Charlotte Mason for Mothers
Or … will this really work for me?
by Yvonne Rinaldi

I discovered Charlotte Mason’s methods by trial and error, and then I attended my first support group meeting, over 10 years after beginning this grand adventure of home education. I was so surprised to discover that my instincts, when I learned to trust them, not the education experts, were very Charlotte Mason like.

Most of my own mothering tendencies have been shaped by my exposure to groups not associated with homeschooling. My parents have molded many of my philosophies concerning the education of children. They taught me early in life that school was just something I did, it wasn’t who I was. I was fortunate to be raised in a family that valued a camping vacation on the beaches of Mexico, bumping around in our vintage Travel-All, above getting back to our desks in January. My father always included us in his hobbies and interests. One year we worked alongside him while he designed, then built his own airplane. My mother was equally influential. She is very well-read, and passed her love of words onto me, and I hope that I pass these values on to my children also.

My husband and I are parents to 5 children. We recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Our children range in age from 7 to 17, 4 girls and one boy. For those who wonder, our 4th child is our son. We have only lived here in the Houston area for a little over 2 years, moving from a much dryer, and remote area of Nevada.

It wasn’t until our move here that I had the opportunity for local person to person support. Prior to that my support came mainly from my husband, the internet and numerous books. We would travel over 200 miles one way to meet with fellow homeschoolers. This most likely played a large part in why I stumbled onto, and fell in love with many of the ideas that Charlotte Mason embodies in her written works.

Much that Charlotte advocated encompassed finding the best and surrounding ourselves with living ideas. She recognized that children are born persons, not little bodies in whom we need to infuse a spirit. God has already done that. It is only our part to guide, care for and love them into adulthood.

Raising whole children, not just those who exist apart from the family center, was our goal as parents early on. We didn’t want a disconnected family, as we witnessed the devastating effects of that philosophy in friends and family. Charlotte recognized this by stating that education is an atmosphere. Rather than isolating our children from our adult lives, letting them only play with toys, imitations of our real tools she advised parents to include their children in their lives. That meant for me that if they wanted to vacuum, I didn’t buy a toy vacuum. Rather, I taught them how to use mine. Instead of having a toy stove to cook on, they learned alongside how to prepare a meal, mix up cookie dough, and even letting them snitch a little uncooked cookie! Our children want to learn, and do what we do.

We’ve all witnessed and probably known undisciplined people, children and adults. This was one area that my husband and I are very adamant about. We didn’t want little drones, those who only responded to a barked order, snapping to attention. Neither did we want our children to be negligent, and uncaring about our home and family. Charlotte beautifully summarized this by encouraging the idea that education is a discipline. There are many tasks that need to be done in a day’s time. And, surprise, not all of them are fun, or fulfilling. But needed, nonetheless. Forming habits, good habits, is worthwhile. Teaching my children that the floor isn’t a hamper, or that the sink isn’t the dirty dish disposal device is worthwhile. Often we need to practice discipline with ourselves, first, and then teach our children. But Charlotte is right - discipline is necessary for our lives to have full meaning.

The other aspect that my husband and I strive for is to have a home full of books. We both grew up reading, though not nearly as much as our children do now. A lot of that has to do, I believe, with the fact that we’ve worked hard to fill our shelves with living, vibrant, inviting books. We also wanted to create a home where people want to be. We wanted a sense of order without feeling like we were visiting a museum. So here comes Charlotte’s third maxim, education is a life. Unless we have beauty surrounding us, we have a hard time recognizing it. We have always had far more books than just one child could possibly read; in fact I know we have enough to easily open our own neighborhood library.

So, all this sounds good. But. You are also probably wondering if Charlotte Mason’s philosophy of education will really improve your home life. What could this 19th century single workingwoman possibly have to say that could have any bearing on my family, my life, and my home right now? After all, no program, no matter how highly praised, is worth doing if it means your own family life will be severely disrupted.

Okay, it’s true confession time. Yes, there have been times when the little school down the street seemed like a good alternative. Have I yelled, even screamed at my kids? Yes. Is our home a little sanctuary of peace and quiet, always humming along nicely, and without stress? Not always. But, I am very happy to say; I think we achieve this ideal the vast majority of time.

One of my other goals has been not to fill their minds, but rather to open them, guide and instill a love of learning. Because of that, much of the burned out stress you often hear from homeschooling mothers hasn’t been a part of my own life. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn while I was still an active La Leche League leader was that I couldn’t tell other people what to do. Instead of being the answer person, my role was to provide support and accurate information. It was up to the individual mother to learn to trust her own instincts. In the same way, I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that I’m not my children’s teacher simply because I know the right way of learning. Rather I am much more a facilitator who directs and guides them in their learning. Sometimes I’m the cheerleader giving lots of atta boys and girls, and sometimes I’m called to be the disciplinarian. But always, I have known deep inside that I can’t make my children learn, I can only provide the tools, the environment, and the loving encouragement.

I value a home that is neat and tidy. This, too, I had to learn. My childhood home wasn’t the essence of order, but it sure was one to have fun in. Since having children, I’ve learned that I want the fun, but I can’t live in disorder. It has taken me time to discipline myself, as well as train a husband and children. But, for the most part, we are holding good in the home area. From the time our children were pretty small they’ve been involved in the day-to-day realities of keeping a home. They know how to cook, clean, and straighten. While not perfect, I can see them growing in their abilities, and desire to be my helpmates. The bonus is that I have an increasing amount of free time.

One part of Charlotte Mason that really allows me to do this is the short lessons. I can work with my youngest daughter, one on one for about 30 total minutes, and her formal lessons are completed for the day. How can this happen? Another maxim: habit of attention. We focus for this time period on the task at hand. When finished with what needs to be covered, she is free to have her own time to fill, as she wants. Each of my children benefit from time spent learning with me. Because they are able to focus on the task at hand, we are quick in finishing. Dawdling over work has become a thing of the past. I needn’t spend an entire day chasing down children to complete their work. I’ve also encouraged our children to be self-learners. That frees me to be available when they need me, but gives them the flexibility to work at the speed they need.

Our children aren’t just attuned to their own wants and needs. They recognize in each of their siblings, and parents that they sometimes need a friendly word, a joke, a hug, or even someone to just step in and help out. While I was busy one morning with our youngest, two of my older daughters were plotting in the kitchen. They surprised all of us with a delicious lunch. Best of all, they followed through and left the kitchen as clean as I like it to be. So in a very real sense, another of Charlotte’s maxims, education is a science of relations also holds true. And all of those relations aren’t just academic. Often times, though, when some news pops into the house, I find the kids discussing, and drawing in ideas from their own reading. Last year they were passionate about dogs. Our 3rd daughter had been promised a shelter dog, but needed to research and know the pros and cons of various breeds. All the kids learned about not only the names, but also general sizes, care of, health problems, temperament, etc. of various breeds. To do this, they needed to know how to read and compare various sources, often deciphering terminology previously foreign to them. They also learned how to ask questions, and how to interpret the information they either read, or received from the people with the dogs.

For a good while, prior to our last move in November, we were steady with our tea time. Since then, we’ve developed the habit of sitting down to a lunch and sharing a read-a-loud book while we eat. Last year we read Redwall, and this year it’s the Lewis and Clark journals. These also offer us the opportunity to discuss, compare and relate to the good, the evil, motivations and self-sacrifices. We each share in the adventures, and they all learn more about life without feeling they’ve been preached to.

Can you do this with a lot of children? Well, like most things, yes you can. But sometimes you might need to let go of some mythical ideal that has set itself in your brain. Each day will be different. Each day will offer it’s own opportunities and challenges. And each child will react in different ways. Because the whole child is respected, not just the part that can pass a spelling exam, your child feels loved. In Charlotte’s Victorian age, children were not thought of much at all. It wasn’t uncommon for nurses and tutors to spend far more time with children than their parents. Sadly, today’s society isn’t much different. We just don’t dress as nicely now.

Charlotte Mason showed us that all children are gifted, each in their own special way. It is with our loving guidance and passion that we help to unfold those gifts, and allow our children to grow the way God wants them to. Children nurtured along the guidelines that Miss Mason wrote know that they can learn anything. They know that they need only ask, and an adult will help and guide them to where they want to go. They know that knowledge isn’t just passing a test. Rather gaining knowledge is the key to their goals, both immediate and future. Because a Charlotte Mason educated child knows they are challenged, they rise quickly to the challenge. A wise mother doesn’t push further than they are ready for, nor does she fail to challenge.

In closing, a Charlotte Mason inspired mother has the opportunity to pursue her own interests. I know of mothers who are learning to play an instrument and pen beautiful poetry. You see, these mothers realize that they are also born persons. They are women who haven’t limited themselves to society’s definition of mother. They are mothers who have an excitement for life, an excitement that catches the whole family. When you wake up with a smile on your face and your children greet you with their own smiles, you know you are on the right track.