Never Been Kissed
Have I totally consumed your mind? My thoughts are all starting to be of you, of us. I wake up and feel like you should be there next to me, like it's something I truly know. I have this ache to wake up in your arms you making love to me. My heart feels so much, yet has so many questions. Now I want to see you, feel you, share things with you. See your hair all messy in the morning, experience your smile. I want to make you laugh I want to make you happy. I want to be with you at a party and watch you talk to people from across the room with the confidence of knowing how much I want to be with you alone. Wanting to escape and have you to myself, but yet be so proud as to have a wonderfully sweet and loving woman as you as mine. Walk over to you as you talk to your friends and whisper and walk away and resume my conversations with the other men there. As I walk away you put your hand in your pocket and feel something soft, you realize I’ve slipped on rose in there, I turn around and look at you over my shoulder and smile.
To the piece of my soul, I always knew there was someone out there that would understand and feel how a soul aches for its true love. The me inside of this body is full of love and compassion and honor and pride. I realized that a part of me is missing, through my journey into spirituality, I realized that I don’t have anyone to share the love I hold inside, I laugh, but don’t have someone who can laugh with me. I cry, but I must hide those feelings, because I have no one to cry with me. I long to be in the arms of my soulmate. Today I walked through Barnes and Noble, looking for a book to read that would fill my heart, I love to read stories of hope and love, it allows me to put myself there with them so I can feel it also. Be still my foolish heart, for those are only words you read. Years of looking for you, yearning to feel the warmth of your smile, the comfort of your touch. With you, I never fear the night. You has seen me everyday, but you wont look at me, you has painted a picture that doesn't look anything like me, therefore, you cannot see my soul. You know me, yet you won’t open your heart to find me. Close your eyes and listen to my soul speak to you, and then you will know it is me that you have been looking for. Has she married, to only still feel the emptiness in her soul without me? Has she done things in her life, only to realize it was not her destiny? It is she who has taken many wrong paths, but it is the soul that keeps on searching to feel the love and to share the love.
I have brought you into my world, which it is clearly visionary and I bared you with my healing caress and comforts. My world, which where you’re my hunger for complication is exist and where the true nakedness to my searching for the knowledge of the other soul. My word, which it became mine as I felt your thoughts, your mind and soul and your core with the strength for all that of your passion. I hope you become very attracted to my soul and growing of this willingness to learn my pure love and understanding who I am. Is this where we harmonized with our soul and become "one" in our journey? The achievement from love, Eros, where the sex that unify us for harmonious? "To invite love you must surrender" So would you surrender yourself to me as I surrender to you? When our time arrive? Are we on the "right time" to find each other? I am not afraid to show my vulnerable side to you. To meeting you and feel your soul and your longing. I fear the fear of my expression and bareness in this very moment and can help to thinking do you also feel this connectness through my writing.
I have been single most of my life because I have never found that “certain connection” and to me, anything else is just not worth it. I want that connection more than anything does, a connection of souls does. Most people don't seem to understand what I want and I just can’t explain it to them. To me, physical appearance is only secondary; the truth is in the eyes, the window to your soul. Waiting for your soulmate is VERY lonely and more often than not, I do begin to wonder and question myself, just as my friends and family has. I have begun to doubt if soul searching is true, but I just can’t give up knowing that someday, I can prove my heart was right all along. Every breath I take I feel my heart grow a little colder. I am colder. I have grown to believe I'll be lonely for a very long time. Everyday I wish for a love. A love that invades my dreams (of both night and day) and then I’ll sigh. What I am trying to say is that I miss that feeling of being loved and crave it with my entire heart body, mind and soul. I can’t stop believing that you are out there, my true love, my soulmate. I know that in this world, there is one person who will love me for me and not what I have to offer.
The only thing that is important to me is to find unconditional love, a love that will last forever. This love is not found in cars or in money or the success I have achieved. I just want to share my life with someone. I miss long walks on the beach at sun down, soft kisses and whispers of “ I love you.” I miss lying in bed at night hearing the rhythm of a heart that I love a heart that I can cherish always and forever. I am looking for the one person that I cannot live without, the one that I would die for. I want someone that I can love and take care of, nurture and grow with, cry and laugh with, talk about anything with and know that above all they will stand by my side and grow old with me. Our love will never grow old, as I want to love you more and more each day for eternity.
We are fated to meet. It is our destiny. I can only hope that the naked truth is enough to whet your appetite and encourage you to risk your heart with me. For in the words of Janos Arnay, "In dreams as in Love…there are no impossibilities". I will show you my inner most self, the things most are afraid to talk about and lie to themselves and others about. I have painted it on the canvas of God's masterpiece for all to see. Those who accept me, those who don't, those who will judge me, those who want to use me, those who are afraid of me, those who want to love me. Each line plays the melody of my soul's true rhythm. I guess I know where my heart is. I often think about you and know you love me, remember, it did not matter this or that, that I know you love me. You are as special as I. Yet part of me has been wanting your validation and knowing of the soul. My ego tells me other things, but I ask God's truth and my thoughts keep coming back to you, with many questions and yes unknowing too. We do feel each others spirit's, for every night I ask God's permission and the permission of my true partners' spirit to communicate with me and I with her. I know that my conscious does not always tell me as maybe it is not time yet for the conscious knowing. But I know my spirit is where Love is. If you can understand this
I keep writing to you in hope that somehow fate will drew me to you. And fate will play its coarse. Will I get to met you I’m not really sure. But for now I will keep writing until I prove I believe I am the one you are looking for. I've become a hermit. I’ ll sit at the coffee shop in Lincoln Center drinking my chocolate cappuccino, hoping that she will walk in and see me sitting there. So far I think either she never came in or she passed me by. I envision her coming over and putting her hand on mine and just a simple hello. That’s it, the sparks fly when our eyes meet. My hands all sweaty my heart racing. I will just know its her. I love to go down to listen to the folk singers they sing a lot of romantic stuff. I love to go to Central Park and Riverside Park I used to go there on my sleepless nights and go watch the sun come up on the water. There wasn’t a soul around. Just me and the ducks and the quietness of morning light. I swore I could almost hear the sun move threw the sky. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Nature is so content on a clear day. Ever hear the wind blow and swear you hear someone calling your name? I know she reaches for me. I can feel her.
I have done my share of hurting and disappointing others. No one is perfect. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well I never knew how strong I was until a few years ago. I've learned to love myself. I've learned I am not ever going to be a GQ body. I've learned to take more risks, not to be afraid of making mistakes, I've learned to say thank you when a woman tells me I am handsome instead of turning around to see if she was talking to a man behind me; 0). Little my "inner radar" (as I like to call it) was so fine-tuned that I could tell right away if I was going to see a person for a one date. I can't see me in their eyes. The games . I just cannot tolerate anymore. I'd rather stay home and read, draw, listen to music, hop on the computer, than waste my precious time with another self-centered, egotistical, game playing person. You will not travel alone my soulmate if you are reading this. For you will always have me with you- your masculine half, the part that was severed so long ago. Just writing these words brings fullness to my heart, one that I have never felt before. For I know that my energy is part of yours and together we are as one It started looking rather impossible to ever find the "one", yet I still find myself holding on to the hopes that one day my life will lead me to her, the woman I am meant to love until I take my last breath.
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Calvin Klein.