Centering Ourselves
This weekend I happened to pop in a tape by Kimberly Hahn. For those of you who are not familiar with her, she is a veteran homeschooling mom of a large family. She has written a book on homeschooling and does many talks. What I listened to was a general tape on homeschooling, given to an audience of parents. It focused on the basic whys and hows, but it’s overriding message was the purpose and was very inspiring.
Kimberly gave me several wonderful reminders. After homeschooling for six years, you would think I know these by now. I know I have heard much of it over and over. But, we all need to renew our hearts. We need to be open to refreshment, we need reminders. And we need to remember our purpose. She reminded me of the purpose and caused me to think of how important it is as I deal with the real daily life at home.
We all need reminders because we get many mixed messages. We live in the big world and many messages we get can cause us to doubt. Some messages tell us “Whew! Thank goodness we are home and homeschooling!” But others can leave us feeling lacking. When we see a homeschooling mom who seems to have it all together, we can feel defeated. If we see a family successfully attending school we can wonder if we made the right choice. If we have a problem (or insecurity) with a portion of our home and school and see a potential solution that is out of reach, we worry. If only we could afford that distance homeschool program! If only we could find a good solid high school for the later years! If only I didn’t have to deal with this disability! The “if onlys” can overrun us if we forget our purpose and that God has every single solution for us.
Kimberly reminded me of the most important tenant of parenting today. Not teaching, parenting. Ultimately this is not about homeschooling, but about parenting. We as parents are the primary teachers of our children. Period. Choosing to homeschool is a secondary consideration. We all teach our children! We teach them to walk, talk, eat and go potty. That was the hard part! As they grow we can shift into helping them learn about the big beautiful world that God has created. And, with CM, we can teach through living ideas.
Upside Down View of How to Teach Children
God gave us these little souls to teach, raise and form. The responsibility is ours, yet today the world tells us it is not. The world has given over the responsibility of teaching children to the daycares, public schools and private/parochial schools. This is upside down. We as parents decide the best place for our children to learn. If we need outside assistance, we can seek it and it should be just that assistance for us.
In many schools, the parent is uninvolved or worse, uninvited! We are the primary teachers and we should be very involved, using the tools available as we see fit. If we decide to homeschool, there are also many tools available to us. We can chose from many methods, unschooling, CM, classical, etc. We can sign up with a distance umbrella school for support, books, even grading and diplomas. As homeschoolers, we need to use these tools. They are all part of the repertoire, toolbox to help us as we teach our children. We should not feel guilty about making a choice. We need to open up our hearts to God’s will for us and make the choices confidently and accept help wherever it is available and makes the most sense for our family.
With all these choices, what do we do? Do we homeschool? If we do, how do we do it? Ask God. Kimberly firmly states that we should feel a calling from God to homeschool. I didn’t have one when I started, but instead did it for academic/passion reasons. My kindergarten son was losing the love of learning. But now, I firmly know that God has me here at home. Kimberly said too, that if you homeschool only because you don’t like the local school options that reason would will give you strength until oh… about October. Then you will run out of steam! We need to know that God is leading us and importantly, that He will provide what we need.
Pray about your homeschool. Ask God what to do. When that distance program or private high school beckons, ask God if it is where your child should be. When things are not going well and you are ready to scrap one method for another, ask God. I find so many times I have to say: “God, please SHOW me what you want me to do. I don’t know, you have to SHOW me. No hints, just SHOW me.”
I am talking to myself as much as I am to you all sitting here. It is so easy to get lost in all the messages. It is human nature. Many messages are good, messages of support. My friend and co-leader, Karen has given me so much loving support over the years. But she can also make a comment, which unknowing to her can cause me angst. Why? Because it may be a simple event in her child’s life that I know is a continuous struggle in my house. What is simple for her is difficult for me. Why did it affect me so? Because I was not centered. I had lost my purpose and lost sight of what God wants me to do.
The Secret is Joy. No matter what our circumstance, knowing we are following Christ in our homes and children’s education and leaving the decisions to Him will bring us that peace. Let God do the heavy lifting! We cannot manage the details, and forget perfectionism! With Him the yoke is easy and the burden is light.
We have been entrusted with these souls and our job is not to teach math or history. We are here to raise saints, godly children. But, it turns out we will be chiseled at a bit along the way! I think God’s plan for me to homeschool was not only for my children’s benefit, but to give me a running chance at some humility!
God will give us whatever we need to accomplish this. So, we need not angst. It is a tremendous job and tremendously important, but we need not fear. We need not be afraid, he is with us every step of the way if we just get ourselves out of the way and listen for his voice.
More often than not the answers he gives us are not the ones we expect. We usually have the plan already decided, and in my case it usually comes after some heavy-duty research. Yes, I have it figured out! Don’t worry, God, it’s covered from here. And then, whoops! I fall flat. But, he gave us our minds and imagination as tools, too, and if we give up the reigns, he will guide us along.
Upside Down View of What to Teach Children
Kimberly mentioned how she and her husband started homeschooling for academic reasons. Somewhat prideful reasons, too she admitted. We all focus on academics. Usually our biggest worries are what to teach, how will the measure up and will our children be able to compete?
Every veteran homeschooler I have talked to has always said the same thing. It’s similar to the story we always hear about the old man on his deathbed… never wished he had spent more time at the office but wished for one more day with his family. Veteran homeschoolers will tell you the academics were not the most important part of being home, the relationships were. Take time, nurture virtues, train away vices, follow passions, form habits and take time. Time is the most precious gift we have, and those days we take the time to really spend with our kids are the days they learn the most and we all treasure the most.
Kimberly mentions how if we are looking for the the very best method of learning is available to our children… we already have it. Right now. It is tutoring. We are tutors. We have the luxury of really understanding what our children know. We can slow down or speed up. With Cm, we can have them narrate, not test. They are not failures they are growing and learning at their own pace. She gave an example of her 4 year old that was just dying to do lessons like her older siblings. Kimberly gave her a kindergarten level math book and she finished it in two days. She gave her more and she did more. She was just burning through this stuff! But, when it came to phonics, the child could not connect the B and the A to make BA. Over and over they did it, but to no avail. Finally she got BA, so T was added. Back to square one. Finally Kimberly gave her letters to play with all year long, kept giving her bigger and better math books and took a break for the summer. Kimberly asked her daughter what her favorite subject was last year and the girl said learning letters. Next fall, Kimberly brought out the letters and showed her B-A-T. “Oh, bat, that’s easy Mom!” No big deal.
In a public kindergarten school she would have had a double failure. The girl would have been held back in math because it would have driven the teacher crazy! And she would have failed phonics. But, at home she was a winner in both.
This example shows that we can help our children be their best. We can avoid the negatives that block them from knowing who they are and who they are in God’s eyes. We can tutor and nurture them academically and spiritually. And we don’t have to deal with the cliques and negative peers situations in many schools.
Kimberly reminded me of my purpose. That is to raise my children to know, love and serve God. There are many tools available to us to achieve this purpose. But, if we play legos all week and put off math until tomorrow, it won’t be the end of the world. It may even be God’s plan.