it. because you take people for who they are. and if you dont like what they are, then dont initiate friendship in the first place.
ok, i'm going to get back to work. no more blog entries today.
Song of the Day: your body is a wonderland (note: OUT OUT DAMNED SONG! i hate you!)
10/01/02
waiting for the bus. hoping nobody bugs me...ooh too late for that - it was like mr. extra friendly read my mind.
mr. x-f: how are you doing today, miss?
me: fine.
mr. x-f: you having a good day?
me: yes.
mr. x-f: you gonna take The Link,miss?
me: nope
mr. x-f: well have a good day! (as he boards the free shuttle)
luckily it was a short exchange. i'd gotten all into writing my blog entry and didn't want to engage in friendly chit-chat. maybe next time.
today's thought: why can't i relate to women in the sex and the city friendship sense? i don't seem to be able to make (or, more importantly, keep) women friends. a SATC caliber conversation about my sex life has never happened to me. i've been shoe shopping with a girlfriend once. i haven't been clothes shopping with any female other than my mother in years (at least 10)... what the heck?!?
i don't seem to have a problem getting along with guys. being one of the few girls to discover cyberspace before that whole Internet thing gave me plenty of time to study the moden techno-geek. i don't seem to have any problems discussing how Dragonball Z compares to Ranma 1/2, or how great it is that you can network your X-Box and play against your neighbors, but lock me in a room with 5 women and our conversation doesn't get any more involved than the weather.
so, the question is - have i put up walls to keep other women out? if so, why can't i see them? how can i tear them down (ok, slowly pick them apart, brick by brick) without looking desperate?? i mean, i've survived this long without a designated best (female) friend ... (this long being approximately 9th grade, when my friend Regina and her family moved to Indiana...i wrote a cheesy poem for the occasion and thus began the next four years of crappy, self-absorbed poetry)
oh, i've forgotten what i was ranting about. and the bus is too bumpy to write as fast as i'd like. oh, and this months bus pass is damn ugly. that's just an aside. i'll scan it in, if i remember.
Song of the Day: somewhere out there