Good evening ladies and gentleman. I bring you here, now, with some disturbing news. Three Super Villains, calling themselves the TRIO have just struck the downtown city of Diamondopolis. It is reported that three jewelry stores were broken into and a bank was robbed. The villains made off with over ten million dollars in diamonds, five million in cash, and a UPW Intercontinental Championship belt allegedly worth over five hundred thousand dollars. Our only ethnic worker Trisha Takanowa is live on the scene. Trish?

Trisha Takanowa: Thanks George and may I saw, you are one egotistical jackass. We are live at the Diamondopolis Bank where police are searching for any clue that indicate where the TRIO is headed next. Standing with me is the police department's chief, Mr. Bigglesworth. What can you tell us off the TRIO?

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Well, there appears to be three of them. And uh...Well, there's three of them.

Trisha Takanowa: Yes, hence the name  the TRIO. 

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Yes. You're very smart. Are you Chinese?

Trisha gives a fake smile. She's not very happy. What kind of a name is Bigglesworth anyway?

Trisha Takanowa: No. Actually, I was born in America but my family comes from North Korea. 

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Is that near China or...what's that other Chinese country...Japan? Or was it Thailand?

She ignores that last question.

Trisha Takanowa: Um, let's get back to the story. Now, you say the TRIO consists of three members. 

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Yes, that is correct.

Trisha Takanowa: Does the police department have any background on the members of this ruthless..uh...trio? 

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: No we don't as a matter of fact. Before this incident, we had never even heard of them. They seem to have come out of nowhere.

Trisha Takanowa: We are getting reports that the TRIO consists of people that actually lived in this town.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: I never heard that. Where did you get that information?

Trisha Takanowa: Actually, we got it from your desk. The papers were sitting underneath a box of doughnuts.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Wh- Doughnuts? Oh yeah, I remember now. They included chocolate, glazed, chocolate glazed, strawberry frosting, sprinkled, plain, b-

Trisha Takanowa: Yeah, that's interesting. Here are the names of the members of the TRIO. Diamond Dallas Page, a former wrestler who got diamonds implanted into his teeth. His TRIO name is Captain Smiles. He was last seen trying out for Crest White Strips commercials but was rejected because his teeth were apparently too big and reminded them of Bugs Bunny.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Never heard of him.

Trisha Takanowa: We have photos of you two at last year's Governor's Ball. Anyway, the second member is Page's wife, Kimberly. Her TRIO name is Trixie Rox. She is your stereotypical damsel in distress in horror movies. She is the group member that trips at the right moments, garnering attention and distracting everyone from what really happened. Today at the bank, she faked a twisted ankle so that the remaining two members of the TRIO could disarm the video tapes and take over the bank. Beware, her looks could kill.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Is she really that ugly?

Is he really this stupid?

Trisha Takanowa: Our third and final member of the TRIO goes by the name of Christy Hemme. SHe was a late addition, after Trixie requested a pet gorilla. Christy was that gorilla. She is hairy, spunky, and scary. Her nicknames include Retarded Rag Doll and Ugly Bitch on Speed. 

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Oh man, I jack off to her.

Trisha Takanowa: It has also been rumored that she is a drag queen.

The idiot's eyes widen.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: God no. I don't wanna be gay! Gay men have sex with.....men.

Trisha Takanowa: Yes, gay men have sex with other gay men. If they didn't, they would not be gay you babbling idiot.

Deputy Chief Bigglesworth: Is that Chinese for "Make me your Sex Machine?"

Trisha Takanowa: Back to you in the studio.

Thank you Trish and I must say, you have rather nice boobies. Anyway, the TRIO is on the run. They are armed, dangerous, and extremely annoying. Do not approach them for they will drive you inside. We have a rare and exclusive picture for you all right now.

Chilling, isn't it? Anyway.....

SUPER FRIENDS HEADQUARTERS-Somewhere outside of Diamondopolis

Avast! The Super Friends are resting in their secret headquarters after a hard day's work.

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Man am I tired. I just went, like, three rounds.

Pamela Paulshock: Boxing?

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: No, sex.

Pamela Paulshock: Dude! You're like a friggen Fembot. What? Is your vagina battery operated? You're like the Energizer bunny.

Say! Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend has just arrived, right in the middle of conversation.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: What's this about Energizer bunnies? 

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Hi Devvie!

Pamela Paulshock: Hey Dev.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: Don't ever call me that again, Tiff.  

Tiffany gives him the finger. You go girl!

Pamela Paulshock: Did you guys just hear that?

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Hear what?

Pamela Paulshock: Some guy just now. Sounded like a total douche bag.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: Nope. Didn't hear a thing.

Pamela Paulshock: Oh. Well, me and Tiff were talking about how-

Suddenly, Lady Bunnies aka Alyssa Mulvahill comes running into the room.

Pamela Paulshock: There it goes again!

Everyone stares at her.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: Maybe you should get your head checked out.

Pamela Paulshock: Dude! I am not crazy!

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Maybe you should-

Lady Bunnies aka Alyssa Mulvahill: GUYS! Put the TV on Channel One!

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Why?

Lady Bunnies aka Alyssa Mulvahill: A terrible crime has just occured!

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: Gee whiz!

Everyone stares at him.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: I mean let's watch.

Our heroes find themselves sitting at the couch in front of a television set.

The TRIO is armed and dangerous. Beware. We do not know when they will strike next.

Pamela Paulshock: The TRIO? Sounds like those three nerds from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: They must be stopped!

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: How?

Lady Bunnies aka Alyssa Mulvahill: BUNNIES!

Pamela Paulshock: No. I have a better plan. Follow me.

Oh no. Pamela has a plan? What is it? And where are the Super Friends going? DUN DUN DUN.

The TRIO's Secret Spot-Somewhere else outside of Diamondopolis

Our three idiots-ahem, villains, find themselves in a secret lair. Captain Smiles is grinning widely, chewing on Trident whitening gum. 

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: My teeth are white and shiney thinks to Crest...the- the....

Captain Smiles begins to sob like a little bitch.

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: I hate myself.

Enter Christy Hemme again the Retarded Rag Doll on Speed.

Retarded Rag Doll on Speed aka Chrsity Hemme: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: That's nice. Where is Kim?

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: I'm right here. 

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: Well, what do we do now?

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: Here's a thought. Buy yourself a frickin' clue, jackass.

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: I don't know if that was a command or an insult.

Retarded Rag Doll on Speed aka Chrsity Hemme: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: Will someone shut that thing up?

Captain Smiles grabs a gun a shoots it. Unfortunately, Christy is not dead. She's just asleep. Damn those tranquilizers.

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: Anyway, I've been watching the news.

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: They talk about us? Yay! I feel special now.

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: *under breath* Why the hell did I marry this idiot. *out loud* The Super Friends are out to get us. Take a look. 

Trixie pulls a remote out of her vagina and turns on the big screen tv. Who knows what else has been in there, other than half the human population.

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: Shut up!

Captain Smiles aka Diamond Dallas Page: Who are you talking to?

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: The voice- never mind. Just watch.

The Super Friends appear on the screen. Look at that Tiffany. She is hott. Boy I'd like to take a ride on her express train any day.

Lady Bunnies aka Alyssa Mulvahill: TRIO! We've got a message for you.

Super Ho aka Tiffany Evans: Yeah.

Captain Marvel aka Devon Townsend: Prepare for trouble because the Super Friends are coming after you now.

Pamela Paulshock: Yeah. You idiots are about to know what it feels like to have the crap beaten outta you buy a comic book nerd, a psychotic bunny freak, a slut, and a bitch with a short temper. We are the Super Friends and we're here to stop jackasses like you from ruining this...town..city...metropolis. Whatever. Hey jackass, I'm talkin' to you DDP. Captain Smiles. How'd you like to meet my fist 'cause it sure as hell was to make contact that goofy lookin' grin ya always have on ya face. You wanna feel special? I'll make ya feel somethin' but it sure as hell ain't gonna be something positive. 

Tell it girlfriend!

Pamela Paulshock: Former wrestler. Yeah, a washed up has-been is what you are now. You think you were something special back in the day? You were runnin' around gettin' your ass kicked while that steroid popping idiot Scott Steiner was making kissy faces at your whore, Kim. Oh Kim, miss "I'm helpless!". Now you wanna act like you're all tough and independent? Ha. That's a damn lie. You were always dependent on someone whether it was that retard DDP or that red headed gorilla you're taggin' along with now. You got nothin'. You winning that IC title was just a lucky day. It was a fluke. Now you're gettin' all big in the head because you're champion. Ya act like you're god's gift to the world when in reality, you're just a secondary prototype. You wanna see the best? You're lookin' right at her. Tripping and actin' like the clueless slut that you are will not save you.

Preach on!

Pamela Paulshock: You see, I'm stronger than you. I'm better lookin' than you. Hell, I'm better than you and every other mindless twit in the back. Nobody can stop me. These past few weeks, that was nothing. That was me, here but not completely. Now that I'm back, I'm ready to take down dumb broads like you and once again because the top diva in this federation, where I belong. Unlike you, I worked to get where I am. I ain't just some former WCW protégé without a clue. Can we say that about you Kim? Huh? What'd you do to get where you are? Lay on your back, open your legs. You took the easy way out. Robbing banks, scaring little kiddie with that pet of yours, marrying a smiling jackass just to get a house. Independent woman? Bullshit.

Oooooooooooh.

Pamela Paulshock: And Christy the gorilla? Ha. Hey  TRIO, I hope you're sittin' comfortably there in ya crappy little lair with all the cliché elements of a wannabe super group. We're comin' after you and when we find you, you're gonna regret every word you've said and every dollar you've stolen. WHen we're done withyou, you'll be just a couple of babbling morons, suckin' on ya thumbs like an infant, wondering why the hell you were even born. The clock is ticking and it's only a mater of time before we find you. And Kim? Try not to suck any dick on the way out.

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: What?

Haven't you seen Clerks? That Kevin Smith movie with Jay and Silent Bob? She just called you a slut.

Trixie Rox aka Kim Page: Oh....that bitch.

Trixie Rox is upset. The Super Friends are hunting the Trio. Christy Hemme is knocked out. Captain Smiles is still sobbing like a bitch. What will happen next? TO BE CONTINUED.................