5/11/00
I think Megan is trying to kill me. She got a phone call yesterday from a shithead collection agent about a $1200 bill she owes to a fucking hospital for an ER visit that produced NOTHING with regard to any sort of diagnosis. So Mr. Prick from Agency X told her he was going to garnish her wages and they wouldn't accept her "pathetic" payments and "we'll just see what the court has to say" and then called her a bitch and hung up on her. I promptly called the fucker and left him a voice mail message: "This is Angela Blank with So-and-So Law Firm, I'm calling regarding our client, Megan Person, please give us a call back at this number..." So he left me a message this morning at straight up 8'o'clock, just as polite and well-mannered as can be. Assmunch. I'm going to ignore him all day and then call tomorrow asking for his fax number. (I'm buying time. Big Boss Man, whose assistance I'm going to request in this, is in meetings until Monday and not even in the office.) But I swear, if she doesn't start getting her shit together and paying her bills and taking care of her own shit, I'm going to have a fucking coronary.
Some thoughts on VH1: I was ten when MTV first appeared on my television, and I thought it was just the coolest thing since the 8-track. (Cassette tapes were just smaller versions of 8-tracks, and therefore, not that big a deal. Duh.) Now it seems that I can't stand to watch MTV for longer than say, 30 seconds or so. I hate Britney "Child Whore" Spears and I hate the Backassward Boys and I hate N-Summer School Cuz We Can't Spell and I'm not into the whole "Latin Explosion" crap--Ricky Martin's fans wouldn't think he was so cool if they were actually old enough to remember MENUDO, and Jennifer Lopez is just an average ho. Not that any of this matters, because MTV hasn't played a video since 1992. So I turn to VH1 to watch all the videos I used to watch on MTV. Actually, I used to hate VH1 (in the MTV day) until I discovered that they actually played Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls. Thus began my long tumultuous relationship with this sister network.
My current beef with VH1 is that they're making me feel so damned OLD. While flipping channels hoping for yet another broadcast of the "Behind the Music" on Stevie Nicks (I've watched it 6 times and I can't get enough), I stumbled across "Video Killed the Radio Star." Joy! Very interesting to watch and reflect, that is, if you're over 25 and were never cool in the first place. A few observations: *Kid Rock looks almost exactly like The Asshole, even more reason for me to hate him. *The video for "Jeremy" (Pearl Jam) never inspired any of us Gen-Xers to go shoot ourselves in school, so why is everyone so convinced that video games are responsible for all the recent high school massacres? *Madonna, up until very recently, and in spite of the fact that she's just a skank, was incredibly hot--particularly in the videos for "Like a Prayer" and "Human Nature." *It's a crying shame that Kurt Cobain had to go and shoot himself (correction--had to be bumped off by that bitch slut whore Courtney Love--I bet her and Yoko Ono get together and have coffee and chat about killing off their rich hubbies) just as I was really getting into Nirvana. (Proof of how fucking old I am--I've not only seen Nirvana in concert, I saw Pearl Jam at a tiny little dive club in Kansas. HA!) *As much as I hate to admit it, I really like Guns 'n' Roses, even though Axl Rose is the ickiest man I've ever seen.
And the top observation--I really, REALLY miss REM. I used to be totally into them. I thought Michael Stipe was so incredibly hot and yes, I was devastated when I realized he was totally into boys. (I enjoyed his comments on the subject: "I was wearing eye liner and skirts in 1980, I thought everybody knew.") I had almost every one of their albums, most of them really crappy dubs. I listened to them inside and out. REM had a song for every single emotion that ran through my body. And then came "Automatic for the People," which wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. And "Monster?" I bought it, I tried to like it, I fucking hated it. I didn't buy their last album. I don't even know what it was called. I felt too let down to care. But a snipet from "Losing My Religion" on the VH1 special last night led me to dig up my incredibly bad dub of "Out of Time," which I am listening to right now.
"I was central, I had control, I lost my head...I need this...crazy what you could have had..."
This tape is really bringing back a lot of wild memories. I guess my youth wasn't so misspent, I just wasn't happy enough to appreciate it. And now I miss it. Because there are so many things I would do differently. Like not get married, for one. (Talk about a collossal fuck-up...) I wouldn't have been so concerned with having a day job and making a truck load of money. I would have got a roommate so I wouldn't have had to be so concerned with making a truck load of money. I wouldn't have taken that first credit card. I wouldn't have tried to turn every relationship into something it wasn't. I wouldn't have been so afraid. I would have dealt with things THEN and not wasted so much time. I would have paid more attention to the relationships that really WERE something.
Which makes me think of S, the best friend from high school that I was in love with but I hooked up with her boyfriend instead? I had a dream about her the other night. I really miss her, still. Not that I think any real "relationship" could have come of that, she was so homo-freaky anyway (her brother was a big fag and man, did she have ISSUES). But still, it was a friendship that I needed, that I loved, that I would give my left arm to regain. Dammit! Why is the universe filled with these incredible fuck-ups? It doesn't seem fair to have to pay forever for the transgressions of a 15-year-old...
Another band I miss is Culture Club. God, I loved them. I thought Boy George was fucking hot, too, although I have never admitted that. Gee...wonder what I found attractive about him? The fact that he looked like a chick, perhaps? And yet no one ever knew, because I wasn't athletically inclined and I really liked make-up. Stereotypes kill.
I really need to get my fucking computer at home in proper working order. Last night we couldn't even get on-line. And I really want to be able to make these entries at home. It would be a lot easier than trying to do it here with a bunch of fucking sharks swimming around. "Fins to the left...fins to the right..."
I'm feeling very on the verge of tears today and I don't know why and it's not even PMS. Three-two-one, one-two-three, what the fuck is bothering me? It's a malingering mourning of my lost sins...
"That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight...trying to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it..."
"Time cast its spell on you, but you won't forget me, I know I could have loved you but you would not let me...I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you...you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you..."
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