Engineer Jokes
A
group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're
falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures--the whole thing is just a
mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over,
pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end,
gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer
has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an
engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
To
the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A
pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The
doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi
George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
they?"
The
greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."
The
group was silent for a moment.
The
pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight."
The
doctor said, "Good idea. And
I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can
do for them."
The
engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
There
was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they
They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.
The
engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He
spent a day studying the huge machine. At
the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The
part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The
engineer responded briefly:
One
chalk mark $1
Knowing
where to put it $49,999
It
was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
What
is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical
Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
"Normal
people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
An
engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The
frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket.
The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally,
the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The
engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Two
engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"
The
second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the round, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The
second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
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