FF Unforgiven 2/3 - W/T - PG13
Unforgiven
Part 2/3
Author: Frau Hunter Ash
Copyright © 2002 by Hunter Ash. All Rights Reserved.
Email: carrkjar@yahoo.com Feedback welcome!!
Homepage Addy: http://www.hunterash.com/
Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox,
Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline,
however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be
sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made
for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright
notices.
F/F romance: the story assumes a loving and sexual relationship
between people of the same gender. If this offends or is illegal for
you, then please leave. Come back when you are older, have an open
mind, moved, or changed your laws.
Spoilers: Wrecked, Season 6
Summary: This takes place after Wrecked. Willow decides to leave
Sunnydale after the disasters with Rack and black magic. When she's
finally found by Angel and crew, she's nearly dead from exhaustion
and malnutrition and in a coma.
Tara and Xander follow her to Los Angeles to help in her recovery
when the rest of the Gang refuses to be bothered by Willow's
disappearance and problems.
Warning: Buffy is a little self centered and selfish in this one.
Rating: PG-13
++++++++++
The days turned into weeks as Willow began to show signs of slight
improvement. She was moved into a semi-private room and the
breathing tube was removed.
Everyone sighed with relief when she began breathing on her own.
After some slight legal hassles were settled, the hospital set up a
bed next to Willow's for Tara, it was difficult for anyone to get her
away from Willow's side. She took over most of the nursing duties
and gave Willow her undivided attention and care. Tara moved
Willow's legs and arms, keeping muscles flexible and nerves from
shrinking. The witch talked with Willow constantly, reading to her,
singing, chanting and just holding her hand.
Cordelia peeked in the door one day and shook her head at Wesley as
he glanced over his shoulder.
Tara was reading something to the unconscious Willow.
"She never leaves," Cordy complained.
"Xander told me that during that mess with Glory, Tara was hurt.
Glory took most of her mind and she was left worse than a child,"
Wesley said softly, pulling Cordelia back into the hallway. "Willow
refused to place her in hospital even though everyone urged her to do
so. She took care of Tara and never lost hope."
"How did they save her?" Cordelia asked, wishing she had gotten to
know Tara before this latest disaster.
"Willow worked a spell and did exactly what Glory did to Tara, she
took Tara's mind back from Glory and transferred it back to her
lover," Wesley explained.
"They really love each other, don't they?" Cordy asked.
"Yes, I believe so," he agreed.
"What if she doesn't wake up, Tara can't keep this up," Cordy asked,
her face reflecting her worry.
"I don't know, I agree that she can't keep this up," Wesley nodded.
++++++++++++++++
Another month passed and Xander decided to make a trip back to
Sunnydale to retrieve some of his and Tara's belongings.
They had agreed to move into Angels' hotel along with the rest of the
Los Angeles group. Xander was quite pleased when he seemed to fit
right in with the Angel and the others.
For having hated Angel for a number of years, Xander was surprised
when they settled into an easy truce. Xander joked that after
dealing with Spike for so long, dealing with a vampire with a soul
was easy. He and Gunn also got along surprisingly well, helping with
the physical stuff and spending time at the nearby bar afterwards.
For once, Xander felt useful and not a fifth wheel.
Tara watched as Xander placed a small ice chest in the front seat of
the small used Dodge Colt and turned to her.
"I wish you didn't have to go back," she said softly.
"I want to get some of my things and some of the stuff you and Willow
left behind," he explained again.
"That means you'll have to run into at least one of them," she
complained. "They know you're coming."
"I know, they still are pissed off that we left and that Willow's
actually sick," Xander growled, frowning deeply. "I think Buffy
would have preferred Willow to come crawling back after a week of
feeling sorry for herself."
"They're feeling guilty because they didn't care to look for her,"
Tara agreed.
"How did things get so wrong this year?" Xander muttered, leaning on
the car door.
"I don't know," Tara said thoughtfully, leaning on the car roof with
her arms. "I don't think Buffy dealt with coming back from the
peaceful realm. Has to change a person."
"Yeah, too bad she didn't reach out to her friends instead of getting
horizontal with Spike," Xander complained.
"Don't let them push your buttons, especially Anya," Tara smiled
gently, hugging him tightly for a moment.
"I won't," Xander smiled and then looked thoughtful. "You know, I
thought it would hurt more."
"Just be careful," Tara urged.
"Take care of Will," he said with a smile and got into the small blue
car.
Tara watched as he drove off. Xander was becoming more and more
confident in his driving and in life overall the longer they stayed
in Los Angeles, she reflected.
Cordelia watched from the door of the hotel as Tara turned back to
walk inside.
"He's changed," Cordy commented.
"We all have," Tara added.
"Want a ride back to the hospital?" Cordy offered. "Any change in
Willow?"
"Yes to both," Tara managed to smile a tired smile. "She's starting
to open her eyes occasionally and almost wake up. The doctors said to
expect this and not to get my hopes up but I can't help it."
"Damned doctors," Cordy complained, reaching for her purse behind the
main desk. "Always hedging their bets so they can't be wrong."
"I know, they say she'll either wake up or she won't," Tara
agreed. "Duh!"
"You think Buffy will give Xander a hard time?" Cordy asked as they
moved towards the garage.
"Maybe," Tara replied thoughtfully.
Once they stepped out of the elevator, both Cordy and Tara knew
something was different. The nurses were chattering excitedly and
were hovering near the desk, as if waiting for something.
Tara felt her heart sinking with the fear that Willow had finally
given up until one of the nurses spotted them and grinned at the
young women. She hurried around the desk, excitement gushing from
her.
"She's awake and aware!" she announced.
Tara felt her knees buckling and Cordy reaching out to grab her arm.
"What?" Cordy gasped.
"Willow is awake and aware!" the nurse repeated as the other two
nurses applauded. They had watched Tara spending nearly 16 hours a
day with her lover and her tireless devotion. The women were clearly
overjoyed.
"Now, she can't speak yet," one of them warned. "Her vocal cords are
a little rough, but she's awake and knows who all has been here for
her."
"She's asking for you, honey," the older black nurse finished.
"Willow!" Tara's eyes brightened as the news sank in and she dashed
for the room.
"Doctor's on his way to examine her and explain her recovery," the
first nurse informed Cordelia.
The nurse and Cordy moved to the door and glanced inside, both
grinning from ear to ear as they watched Tara hugging Willow, both
women crying with joy.
++++++++++
Xander glanced at his pager with a frown.
"Damn, must have the cell phone off," he complained to himself. He
had just pulled up in front of the Summers house. Xander debated
whether to call Tara first or get his visit over with.
He saw someone watching him from the front window and decided to get
it over with. Maybe the phone call to Tara afterwards would help.
Xander got out of his car reluctantly.
The last few months hadn't changed the shattered friendship. Buffy
was still angry Willow had left and blamed the witch for everything
going wrong. Anya alternated between begging Xander to return and
screaming at him for leaving and threatening parts of his body if she
ever saw him again. Dawn was the only one who had kept up decent
contact through letters and phone calls. After her initial anger,
she actually sounded concerned over Willow's illness.
Xander approached the familiar house slowly, wondering who had been
at the window. He couldn't help but grin when Dawn opened the door
and dashed into his arms. Xander hugged her with a laugh.
"Hey, you've grown!" he declared, as he looked her over.
"It's only been three months," she protested but blushed under his
observation.
"Hey, get back in here, Lil' Bit!" an accented voice called.
"Spike?" Xander muttered.
"Shut up, Billy!" Dawn snapped. "He hates it when I call him Billy,"
Dawn giggled to Xander. "I saw old videos on MTV and I told him he
looks like Billy Idol."
Xander grinned.
"It's getting dark, get your arse back in here!" Spike yelled.
"I'm with Xander!" Dawn screamed back. "At least he can go out in the
sunlight!"
Xander heard boots hitting the floor and braced himself as Spike
pulled the door the rest of the way open, glaring at the former
Scooby member.
"'Ello, mate," Spike smirked.
"Right at home, huh, Spike?" Xander smirked back. "Isn't Buffy's
bedroom a little too bright for you?"
"Not any more," Buffy's voice joined them as she walked slowly down
the stairs.
Xander felt a pang of grief sweep over him as he watched the Slayer
walk up and readily accepted Spike's arm around her shoulder. The
young man could see the challenge in Buffy's eyes, daring him to
judge her relationship with Spike.
"Hello, Buffy," he said calmly.
"You've decided to stay in LA?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, Willow is showing some signs of improvement and Tara won't
leave her," Xander answered as Dawn glared at her sister and vampire
boyfriend.
"Let's get you two inside," Buffy suggested.
"I train with her daily, I'm 16 and they still won't let me out after
dark," Dawn complained. "You know how hard that is on a social life?"
Xander grinned. It felt really weird to have Dawn suddenly confiding
and being friendly with him after the fight but it also felt nice.
"You know how dangerous it is, every damned undead thing out there
knows who I am and who you are," Buffy growled.
"Is our stuff packed up?" Xander asked, getting to the point.
"Yeah, I managed to keep Anya out of yours," Buffy said, pointing to
boxes next to the door. "You're not staying?"
"No, I want to get back," Xander said slowly.
"Dawn says you're working for Peaches," Spike commented.
"Yeah, he's been good to us," Xander replied.
"Imagine that," Spike smirked as they moved into the house. "Don't
feel like a fifth wheel anymore, even with Gunn being the brawn and
Wesley the brains? Where the hell does that leave you?"
Xander felt his old irritation rising quickly.
"Spike, knock it off," Buffy growled.
"Keep in touch, Dawn," Xander said softly, turning to grab the boxes.
"Xander, wait," Buffy said, placing a hand on Xander's arm.
"What for? You want to join in slamming me?" the young man growled
back.
"No, I'm sorry about that," Buffy said gently. "Spike's just being
Spike. Let's have some coffee or something and tell me about Willow
and Tara."
"Look, this is really awkward for me, Buff," Xander admitted and then
seemed to hesitate. "Alright, one quick soda."
"Spike, go help Dawn with her homework," Buffy ordered, heading to
the kitchen with Xander following.
Xander sat down at the familiar kitchen table and popped open the
Classic Coke Buffy handed him. Buffy sat down across from him.
"Tell me about Willow," Buffy suggested.
"Not much to tell," Xander frowned, he was reluctant to talk about
the cause of his collapsed engagement and friendships in Sunnydale.
"Please, Xander," Buffy pleaded. "I'd like to know."
"Why?" he demanded. "Out of guilt that Will was actually in trouble
or do you care?"
"I care, Xan," Buffy said softly, her eyes filling with tears. "We
were wrong. I've been wrong."
"If we had found her sooner, we might have been able to stop her
suicidal crash," he snarled. "The doctors say that if she wakes up
it'll be months of physical therapy, even if there's no brain damage.
So far her internal organs seem okay but they're not sure."
"Xander, I'm sorry," Buffy said softly, her eyes filling with
tears. "I don't know what happened to me when I came back.
Everything seemed off and I was different and I blamed Will for
bringing me back."
"We all made mistakes, your worst one was turning to Spike and not
the rest of us," Xander commented.
"Spike loves me, Xander," Buffy growled.
"That's nice," Xander snapped. "We loved you too."
"What about you and Tara, are you okay?"
"Tara watches over Willow night and day, helping with her therapy to
keep her muscles flexible and reads to her and stuff," Xander
answered. "I work for Angel and it's good. I'm starting community
college next semester."
"What about Will?" Buffy asked.
"She's showing signs of improving but the doctors don't agree if
she'll come out of it or not or in one piece mentally or physically."
"Xander, how can we make this right?" Buffy asked.
"Just give it some time," he said after a moment. "I want to get
back, Buff."
"Okay, I'll help with the boxes. I went to Willow's home and got some
stuff I thought she might want," Buffy tried to smile.
"I stopped by my parent's basement before stopping here," Xander said
softly.
"Did you see them?"
"No, I'm not even sure if they're aware that I left town months ago,"
Xander said ruefully.
"I'm sorry, Xan," Buffy said gently.
"Some things in Sunnydale never change," Xander said calmly. "Come
help."
Together the two of them managed to get all the boxes and a duffle
bag into the small car.
Xander hesitated, sensing Buffy's reluctance. He opened his arms and
accepted a warm hug.
They both turned at the sound of a window opening and Spike yelling
at Dawn. The teenager leaned out the window.
"You'd better come visit more often, Xander!" she shouted.
"Okay, I will," Xander shouted back. "Keep up the grades."
The young man turned back to his car and jumped when he felt his
pager go off again. He quickly glanced at the number with a frown.
"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, surprised to see Xander with a pager
and then to see him reaching into the car for a cell phone.
"I don't know," he muttered. "I got a buzz from Tara earlier and now
Cordy's typing in 911."
Xander quickly used the speed dial on the phone and listened for the
tones.
"Harris, where the hell have you been?" Cordy's voice shouted.
"I'm at Buffy's just about to leave, what's the dire?" he asked, a
feeling of dread sweeping over him. "Willow's not…"
Buffy noticed his expression and moved a little closer, wanting to
know what was wrong and to possibly comfort her old friend.
The Slayer heard Dawn and Spike arguing upstairs through the open
window and wondered again if she had done the right thing, or things,
since returning from the dead. Was it worth the cost to lose Xander,
Tara and Willow? Buffy was beginning to regret a lot of things.
"She's awake!" Cordy shouted. "Willow's awake and talking with Tara!
Her mind seems somewhat okay."
"Oh my God," Xander muttered and leaned back against his car as his
knees weakened.
"Xander?" Buffy's voice was fearful and her face beginning to break.
"It's Willow," he muttered. "She's awake and talking."
"Oh," Buffy said softly and then began to smile as the news sank in
and saw the same reaction from Xander.
"Yes!" he shouted turning to pound on the roof of his car in joy.
"What's the what?" Dawn called from the window as Spike crowded in
beside her.
"Willow's awake and talking!" Buffy shouted back and laughed as
Xander turned and grabbed her into a hug.
"Yes!" Xander repeated. "Wow! Cordy that's fantastic! I'm on my way
back!"
"Drive safe, Harris," Cordy laughed in response. "Willow and Tara
will hunt your soul down if you get killed in a traffic stitch."
Xander laughed, still grinning from ear to ear. "I will, tell them
I'll be there in a few hours."
Buffy continued to smile as she hugged Xander again.
"Let us know how she's doing," Buffy asked and Xander nodded as he
got in his car.
++++++++++++
Cordy grinned as she walked back into the hospital room and saw Tara
practically on the bed, holding Willow in her arms.
"I got a hold of Xander, he's on his way back," Cordelia announced.
"Good," Tara said softly. "Angel and Wesley?"
"As soon as they can, now that it's sunset," Cordy smiled and sat
down in a chair, watching Willow closely as the witch's green eyes
watched her and Tara. "How you doing?"
"Okay," Willow answered, her voice harsh and graveled. "What
happened? Where?"
"Do you remember leaving Sunnydale?" Tara asked softly, stroking
Willow's hair.
Willow nodded. "No one wants me," she whispered.
"That's so not true!" Cordy protested. "But later we'll get into how
Tara has barely left your side to eat and sleep for months. Do you
remember roaming around the entire Western territories?"
Willow's face became puzzled as she tried to process Cordy's words
and question.
"You got on a bus and it looks like you just kept switching buses and
kept moving," Tara explained. "Do you remember that?"
"Some," Willow again nodded and whimpered as she tried to raise her
arm. "Hurts."
"It's going to for awhile," Tara said. "It'll take time to get you up
and moving again. We've exercised your muscles but not enough for you
to jump out of this bed."
"Do you remember hitting LA and checking into a hotel?" Cordy asked
gently watching Willow's eyes.
Willow shook her head after a moment of thinking.
"I'm not surprised, really," Cordy said thoughtfully. "You were
pretty far gone by then. Why someone didn't stop you on one of those
buses is beyond me. You looked horrible and were just about dead when
we found you."
"How?" Willow croaked.
"I had a vision and we found you," Cordy said impatiently. "You
almost killed yourself, Willow Rosenberg, and I am so pissed off at
you for that."
"Nothing left," Willow muttered.
"That's not true, Willow," Angel said as he and Wesley walked in the
door. "We love you and would have helped."
"No, did bad stuff," the witch protested.
"We love you, Willow," Tara said gently, holding her ex tightly. "I
love you."
"Left me," Willow grumbled in her limited vocal capabilities.
"Yes, and I'm sorry," Tara nodded. "I couldn't take where you were
headed and I didn't know how to help. And we have a lot to talk
about, I admit I'm pissed about you losing control and then leaving
like that."
"Giles should have stayed and helped with that and with Buffy," Angel
commented, somewhat bitterly.
"Left everyone, all hanging," Willow muttered.
"Yes," Angel agreed. "From the sounds of it, all of you were in
crisis and no one reached out for help."
"Tara?" Willow asked softly. "I'm sorry."
The blonde witch reached down and kissed Willow gently.
"I know, so am I," Tara whispered. "I love you, Willow, and I'm not
leaving you again. Next time, I'll strangle you."
"Everything hurts," Willow complained, closing her eyes.
"Doctor said she'd want to sleep a lot," Cordy said softly.
"That doesn't make sense," Wesley complained. "She's been asleep for
two months."
"It's apparently a different kind of sleep," Cordy explained. "Now
her body will try healing itself instead of slipping away."
"I'm staying with her," Tara said, wiping a tear of regret and joy
from her cheek.
"Of course. Is Xander on his way?" Angel asked.
"Yeah, I got a hold of him and he's on his way back now," Cordy
grinned. "He nearly broke my eardrum when I told him the news. He
started pounding on something and shouting."
Angel grinned. "I hope he drives safely."
"He'd better," Cordy grumbled as they walked to the door of the
room. "She's going to need all of us, especially Xander and Tara to
forgive her."
"She'd didn't do that badly," Wesley protested. "Giles did a hell of
a lot more damage in his day."
"I know, but she feels she let everyone down," Angel
countered. "When she found out that Buffy was at peace and not happy
to be alive again, it shattered Willow's confidence and she started
downhill from there."
"Well, I think Buffy is an ungrateful, spoiled brat," Cordy
commented. "And I should know! I've been one most of my life!"
Angel and Wesley somehow resisted grinning and agreeing with Queen C.
++++++++++++
Willow drifted in an out of sleep for several days before finally
settling on a more regular sleep schedule. Then began the torturous
weeks of physical therapy to regain the use of her shattered and
lethargic body and muscles.
It was also a time to heal emotional wounds.
Willow had cried herself to sleep when she saw and heard how devoted
Xander and Tara had been in finding her and then in caring for her.
It had taken a lot of reassurances and gentle touches from Tara to
convince Willow that her ex lover wasn't doing it out of a sense of
duty or obligation but actually out of love. Willow also accepted
Tara and Xander working out some of their emotional pain from her
actions. She had cried softly and promised not to run away again,
physically or emotionally.
++++++++++
Xander and Tara rushed to Willow's bedside one afternoon when they
opened the door and realized she was crying softly. They each took a
side of the bed and held the red-head as she cried.
"Will, what is it?" Tara asked gently. "Are you hurting?"
"No, not physical stuff," Willow sobbed. "Well, I'm always hurting
physically but that's not what's wrong this time. I do feel like
crying over the physical though, I'm so tired of being tired and
hurting all the time…."
"Will!" Xander cut in on a trade-mark babble.
"I called Buffy, I wanted to apologize to Dawn again for the mess,"
Willow said softly, laying her head on Tara's shoulders.
It pained Xander to see the braces on Willow's wrists and legs. He
had no idea how painful it was nor how long it would take for her to
regain her strength. The doctors warned them that it could take up
to a full year to totally regain her bone mass and full muscle
strength. As it was, she was almost helpless as she struggled to
strengthen her body again.
"And?" Tara prompted.
"Anya answered and asked why I was calling," Willow explained, her
sobs lessening as she told her friends what happened. "She said Dawn
was fine, Buffy was fine, Spike was fine, she was angry and I was too
much of a bother to worry about and hung up."
"Damn!" Xander growled. "How the hell do I end up with self-centered
bitches?"
"You love abuse?" Willow smiled a small smile.
"Great sex?" Tara ventured.
"Yeah, I guess," he smiled back. "Don't mind her. I know Dawn and
Buffy want to know how you're doing."
"Well, you guys can call," Willow said in a somewhat sullen voice.
She snuggled closer to Tara.
Even though they had talked about feelings especially the guilt
causing ones, Willow had slowly accepted Tara's closeness and seemed
to rely on it. It hurt Xander to see how weak his friend was,
mentally, physically and emotionally and knew the others felt the
same. Cordelia had cornered both Tara and Xander and threatened them
with physical harm if they had any doubts about their feelings for
Willow. Cordy made it clear that she did not want them suddenly
diving out of Willow's life again and hurting her.
"They're arranging to move Willow to the hotel tomorrow," Tara said
with a smile. "An In-Home Care nurse will come by everyday for
several hours and help out until Will is on her feet again."
"Hey! That's great!" Xander grinned widely. "Angel said the
insurance company are being bastards but his lawyers have put them in
their place and you'll have a very nice, lightweight Quickie™
wheelchair. Neon green spokes and detailing to accent your beautiful
green eyes."
"Good God, Xander, you've gone crazy!" Willow laughed.
"Yup! It'll be good to have you at the new place," he grinned. "The
elevators are working so the chair will be no problem, not that
you'll be in one for long."
"We're living at Angel's hotel," Tara explained. Even though she had
spent an untold number of hours with Willow, especially since the
young woman had come out of her coma, they really hadn't talked about
serious stuff.
"I kinda figured that," Willow said softly. "Maybe I was trying to
reach there and couldn't make it."
"I hope you were reaching out for help, Will," Xander nodded.
"What happened? Cordy says you've both been here ever since they
found me," Willow asked finally, her voice and manner hesitant, as if
afraid of answers and further rejection.
"I was on Buffy's doorstep that very morning," Xander began
explaining. "I saw…uh, there was an article that Rack had been killed
and…and I wanted to let you know so you wouldn't worry about him
bugging you with the black magic stuff."
Tara's eyes widened, remembering their suspicions why Willow had fled
Sunnydale. It seemed like a life time ago to all of them and now
Xander was dancing around it, wondering how to bring up Rack's death
and not wanting Willow to know they had suspected her of killing the
sorcerer.
Tara felt Willow retreating almost physically and emotionally.
"I…it…" Willow stammered.
"Will?" Tara urged gently. "What happened?"
Xander glanced up and saw Angel and Wesley hesitating by the door.
Fortunately, Willow's roommate had checked out earlier that day and
they hadn't assigned a new patient to the room. The AIS gang had the
room to themselves.
Willow's head dropped and she wouldn't raise her eyes.
"I went to him that night," Willow said softly. "Come on in, Wesley,
Angel, I know you're there."
Angel jumped and Wesley looked confused. From her angle, Willow
shouldn't have been able to see them.
"How did you know?" Angel asked as they walked in, shutting the door
behind them.
"It's not all gone, the magick," she admitted, glancing up before
ducking her head again. "I could sense you, Angel, and I heard
Wesley's heartbeat."
"Oh God," Wesley muttered. "She's still powerful."
"Looks that way," Angel grumbled.
Tara and Xander looked confused and impatient.
"What is going on?" Xander demanded.
"Willow detoxed from the black magic but…it…a lot of the properties
remained in her system," Wesley tried to explain.
"She's just as powerful as she was before the breakdown," Angel added.
"If she wanted to, she could heal her body and walk out of here,"
Wesley commented.
"What would happen if she did?" Xander asked.
"She could slip right down the same path within days," Wesley
cautioned.
"Then we take it the natural route," Willow said firmly, raising her
head. "I'll let my body heal naturally then."
"It'll be tempting," Angel frowned. "A lot of pain and a very long
road before you feel decent again."
"I know but I can't go back to that," she said softly, a tear
escaping down her cheek.
"What happened with Rack?" Angel asked.
"I went to see him, I could feel him calling me," Willow said
thoughtfully. "I wanted to snap whatever hold he had on me. And I
wanted to know what happened that night with Dawn."
"You don't remember?" Wesley asked with a frown.
"No," Willow grumbled and pulled slightly out of Tara's arms. "I
remember coming out of it somewhat in the other room with Rack
grinning and leaving with Dawn. Everything was so damned fuzzy and
backwards. It was like someone describing an acid trip."
"What did you need to know?" Xander asked, also frowning. "You know
you guys summoned some kind of demon that chased you and Dawn around
the city."
Willow began blushing and dropped her eyes again.
"I…I think…" she stammered. "I can't!" she snapped and pulled out of
Tara's arms and curled up around her pillow, crying softly.
"Willow Rosenberg, we got into this mess because everyone kept their
feelings and secrets to themselves," Tara said firmly, wrapping her
arms around Willow's body. "I love you, no matter what happened."
"I think something happened with Rack," Willow whispered and began to
cry even harder.
Tara resisted pulling back from Willow in surprise and shock as
Xander sat down heavily in a chair. He started to say something but
a signal from Angel caused him to snap his jaw closed.
Angel walked around the bed and knelt down so he could look Willow in
the eyes.
"Willow, from what everyone has told me, you were out of your head
with the magic stuff," Angel said softly. "It was like being drugged."
"I know," she sniffled. "And I keep telling myself it was like
someone taking advantage at a frat party or something but I still
have to live with the fact it wasn't a party. I was with a major
sorcerer and I put myself there, willingly."
"Yes," Angel nodded, glad that Willow was accepting some of the
responsibility and not running but he was also determined she wasn't
going to take all the blame either. "And Rack does that with young
witches. I knew of him when I was Sunnydale."
"Will," Tara began, her voice soft. "It hurts but I'm not going to
let a `drunk magic' night come between us."
"I'm sorry, Tar!" Willow cried, turning over and clinging to her
lover.
Tara sighed and held the red-haired witch close as they both cried.
"Okay, you suspected something happened with the creep, why go back
for him to gloat about it?" Xander asked, finally unable to keep
quiet.
Willow couldn't answer for several moments and she still wouldn't
look at anyone.
"I thought…" she stuttered. "I sensed…I was…"
Angel's eyes widened and he sat back against the wall. Willow turned
and glanced at him, seeing realization in his eyes, she nodded and
broke into tears again.
"The anemia wasn't from losing blood because of nosebleeds, was it?"
he asked softly.
"No," Willow whispered.
"What? Someone explain!" Xander demanded.
"Willow was pregnant," Tara answered. "She lost the child and lost
too much blood."
Willow curled around her pillow as Tara tried to get her to unbend
her body and accept her touch but Willow kept crying and wouldn't
accept it.
"Willow, damnit! Don't you dare go back to that space!" Angel
snapped, sitting up.
"Willow, I love you, I still love you!" Tara said firmly. "This hurts
like hell, yeah, but I almost lost you! I'm not going through that
again!"
"What happened that night?" Angel asked, pulling Willow's hand out so
he could hold it and Tara could hold her lover from behind.
"I went to him and we went in the bedroom," Willow said, her eyes
closed. "We argued. He wanted me back in every kind of way…it…he
said it happened….I told him I wanted out and to leave me alone."
Angel squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her.
"Rack suddenly got rough and…tried…he tried to…." Willow's tears
started again. "He was so strong! I felt so weak!"
"Shhhh, it'll be okay, Will," Tara said gently. "I know what it's
like. It's not your fault."
"You…you know?" Willow's asked, her voice sounding small and fragile.
"Yeah, my older brother," Tara said calmly. "One reason they wanted
me back, to keep the family secrets."
Xander felt his face turning red with anger. One thing he could
never understand was how someone could hurt a woman sexually. Just
the thought of someone hurting either Tara or Willow made him sick
and then very mad.
"Go on, Willow," Angel encouraged.
"He laughed at me," she whispered. "Then he screamed and kept
screaming. He fell off of me and I saw Amy with a knife standing over
the bed. Her eyes were black and she had this blank look on her
face. She turned to me with the knife raised and I dived out the
window."
"That's why your jeans were bloody," Xander nodded.
"You found my clothes?" Willow asked, opening her eyes.
"Yeah, when I told Buffy about Rack's death, we went upstairs to tell
you and you had already split. I found your bloody jeans," Xander
explained. "We then called everyone to decide what to do. Dawn was
being a brat and was still pissed at you for that night. Buffy and
Anya said you'd crawl back after a week."
"That's when me and Xander left," Tara added. "We couldn't take not
knowing where you were. We both knew you were in trouble."
"You came looking for me?" Willow asked.
"Yeah, we lost you after two days on the bus," Xander said. "We went
back to Sunnydale. Anya was pissed at me for choosing my friendship
with you over her wishes and Buffy was hung up with Spike."
"I moved in with Xander while Anya moved in with Buffy so Social
Services would think there was a responsible adult around for Dawn,"
Tara explained.
"Then we got word from Angel that you had been found and we jammed
over here," Xander added.
"They've been devoted ever since," Wesley threw in. "We couldn't get
Tara to leave your side and the hospital gave up after the first day
and moved a bed next to yours."
Willow turned to look at her blushing girlfriend. "Really? It's not
just cause I wouldn't leave you after Glory, is it?"
"No, Will," Tara said softly, gently stroking Willow's cheek. "I'm
here because I love you."
"Xander works with us in the field and you and Tara could be
invaluable with computer research," Angel offered. "And the
magickal, when you're comfortable with working that again."
"No," Willow frowned. "No magic again."
"Willow," Angel said seriously. "It's part of you. It's neither good
nor bad; it's how you use it. You took the short cuts, now you go
back from the beginning and learn the hard way and the ethics."
"He's right, Will," Tara urged. "We'll take it slow and find some
other witches to work with."
"Just no `Power Women' altars, okay?" Willow teased, leaning her head
against Tara's shoulder.
"Or you could go back to Sunnydale," Angel mentioned. "The gang
there is in tatters and they could use all of you back."
The three former Scooby Gang members frowned and looked at each
other.
"They are short handed," Xander commented.
Willow shook her head after a moment. "Not yet, not for awhile."
"I agree," Tara nodded. "We need some space and time apart. If we go
back now they'll act like nothing has changed."
"Has it?" Angel asked with a smile, already knowing that three of the
Gang had changed beyond belief. They had each grown individually and
as friends and lovers. Willow still had a lot of emotional damage to
repair, he figured, but the three of them would be very different
adults than the scared kids that had left Sunnydale and the Slayer.
The three of them looked thoughtful again.
"Yeah," Xander finally nodded. "I can't go back to the way they
treated me at times. Especially Anya."
Angel smirked but kept quiet as Tara and Willow thought about it as
well.
"I've changed," Tara said softly.
"Yeah, you should have seen her fighting with the doctors and nurses
about being your Power of Attorney thingy," Xander grinned.
"No more stutter either," Willow said softly and Tara blushed shyly.
"You don't want to go back, Willow?" Angel asked.
"No, not until I've got the magic thing under control," she said
firmly. "What would I do in Sunnydale? I can go to school here just
as easily. I would end up being the house keeper, kinda like a wife
without the benefits of sleeping with Buffy."
"Oh, you are so in trouble for that thought!" Tara teased, holding
Willow tightly.
"Yeah?" Willow smirked back. "Tell me you never thought of her that
way, I know Xander has."
"Hey! Old stuff!" Xander protested as Angel began to blush, suddenly
hoping no one would bring up his own past with the Slayer.
"W-Well," Tara blushed and stammered.
Willow grinned and nuzzled Tara's neck.
"Looking's okay, no touching," she whispered.
Tara moaned as Willow's lips danced across her neck and teeth lightly
nibbled on an earlobe.
"Okay, that's hot enough for my fantasies for the night!" Xander
declared, jumping to his feet.
"Xander!" Willow blushed almost as red as her hair when everyone
laughed.
"Okay, then it's settled," Angel said, still smiling. "You move in
with us and you can even do the research stuff from bed or chair.
We'll have you up and running in no time."
"From demons, naturally," Willow grinned as everyone smiled or
laughed in agreement.
TBC
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