06/02/00
Megan got word in yesterday's mail that she has to take a non-credit BUT MANDATORY four-Saturday seminar in order to maintain her spot in the "advanced standing" MSW program. The first class is...tomorrow from 8:30 to 5:30. Man, that SUCKS. But as much as I truly feel for her (2 days' notice? that blows) and will miss spending the day with her, I'm secretly thinking back to all those weekend classes I took--6-10 on Friday, 8-5 on Saturday, 12-5 on Sunday--and laughing at her. Still, it's really shitty for any program to require something and not at least give you a fucking grade for it. I don't do shit unless my GPA is directly affected.
My friend C called me and invited me (begged me, actually) to go with him to a "white trash party" tonight after hours. (You know you're getting old when the definition of "party" transforms from "all-night-heavy-metal-drinking-drugging-sex-you-up-she-bang-cuz-my-'rents-are-in-Fiji" to "cocktail hour.") Apparently dressing the part is not required, it's more like the host is feeling cheap and will be serving box wine (a delicacy in Missouri, actually) and Pabst Blue Ribbon-ish beer. I agreed to go with him because I enjoy C's company tremendously and it's always fun to get a bunch of lawyers drunk and see who tries to take you home. I figure I'm gathering blackmail fodder to insure that I have many glowing letters of recommendation for my law school admission from some of KC's finest.
And yes, there's a chance that L might be there and even though he has himself a chickadee and I'm working things out with my own, a good slut never passes up a chance to market herself.
I'm so glad it's Friday. My sister and the Future Wife Beater (FWB for future reference) are moving in together this weekend. I assume all the bills are in my sister's name, seeing as how FWB is merely wrapping up his JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. Jesus fucking Christ, when will I find my REAL family? What in the hell are they going to talk about now that they live together? "Bye, honey, have a good day at school, don't forget to pick me up late tonight at Food-4-Less 'cuz I'm workin' a double shift..." Good Lord and butter. What can I say, I tried to steer her in the...less trailer park-ish direction, but you know what they say about "you can lead a horticulture..."
I have so much to do this weekend. I need to clean the house, I'd like to clean up the basement (although my deep dark fear of arachnids may put that on a back burner), I need to do a little gardening (I have pepper plants I started from seed like, 2 1/2 months ago that are just stagnating because I haven't transplanted them into real pots), I should clean out my car, I'd like to do a little writing, take the dogs to the park, etcetera etcetera ad nauseum... When did my life get so far out of my control? Maybe it's always been this way and I just finally gave up my "false sense" of control. Complete chaos. I'm supposed to thrive on that, right? Damn good thing I can't go to school this summer...I hardly have the time...
We took Noodle to Loose Park last night...it's this big sprawling park with lots of hills and tree groves with enormous trees, a big lagoon, a rose garden with a big fountain in the center (Noodle's private pool), just a beautiful place. I have to say I don't really know what it is about Noodle that people find so frightening. She's big, yes, but she's so obviously stupid and charming. It's the Golden Retriever genes..."duh, let's go dance with the butterflies among the purty daisies, momma..." Afterward we stopped at Baskin Robbins for ice cream (and yes, the dog gets her very own). It was a good evening.
And Megan's back to pulling her old shit. She owes a hospital $1500 from a year and a half ago (yes, I think medical care should be free, but it isn't, and you have to pay your bills) and now they're getting seriously pissy about it, they've given her until the 15th to come up with $1200 to settle it. Her cell phone got cut off because she hasn't paid her bill for three months and owes them around $150. She has a warrant out over a parking ticket for $45 that she refuses to pay because she just doesn't think she was ever parked in that area and she wants to see a copy of the ticket before she pays anything (understandable, but couldn't she have taken care of this MONTHS ago?). She got a credit card two months ago with a $200 limit that is now maxed. And as she's relaying all this I'm just looking at her incredulously. I mean, I can be a fuck up, but cripes. And then she says it--"I just can't handle all this stuff, you want to pay my bills for me?" FUCK no. You wanted control over your own life, here's your big chance. Change your own shitty diapers from now on. And then earlier, I asked her what she was planning to do tomorrow (Friday) night, and she gets all mopey and says, "oh, I was hoping to spend the night with you, but if you've got other plans..." Okay, last week, it was "I don't have a life of my own" and "I never get to do just stuff that I want to do" and "we need lives outside of each other" and now this week, it's same old same old. I don't THINK so. So I'm holding my ground, whether she likes it or not. Tonight I'm going to the white trash party with C and then maybe grabbing dinner, and she's more than welcome to join us for dinner but I'm not going to beg. And I am absolutely not re-taking-over her finances, because that would be just damned foolish. Isn't that what started all this fucking shit in the first place?
We have much to work on. And I'm not sure we can do it on our own. And she still hasn't bothered to track down a "suitable" therapist for us to work with. I'm afraid I can almost smell where this is going, and it doesn't smell pretty.
And now Crazy Paige has left a message on my voice mail. Good God, isn't she out of the country yet? I haven't heard from her in quite some time and thought maybe she'd come to her senses and snapped out of her fucking pity parade, but the number she gave me is the same cabin in Iowa she's been holing up in for months now. What a fucking spaz.
I have reached my limit with people who cannot (or will not) take care of themselves. I just can't deal with that shit anymore.
But I feel like some very positive changes are taking place in my life, as negative as they may appear at the outset. I am finally taking real control over things rather than letting shit just "happen" to me and around me and without me.
It's about damn time.
Must work now...I am falling so far behind...it's becoming all the more obvious that I am looking for another job!
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