Check
out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton --
1.
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the
"Any" key is.
2.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to
control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the
mouse was packaged in.
3.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system
wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After
trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was
found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the
typewriter to type the labels.
4.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few
days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the
floppies.
5.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the
drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard
putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to
his room.
6.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "send" key.
7.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech
suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,
"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man
said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.
8.
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.
He had cleaned by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the
keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9.
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his
computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained
that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.
10.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell
Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician
asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I
pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.
The
"foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11.
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer
wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for
20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she
pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12.
True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller:
"Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech
Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller:
"The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How
do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech
Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller:
"Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech
Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotional,
at
a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on
it?"
Caller:
"It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It
just has '4X' on it."
At
this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder,
and snapped it off the drive!
Return
to top
IMAGINE (John
Lennon)
Imagine there's no Windows,
It's easy if you try.
No fatal errors or new bugs
To kill your hard drives.
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Leaving us in peace
Imagine never ending hard disks,
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to del or wipe off
And no floppy too
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Sharing all his money oooh...
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us
And your games will fit in RAM
Imagine 1-Giga RAM
I wonder if you can.
No need for left-shifts or setups
And no booting again and again.
Imagine all the systems
Working all life-time
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
Maybe someday I'll be a cracker
And then I'll make Windows run.
YESTERDAY
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of
pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used
to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far
away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday
Let It Be
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
speaking words of wisdom:
Write in C.
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Delphi won't quite cut it.
Write in C. Return to top
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