-Jerry Maguire
© Copyright 2002
THE SITE IS 200 PAGES LONG...THERE ARE MANY LINKS IN THE BOTTOM. HAVE YOUR SPEAKER ON. THERE ARE SOUND BIT OF THE MOVIE QUOTES.
All journeys of a thousand miles begin with the first step. Your first step begins now. Before you read these lengthy journal please understand I have a reason for their creation. What I am trying to achieve for both of us to cease being strangers to each other. After all, nobody trusts a stranger. How could we ever become lovers until we stop being strangers? We can't stop being strangers until we learn to trust each other. I feel we can only learn to trust each other by opening up. I invite you now to my soul.
What if what you are looking for may be one phone call away, one contact away, one smile away, and one touch away. If all else fails maybe I have gotten a little bit closer to my dreams. In their search for true love in this vast universe, two people paths crossed, and the story unfolds. Somewhere, as you read, your soul will recognize mine. It may happen in the first sentence or last, stop for a moment and realize that for a moment in time we have become one in thought. A trigger of bliss will engulf you. You will know that what I am saying is true because you known it somewhere in your heart a long time ago a truth that has been buried for such a long time and is finally awaken. Let someone in, so you can feel what’s inside their heart, let them write to you about their soul and desire and feel the energy behind the word.
Did you stumble on me by accident? No, everything happens for a reason, fate takes hold and leads us in the right direction. It led you to me. I want to share myself with you. Yes I have been hurt. I am sure you’re past disappointments and hurt as well and still do. We will erase the pain for each other. Then I have my fears. Will I be what you want? What you need? What you've dreamed of? In your eyes will I be perfect? Will you think me the most beautiful man you've ever seen? Will you love my body? Strangely, I hope you feel a connection toward me when we haven't really spoken to one another yet. Will you be willing to make the drive to the city from wherever you are? Would you make the drive one hundred times if you knew this was what you wanted? Or will you fool yourself into being the woman who is in love with the "beautiful stranger?” I can't wait for the day when I'm on my way to meet you. I long for that excitement. I can't wait until I get my first glimpse of the real you, and hug you for the first of many times in your life. Everyday I wish for you as I have so much to tell you.
The truth is we all want to be embraced by love, forever, to heal our wounds and so it would seem nearly impossible to find you. A needle in a haystack. What if that needle had a certain shape and a certain voice and a certain ache that beckoned you to embrace it? I feel it in my heart now and I know that it is you, the needle is so large so beautiful that the haystack now seems so minute. I hope that they will touch you in a way unmistakably so with my writing, and that you will not question again what you have been feeling all along but, simply start embracing the love that was given to you by God. Life is so incredibly short, lest I need to remind you. That the moments we are spending apart are quickly ticking away, never to be recaptured. We all have our trials that we have had to overcome. There is no cure for the pain of human suffering. This has been a quest throughout the sages to find the remedy, the answer to the most sought after questions of loneliness and suffering. We have been fortunate enough to look in the mirror and see a mirror image of ourselves in each other it is most overwhelming. I admit and that is the most humble me speaking, I have longed for you and ached for you and continues to wonder, question and ponder but what if what we feel is really happening? Every day I feel the aching of your heart. There is a large part of me that wants to send for you immediately but it is a process and requires time and patience. We are both adjusting to the fact that this really could be it. Do you feel this way? Or am I just imagining it to be so? I can imagine that there are millions of men wanting to embrace you tenderly but, the world is filled with impostors and there is only one me. It is time, my love that we acknowledge each other and hold each other lovingly forever. From this distance we must embrace our souls essence and our higher calling. If we just listen quietly to our hearts we will soon feel them beating together. If it is meant to be all we have to do is love each other and our consummation will soon come together. . Do you believe in me? In us? Shall we not join hands now my love to turn you and me into us and 'we"
My entire life I’ve longed and wished for the woman of my dreams to walk into my life and give me the gift of loving them. In my bitterness and my surrendering to the job, however I forgot that this part of me existed. I've pushed dating away for a long time, which has caused me to be hurt by my friends, and relatives who have questioned my single lifestyle. I guess my largest fear is to bring another person into the equation because this leaves so much room for vulnerability and pain. I have realized that I can't live in the past or listen to what other people say. I have always wondered where my soulmate is, where in the world could you be? Did I miss you by a century or are you standing right in front of me?
I want to begin by explaining to you what made me start this journal. This Story begins a few years ago. I went on a date with a woman and had a "good" time. We had a late lunch, saw a movie and stumbled on a jazz club. While at the club, however I found myself thinking how could this be a "great" time with someone else? I looked at other couples and thought to myself, “why can't that be me?” I would turn to look at this woman, silently thinking that she just hadn’t figured it out yet. Honestly, I did judge a book by its cover, I thought because she was beautiful and a career woman she would realize what is important. I was disappointed to find that she really only cared about money, shopping and what her next career move would be. “More power to her,” I thought, “but that is not for me.” The next morning, we went to breakfast. She proceeded to read the paper and totally ignore me; I couldn’t even see her. At first I thought, “What a bitch, how rude!” but then I found myself grinning and trying to keep from laughing hysterically as I was thinking, “this is OK! I really have nothing to say to you anyway.” I am sure the people beside us probably thought I had a screw loose!
Knowing the date was over; I hopped in my car and hit toward home. Suddenly, I felt tears on my face when I realized the whole weekend was completely disheartening. This date made me think, “Is this it?” This disappointment reminded me of the side of myself that I've been trying to bury and hadn’t realized what lousy job I had done of it. The side of myself that is empty, the deep longing in my heart to love and to be loved. This deep longing and passion is the desire in my heart that has made me who I am and is what inspires and moves me. It is the desire to have someone as your friend, lover and partner. Someone to walk through uncertain times together, to fill your loneliness, comfort you in pain, and give you the most wonderful gift of all...the gift of another human being to love and to care for. The desire to want to become a better person just because you love them. This is what keeps me alive and breathing each and every day, the hopes of finding this person, the person that I could call my soulmate.
I had a Jerry Maguire night after the date in that Jazz club. It was not a breakdown, it was a breakthrough. Love is not suppose to easy, it never is. Every relationship has problem. Every relationship I have ever been had problem. No relationship is without issues. I looked deep into my soul to find answer to why my life is the way it is now. I wanted to see my part, my mistakes that I conspired against myself in finding that love I so wanted. As I look at people I know, and look at their relationship I find some are cheating, other just lost the sparkle in their relationship. Then there was other who had the relationship. Why has God not chosen me to be happy in my love life? Was I undeserving? Am I defective? Why do I keep repeating a pattern of picking the same type of people to enter my life even when I tell myself I swore I would never date anyone like that again? What’s was wrong with these women?” I ask myself. The really problem was I. I want love, yet subconsciously I sabotage it. I started this search with an idea that I am ready to face the rest of my life alone. It’s OK to be alone. I really am happy in my life right now. I have learned to be comfortable under my skin. I go to the opera, theater, bookstore and dinner with my friend and family. My soulmate will be an addition to this happiness. I will face this fear of being alone and not worry about it so much. I won’t let pressure from family or anyone, including myself to move me into a relationship I know will not last. A relationship can complement and not complete my happiness.
continue to the next link
**everyone has the right to want what they want.
1-SINGLE
2-SLIM IS IDEAL (I AM SLIM)
3-WHITE (I AM OPEN ON THIS)
4-PROFESSIONAL OR GOING FOR HIGHER EDUCATION
5-CLOSE TO HER FAMILY
6-LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY AREA OR LONG ISLAND (A MUST)
7-DON'T DRINK
8-DON'T SMOKE
9-DON'T TAKE DRUGS
10-WANT TO GET MARRIED
11-WILLING TO SUPPLY HOME NUMBER (A MUST)
