I Guess nothing just happens in isolation, and while I can never try to justify in any way what I did, I can but tell the story, & you make up your own mind.


I never knew what I wanted in life, always looking, and thought that drugs like Heroin and Cocaine would help me find myself. After 10 years of drug addiction, I stopped, but there was always that same question ? " What do you want " . Life became a difficult journey to stay off drugs, and find myself, find what it was that I needed to be happy.

I met a beautiful woman and we had a daughter, life was perfect, or so it seemed to me. Truth was that I was really struggling to find my own Identity, what am I doing here, what is the purpose of life, all those sorts of trivial questions, and so long as a Junkie, had left me ill prepared to deal with day to day things, let alone work out the big questions. The relationship became very painfull.

In 1980. My mother died. I went to Sydney for the funeral, and ended up staying there, in her house, sleeping in her room, trying to say goodbye, and not wanting to rush back to Perth, where I knew I had even more sadness waiting with the end of my relationship, and too much pain with not being there for my daughter.

My father pissed off when I was 12 , and I always promised myself I would never leave my child like he did to me. But when a relationship ends, and you aren't there every day, then you can't be a 'REAL DAD", it doesn't matter why the relationship ends, try explaining it to a 2 year old, it was a pain I stayed in Sydney to avoid.

Eventually I came back to Perth, but the only thing that killed the pain was heroin, so I went back to that, after 5 years off it. I was like some wounded animal, grieving for my mum, my girlfriend, and most of all for my daughter, and all I could think to do was to move away, get right away from people and just let the wounds heal.

I moved to the country, found my own private valley, no neighbours for miles, surrounded by forests, a quiet place to find some answers. The only time I left there was to shop or to go to Perth to see my daughter. Life was isolated, reflective, and full of sadness.

I decided to grow some marijuana, I wasn't sure what the future held, but I had no money, and growing pot seemed a good idea at the time.

TWO GUYS CAME TO ROB ME. I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY !

I STILL BELIEVE THEY WOULD HAVE KILLED ME TO GET THE CROP, BUT I WAS PRETTY SCREWED UP ABOUT SO MANY THINGS, AND MAYBE I JUST LOST THE PLOT.

There was no consideration of " self defense " it was all about drugs, and murder, and I want on the Journey to ' DEATH ROW ' .

WHAT HAPPENNED THAT DAY, CAN NEVER BE FORGOTTEN BY ME, I WILL LIVE WITH WHAT I DID FOREVER, AND I KNOW THAT A HUMAN BEING, CAN REACT WHEN THE RIGHT BUTTONS ARE PUSHED, AND I EXPLODED.

I CAN NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN, I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON. VOILENCE IS NEVER AN ANSWER TO ANYTHING.


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