All-Type Jokes III
The
moral of the story - never type an e-mail address from memory.
As
you are receiving my note by e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily this
wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious
consequences.
Consider
the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a
vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet
him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a
quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her
e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he
missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's
wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow
checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream,
and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the
room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest
Wife,
Just
got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here. Return to top
A
guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls.
"Hey, buddy, that's a nice car.
You got a phone in your Rolls? I've
got a phone in my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said
snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great man!
Hey, you got a TV in there? You
know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now,
replied, "Of course, I have a television.
A Roll-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool
car! Hey, you got a bed in there?
I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and
went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in
the back of his Rolls-Royce. The
next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb.
It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard.
It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all
He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly. The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?! Return to top
AUDI
- Accelerates Under Divine Influence
Always Under Daily Inspection
CHEVROLET
- Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
ESCORT
- Even Small Cars Occasionally
Require Towing
FIAT
- Feeble Italian Attempt at
Transportation
Fix It Again Tony
First In All Troubles
FORD
- Fix Or Repair Daily
HONDA
- Highly Overpriced Non-Deductible
Asset
Had One, Never Did Again
HYUNDAI
- Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable
And Inexpensive
LOTUS
- Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
MAZDA
- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
PINTO
- Performance Is Not The Object
PORSCHE
- Proves Only Rich Suckers Can Have
Everything
ROVER
- Runs On Very Expensive Repairs
SAAB
- Shocks Are Always Bad
SUBARU
- Severely Useless, But Also Really Ugly
TOYOTA
- To Own Your Own Trash Assembly
Take Off Your Oversized Tires, Andy
VOLKSWAGEN
- Very Old Lowered Kustom Sedan With A Great Engine Noise
VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object Return to top
In case you needed further proof
that the human race is doomed through
On
Sears hairdryer:
"Do
not use while sleeping."
(Gee,
that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On
a bag of Fritos:
"You
could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The
shoplifter special.)
On
a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions:
Use like regular soap."
(And
that would be how . . .?)
On
some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving
suggestion: Defrost."
(But
it's *just* a suggestion.)
On
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do
not turn upside down."
(Too
late!)
On
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product
will be hot after heating."
(As
night follows the day . . . )
On
packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do
not iron clothes on body."
(But
wouldn't this save more time?)
On
Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do
not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On
Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning:
May cause drowsiness."
(One
would hope.)
On
most brands of Christmas lights:
"For
indoor or outdoor use only."
(As
opposed to what?)
On
a Japanese food processor:
"Not
to be used for the other use."
(I
gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On
Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning:
contains nuts."
(Talk
about a newsflash.)
On
an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step
3: Fly Delta.)
On
a child's superman costume:
"Wearing
of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I
don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
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