You Know You Are An XFiles Addict When...
A COMPILATION OF TRUE LIFE EXPERIENCES BY THE OVER-30-PHILES

Edited by DaleRiley@aol.com

You know you are an X-Files Addict when . . .

. . . Sesame Street has an episode "Brought to you by the letter X" and your child shouts out "X is For X-Files!!"

. . . you find yourself asking perfect strangers if they watch the X-Files so you can talk about Our Heroes to someone

. . . your friends come over and see all your X-Files tapes and action figures, posed on the computer monitor in the shipper pose of the day, and they ask you why you like the X-Files because they just could never get into it. Then you spend 2 hours explaining to your friends that the reason they don't like the show is because they saw the Shiban episodes first. Using the proper X-Files lingo, you explain the mytharc and how it isn't related to a MOTW, along with your view on the ship and CC plans for the future. They look at you and say, "Well I have heard that philes are an obsessed and focused bunch and if any of them or just half has focused as you, no wonder the show is still on. . ."

. . .The family gets a new kitten and THEY suggest we name it "Scully" and all you have to do is nod and agree with what a brilliant choice of moniker that is for the new addition to the family

. . . when you look up in the sky and notice that the planes have left an *X* in the sky with their white trail that comes off the wings

. . . when, no matter what, you always manage to look at the clock at 10:13 or 11:21

. . . your 5 year old walks slowly through a darkened room with a flashlight and claims he is "playing Mulder"

. . .you're in an argument with your husband, and you say to yourself over and over, "Scully wouldn't cry, Scully wouldn't cry..."

. . . you find yourself bored in a law library while waiting for a decision regarding your child support, and you look up "Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate." Then you realize that these words define exactly what your ex is trying to do to you

. . .you get the Sunday paper and the first thing you check -- before the news, sales ads, or comics -- is the TV Guide so you can see which episodes of X-files are playing on FX this week....(Hmmm, is it a good week or a bad week?)

. . . your twenty-one month old boy is able to do an interpretive dance to the X-files theme

. . . you and your spouse dress up as Mulder and Scully for Halloween

. . .your 5 year old hears the X-Files theme music and pops his head up and says "You watching the X-Files? You know, Mommy, I'm not allowed to watch that."

. . . you're sitting in a movie theatre watching "Fight the Future" and the fire emergency lights go off, accompanied by instructions to quickly leave the theatre via the nearest exit, and you think it's actually part of the movie. You refuse to leave, thinking it's a part of some vast FEMA conspiracy, even though the movie patrons going to see "Mulan" have been evacuated too. Then when you finally DO leave the theatre, you find corn husks on your car, even though there isn't a corn field within a 10 mile radius

. . . you wonder why you have "M & S" penciled in your appointment book, and then realize that two of your children's names also begin with M & S

. . . a friend confides that she's considering getting "implants" you think of her neck, rather than her chest

. . . three of your four children give you X-Files dolls for Christmas and the other one gives you a book on UFO's

. . . you start drinking iced tea and you've never particularly cared for it before

. . . your whole family is quick to note whenever it's 10:13 or 11:21

. . . while serving supper, you say "I made this!"

. . . watching any other show on TV, you play "spot the X-Files guest actor" game compulsively

. . . you watch a new X-Files episode by routinely closing the curtains, ignoring knocks at the door and putting a "Go away, I'm watching the X-Files" message on your answering machine

. . . a co-worker casually asks if you watch the X-Files, and you have to restrain yourself from hugging him in joy

. . . you ask your kid how she wants her grilled cheese sandwich cooked and she says "Burn it!!"

. . . you find ways to include the phrase, "excuse me for my rambling diatribe but.........

. . .You're watching a NASCAR race and one of the drivers is named Skinner and you wonder if he's related to Walter.

. . . your 13 year old pales in horror when you suggest that her and her friends use the computer because she cannot bear the ignominy of her buddies knowing that her Mother uses the Rolling Stone picture as wallpaper and a sound set up full of X-Files wavs

. . . your child suggests an impromptu X-Files marathon complete with popcorn in order to get out of doing homework and you think it is a really good idea - After all, what good did homework ever do anyone?