The Osage had two forms of recognized marriages. These were called Me-shiⁿ, or the Unmarried, and O-me-ho, or Married Before. There was a third type of Marriage called Ka sho le me gro ka, or To Enter A Marriage Recklessly, but this type was not a recognized form of marriage.
     Because of marriages involving more than one wife and a male dominance, lineages were always traced through the male line. To avoid close intermarriages, the man and woman must be from different divisions than their own or that of their parents.
     A lot has been written about the parents and especially the maternal uncle selecting a bride for the young man. This makes it sound as though the young person's wishes were not asked for or considered. In some cases, this may have been true, however, in the majority of marriages the preference of the young man and woman were the most important consideration.
     While size was not a factor in all families, in some it was an important marriage factor. A family who prized tallness would rarely let a son or daughter marry a short mate. Tallness in parents and offspring was always judged a good atribute. It was not without reason that the Osages were dubbed "giants of the prairies."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me-shiⁿ

     The parents of the young man made the first overtures toward marriage. Custom forbade a leading suugestion from a young woman's family. When a suitable young lady had been found who was agreeable to the young man's family, four Ne ka To ho, or Good Men were called.
     (These were, themselves, special men. In order to be considered
Ne ka To ho, at least three generations of the man's family, his parents, himself, and his children, must all have lived according to tribal custom.)
     These four Good Men were paid for their services in arranging the details of the marriage. Gifts between the two families were exchanged. It was the duty of the Ne ka To ho to carefully evaluate the gifts to be sure that none of the relatives on either side would be offended. After the gift exchange problems were settled, the prospective bride's family asked the Good Men to notify the prospective groom's family that the marriage would be considered. At any time before this, either side could in good grace refuse the marriage.
     Approval of the maternal uncles of the young man and young woman was sought at this time. This was the uncle that had been the mentor and advisor as they were growing up. If the uncle agreed to the marriage, the girl's parents then sent a messenger to the boy's parents notifying them of their consent and a time for the gift giving.
     At the time given, the groom's parents led their relatives to the bride's lodge. When all of the gifts had been given to her relatives, the boy's family went home. The following day the bride was escorted to the home of the groom. Sometimes she would be escorted by her uncle, but most often this was done by the head of her clan. This "delivery of the bride" was, in effect, a way of saying, "We give to you our daughter." The bride then distributed her gifts to the groom's family.
     On the next day, the bride and groom led a parade of the groom's relatives to the home of the bride's parents. This completed the marriage because the groom's parents delivering their son to the bride's parents were in return saying, "We give to you our son."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

O me ho

     Freely translated, O me ho means "Those who have married before." The O me ho was for widows, widowers, and divorced persons.
     Arrangements and required forms of conduct were much less complicated and strict in an O me ho marriage. A man who wished to marry a widow or divorcee sent a messenger to her with his proposal and a gift. If her parents and uncle were dead, she sent the messenger to her nearest living relative. If the relatives approve, the messenger was sent back to the man to inform him of their approval. The messenger would then escort the man to the woman's lodge and the groom seated himself by the bride. By sitting side by side in this manner they were married.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ka shoⁿ le Me gro ka

     Again, freely translated, this means "Those who have married recklessly." Lierature and history give us many examples of lovers defying the taboos and physical barriers. While the Osage did not condone "common law" marriages, they recognized that young lovers would sometimes become "reckless." If parents discovered their children living in such a manner, the boy was immediately sent to the girl's parents lodge with gifts and they were considered married by Me shiⁿ.
     However, if their was a child in evidence or for some reason they did not marry by tribal custom, a terrible penalty fell upon the couple. First, the Honored title of Good Man could never be acquired by the man. Thus he could never become a "Little Old Man." Even worse, the children of such a union, could never recieve a clan name and therefore, were not considered to be a person. This means that although they were of Osage Blood, they were not members of the Tribe. This living in a "natural state" was thought to be the act of animals. Humans who lived this way were considered to be animals, not persons, and their children were treated as the young of beasts.
     With the coming of the I'shta he, or White Man, came another problem. Inter-marriages between the Osage and Whites were normally considered to be Ka shoⁿ le Me gro ka unless the white man or woman was married by tribal custom in which case the marriage would be considered Me shiⁿ or O me ho.

Return to Table of Contents

NEXT