Mother
Dearest
by Izzy
Chapter 1
I had been getting weird phone calls, but I didn't really think about it too much. It was just something that happened every once and awhile. Not really a big deal, because stuff like that just happens sometimes. And I didn't mention it to anybody, because lately I had been doing 'well'. That is, not worrying about stupid crap, as AJ called it.
They had made me see somebody, after it all was over. That meant that every week I got to sit in a room wallpapered in pastels, in front of a balding man who smoked a pipe and listened to my problems. I didn't even get a special couch. Just a chair. It was nice and all, it just didn't seem authentic. I told Brian that but he said I had seen too many movies.
The whole thing didn't really thrill me, but I cooperated well enough. I figured that would get the whole thing with the pipe-smoker over with quicker, and to be honest I really did want some help.
Nights were always the same. It had been months since the whole ordeal had gone down, and by now drifting off to sleep wasn't too much of a problem. The problem was waking up in cold sweats about halfway through the night and still having a good four or five hours until the sun came up. It was then that paranoia took over and made me unable to even shut my eyes, never mind sleep.
I mentioned this to no one, as I was doing so 'well'. My only worry was for when we got back on tour and I wouldn't be alone through the night. Then I wouldn't be able to hide it, so I was kind of hoping my mind would right itself in time.
Until then, I tried to sleep during the day, but that didn't help too much either.
It was another one AM-er, and I laid there stiffly in bed, trying to breathe easily. I felt like a little kid who was afraid of the boogie monster being under the bed. I really did feel like there was something waiting under there. Someone.
I had even kept the lights on.
"Marco," I whispered.
No, Marco wasn’t a foreign lover or anything, he was a dog. He was a mix, somewhere between a mastiff and something else. Big too, and he could look mean when he wanted. I was proud of him for that. Lately he had been sharing my bed, although I think he benefited more from that than I did.
"Car," I offered softly, and I heard the distinct sound of his tail thumping against the bed. He knew what it was, we had been doing it every night for a week. Driving around senselessly until I was tired enough to fall asleep behind the wheel. Then I would head home and try to sleep. It hadn’t been working, but it gave me something to do.
That night was different. I felt something even when I first pulled out of my neighborhood.
I was being followed.
The car had no headlights on or anything, and it stayed a good distance back, but I knew it was there. I tested it, taking random turns and stops.
It never lost me.
At that point I felt the cold sweats coming back, and a distinct quickening of my heart. I told myself it was just paranoia, that there wasn't a car behind me. But I wasn't just imagining it. I knew it was there.
I went through a red light and got honked at, barked at, and a little more nauseous, but I convinced myself I had lost it. The car. I couldn't see it anymore.
My hands were shaking a bit; I held one up and saw it tremble. I didn't want to go back to my place, because the car probably knew where that was. So I went where I went when I couldn't be alone anymore.
I had to knock a long time before Brian answered the door. I alternated between that and ringing the bell, and after several minutes of glancing behind me, I finally heard the sound of the lock being undone.
"Nick?"
"You took awhile."
Brian squinted at me through tired eyes, looking past me for a second as if I was there with a whole posse. His blue eyes came back to me finally. "I was sleeping, man. What are you doing?"
"Visiting," I whispered, and I had gotten enough of standing there outside so I pushed myself past him and through the door. Marco followed suit, and Brian was giving him a funny look.
"Nick."
I was pushing his big front door shut and locking it up again with my shaky hands. There was a security panel next to it, and I studied it for a second. "Is this activated?"
"Nick?"
I turned around, and Brian was still looking at the dog so I figured that was his question. "That's Marco," I said absently, turning back to the panel of buttons. Mine wasn't like it. "He's good."
"Don't touch it, it's activated." Brian finally pulled at my arm, away from the buttons.
"Okay."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Why, do you not have visiting hours now?"
He gave me a look.
"I missed you," I said.
"Did something happen?"
I shrugged, making my way more into his house. I pointed to a table. "New?"
He shook his head, rubbing his messy hair with his fingers. "You alright?"
"Yeah," I lied.
"Then I'm gonna go back to bed."
"Man..." I stopped, looking around. I didn't know where my dog was. He disappeared. "I ... I just wanna go to sleep."
His own sleep-filled eyes studied me, and I guess he was wondering why I didn't just do that. I felt kind of bad for waking him. "Nick--" He cut himself off.
"Sorry ... You can go back to bed. Can I stay here?"
He was nodding slowly, I don't think his mind had fully woken up yet. "Yeah, man ... You want company?"
I shook my head.
"You sure."
"Yeah, sleep. Sleep while you can."
He was frowning.
"Go. Sleep. Really." I wondered if there was any way the car could have followed me here. I wondered who was in the car. I wondered if there really was a car.
"Something's bugging you."
"I'm okay."
"You gonna sleep?"
"Later ..."
He gave up after a couple minutes and I spent some time with his TV. Nothing was on, I just kept flipping. I kept thinking about that car, and how I needed someone to tell me I was just crazy. I would have rather been crazy than to have someone following me. I wondered if prisons were very secure.
Forget TV.
I went to Brian's room and sat down heavily on the edge of his bed. "I was followed," I said loudly, reaching for the light on the night table and turning it on.
He cursed as his eyes met the light. "What?"
"I was driving around because I couldn't sleep and there was this car that followed me. Even from my neighborhood. Anywhere I went. Everywhere."
Brian stared at me.
"It didn't have any lights on either, Bri, and --"
"Don't do this." Brian was shaking his head. "Please don't start doing this to yourself."
"I saw it," I whispered. "It's not just a feeling. What if something happened and he's back." My stomach churned as I said it. I could never get that thought out of my mind.
"Nicky, you were doing so good."
There went that damn line. Even Brian was saying it.
"I saw it," I repeated.
"Sh ... Just sleep for now. We'll call in the morning and make sure everything's okay. Yeah?"
I let out a sigh.
"Okay? You can sleep in here if you want."
"I can't sleep ..."
"Nick, it's fine. You know it's fine."
"Brian ..." I felt defeated.
"Maybe someone got lost in your neighborhood and just needed to find their way out, so they followed you."
"Mm-hm, and their headlights weren't working and then they decided to follow me some more for a half an hour joyride."
Brian leaned back against his pillow. "I don't know what to tell you, man."
"Yeah ... Me neither." I started to get up from the bed, reaching for the light at the same time. It was dark then. Almost completely.
"You wanna stay in here?"
I shook my head. That was okay. I wasn't going to sleep anyway. "No."
"Nick, hey." Somehow, even though the lights were off, Brian sounded more awake than he had when they were on. I stopped in the doorway. "How long have you been having trouble sleeping?"
I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. "Just tonight."
He paused, and I knew he didn't believe me anyway. "You know ... sometimes when people don't get a lot of sleep ... you start to see things."
"I didn't hallucinate. I saw it." I wished that I had imagined it. But I hadn't. I knew I hadn't.
"Alright ... tomorrow then. Night, buddy."
I left the door. "Night."
-
Chapter 2
Brian was a pal and called in the morning to 'make sure everything was still alright'. He was told that nothing had changed, nothing had been compromised. No one had broken out of jail. Nothing.
"You're all good. See?"
Brian had proven himself right by the time he hung up the phone and as for me, I had moved on to other things in my mind. Something was up. I just didn't know what.
"You're just paranoid," was his explanation.
Coming from him, it didn't make me mad. I was, in a sense, paranoid. I guess. But that wasn't it. "I'm not," I said, standing by the back door of the kitchen. It overlooked his backyard. Marco was out there somewhere.
"So you're definite that the person was following you."
I turned my head enough to give him a confused look.
"That the person was waiting for you in particular."
"Yeah."
"Maybe it was a fan." Brian raised his eyebrows. "Maybe a fan is stalking you."
I shook my head and flavored my next words with sarcasm. "Maybe, Brian. That must be it. A fan is stalking me."
"Maybe--," Brian looked at me pointedly here, "--maybe there wasn't a car."
I knew it.
"Thanks, man. Of all people I don't need that coming from you."
"Nicky, you know I'm behind you all the way. I'm just saying."
I waited for him to finish but he didn't. "Saying what?"
He shrugged.
Marco was back so I opened the door to let him in. Brian pointed at him.
"He came into my bed last night."
"Did he?" I watched as the dog slopped at the plastic tupperware container I had used as a makeshift water bowl.
"Yes." Brian didn't seem so happy about it, but I just shrugged, hiding my smile.
"He's used to beds."
Marco accidentally flipped over the plastic container in his overenthused slopping, and Brian shook his head as the water flowed over his tiled floor.
"Well I can tell he's your dog."
I knew that wasn't a compliment, so I didn't answer. I didn't make a move to clean up the water either.
"You hungry?" Brian had started to make himself a bagel as soon as he had hung up the phone, and he was almost done with it now. The sight of the food made me less hungry than I had been to begin with.
The phone rang as I was shaking my head at the offer, and I reached for it only because Brian had gone to get something else out of his refrigerator.
"Hello."
"Hi," a voice said back, but I couldn't identify it as male or female.
"Yes?" I glanced at Brian but he was too busy spreading something on his bagel. He wasn’t paying any attention.
There was a click and then dial tone.
I hung up slowly. Him too. "They hung up."
"Probably a telemarketer."
"No ... That wasn't a telemarketer."
Brian looked at me then. "Don’t tell me."
I reached down as Marco bumped into me, rubbing his head as I gave Brian a look. "I’ve been getting so many weird phone calls, man, and-"
"And they’re out to get you, I know. I know. I understand."
"You don’t know. You’re making fun of me."
"I’m not making fun of you."
"What the hell do you call it then."
"It’s a hang-up. I get hang-ups. Not a big deal."
"I get one every day. Every day." I stressed the syllables. The knot in my stomach was disappearing in my anger toward him not believing me. "They say stuff too."
"Like?"
"Like ... like ‘Hi’ and shit like that."
Brian was nodding. "That sounds pretty bad."
"Brian."
"I’m sorry, it’s just ..."
"I know, I’m paranoid."
Brian shook his head, ignoring that. "You never mentioned this before, you know. Now suddenly you start saying stuff is going on."
I didn't answer.
"You watch a scary movie or something?"
I left him.
I felt a little hurt, the fact that he didn't believe me. I didn't blame him really, I probably wouldn't believe me either, but it really did hurt. The only problem with me just walking out of his house was that when I went and opened his front door to leave, I saw the car.
Sitting there, clear as day, in the street. Not directly in front of his house, but it was there.
I slammed the door shut as quickly as I had opened it, sucking in a quick breath. I almost caught Marco's head in the door.
"Brian!" I peeked through the narrow window next to the door as I shouted for him. It was right there. I couldn't see through its front windows, so they had to be tinted. "Brian!"
He bumped me from behind. "What."
I spun around. "L-look, okay? It's right there. Right. There."
"What?"
I was pushing him to the window. "Sh ... the car. It followed me here."
He was looking through, and then he turned around slowly. My grip was still on his arm.
"See ..." I hissed the word.
"Nick-"
"See?"
"No." Brian looked at me straight. "I don't see anything."
I loosened my grip, releasing his arm. I slipped past him to take another look, and the street was empty. Not a soul there. "You saw it pull away .... Right?"
Brian was shaking his head.
"It was there."
"Man, you need sleep. Badly."
I suddenly felt defeated. "Brian."
"Today's Wednesday," Brian was saying. "Don't you see that guy on Wednesdays?"
"I don't need a shrink, man."
"Don't you see him today?"
"Frick--"
"Tell him. Okay? He'll know what to do."
"I want you to know what to do. You don't even believe me."
"I do."
"No. You don't." I reached for the door again, pulling it open without even looking outside. "I'll see you at practice."
Brian caught my shirt. "I do believe you, man."
"Thanks." I knew he didn't. He thought I was crazy.
Marco had already slipped past me out the door, but Brian wasn't letting me go. "You can stay if you want."
"It's fine." I was already out the door when he finally let me go.
-
I didn't go to my appointment with Dr. Harris the shrink that day. Brian's mentioning of it might have had something to do with that, but I had other reasons. Besides, I really didn't feel like being nodded at that day. And I didn't feel like talking at all.
I left Marco at my place, inspecting it carefully before I left again. Making sure everything was in the same place I had left it. Making sure all the windows were shut and locked. I activated the security system before I headed out.
I had two hours to kill before I had to meet the guys in the studio. I hadn't slept too much so I really didn't want to drive the whole time. I didn't want to stay home. I really didn't want to go anywhere.
I wound up just going to the studio early and catching some sleep on a couch. I felt pretty secure there, being as you had to go through people to get in there and there was security and all that. It wasn't like I was alone in the building.
It felt like the second I shut my eyes, someone was shaking me awake. I tensed up immediately.
"Nick, man, wake up." AJ.
I pushed his hands away, pulling myself into a sitting position and squinting at him tiredly.
"Scare you?"
I shook my head no, trying to find a clock somewhere. I couldn't believe that the time had passed.
"What happened, somebody kicked you out of your home?"
"No ..."
"You lock yourself out again?"
"I never locked myself out." I had lost my keys one time. I had to admit, I really wasn't used to living in a place by myself yet. I wasn't there enough to be. You had to remember a lot of things. "I'm just tired."
AJ leaned in, lowering his voice. The expression on his face was far from serious. "I saw that car outside, man."
News traveled fast. It was amazing. "Shut up."
His hand fell on my shoulder, squeezing tightly. "They want you."
"Shut up."
"They--"
"AJ, stop it." I brushed at his hand and shifted away on the couch. He stopped then, I guess he knew I wasn't finding him funny. He was making me upset.
"You need sleep, bro." Now he was serious. "Lots of sleep."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine, you're seeing monsters."
"Monsters?" I made a face at him. "I'm not seeing monsters."
"Whatever it is."
"Look, I didn't even tell you anything, did I? If I wanted you to know anything, I would have told you myself. Forget it."
"Sorry, man, I was just jokin'." He waited for me to say something, but I didn't, so he continued. "If you're having trouble staying at your place, you can always come stay with me."
I didn't answer, I just looked away. Everyone thought I just had demons haunting me. That it was just fear making everything. It wasn't.
"Alright?"
I nodded even though I knew I wouldn't, and he hit my shoulder approvingly.
"Good."
-
Chapter 3
Practice pretty much went fine, we even got some decent recordings done so people would be satisfied. I felt safe, so I did alright. I wondered if there was a bed anywhere in the building. Maybe there I'd be actually able to get a decent night's sleep. On the couch. It wasn't as comfortable as my bed, but it wasn't bad.
I sat on it during one of our breaks and wished I could just lay down and go to sleep. But I couldn't. I let out a long breath.
"So what's between you and Brian?"
I had felt the couch sink in next to me before I even heard Kevin's words, so I was a little prepared. I had my response all ready. I shrugged.
"Nothing?"
"I don't know ... Ask Brian."
"He told me to ask you." Getting no response from me, he kept going. "You guys haven't even looked at each other."
"The opportunity to stare at him hasn't really come up yet, Kev."
Kevin ignored that. "He said you thought you saw some stuff last night."
Thought I saw? Thought.
"I'm tired," I said in response, leaning on him heavily.
"Yeah, I kind of noticed that."
"I like this couch."
"You haven't been sleeping much, huh?"
"I've been sleeping fine."
"Did you talk to Harris today about the stuff you thought you saw?"
"I didn't see Harris today," I muttered.
"Isn't today Wednesday?"
"Yes, it is."
"Aren't your appointments with him on Wednesdays?"
"Yes, they are." I sat up straight, taking my weight off of him.
He was giving me a look now. "Nick."
"Yes."
He looked frustrated.
"It's fine. Everything's fine, isn't it?" I said it sarcastically. "And I'm fine, so there's no point."
"You have to go until the number of sessions or weeks they wanted is up."
"I think it's up." I made a face at him and started to get up. "I'm completely normal now."
"You weren't even completely normal before, Nicky." He caught my arm, growing serious. "I'm not trying to mess with you, man. Tell me what you thought you saw last night."
"I didn't think I saw anything."
"But Brian said-"
"Right. Brian said." He didn't get it. No one got it. "Forget it, I'm fine."
I think he did forget it. Everyone did. No one asked me one thing about what I thought I saw the rest of the time in the studio.
-
I was relieved to get home, even though I didn't want to go there. I think it was because I was just tired and annoyed. I told myself that anybody who wanted to follow me could and I wouldn't even care.
Marco was happy to see me at least, except I really think he just wanted somebody to let him out. I told myself that he was mostly happy just to see me.
I checked my answering machine while he was out there and the little red light was blinking. I pressed the button.
"Thirty-seven new messages," the mechanical voice droned.
I frowned. Thirty-seven?
"Message one," the machine continued. There was a short beep and I waited. I heard a long set of silence, and then another beep. "End of message one."
The next ten were the same.
I heard breathing on twelve through twenty-one. My stomach twisted.
The next ten had a toneless, even humming that made me scared.
Five more had more silence, and the last one had a whispered word that I didn’t even catch the first time.
"Payback."
That one sent a chill through me. I wasn’t imagining it. I couldn’t be. I pushed the pale answering machine away with a shaky hand.
I heard barking.
Thirty-seven messages.
I stumbled away from the machine to go pull the door open for Marco, who pushed his slobbery face heavily into my leg to say hi. He forced me back a few steps.
Thirty-seven messages. I swallowed.
I turned to look at the machine again, and the phone rang right that second.
My heart fluttered, and I felt myself freezing. I didn’t touch the phone. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I just stared at it.
It went through to the answering machine. I heard my message, and it beeped. Silence.
A good twenty seconds of silence. No one waited that long to not leave a message. No one.
It beeped again, marking the end. My machine quoted the day and time.
I sat down quickly on the floor, trying to swallow and finding myself suddenly unable to. No more make-believe villains come back to haunt, this was real. I felt scared.
Marco was trying to climb onto my lap and was finding that he could only fit the first half of himself on there. He settled for that and started panting.
"Your watchdog skills are going to be tested," I whispered to him.
His heavy tail thumped soundly against the tiled floor.
"I'm serious, Marco."
He didn't believe me. His tail kept wagging.
The phone started to ring again. Every ring made me more nervous. I could feel my heart. I stayed on the floor and glanced around for my cell phone. It was on the counter. I slid close enough to reach up and grab it.
Speed dial. Brian. It rang twice.
"Hello?"
"Can you come over?"
"Nick?"
"Can you come over?"
"Your phone’s ringing." He could hear it.
"I know. Bri, seriously, I want you to come over."
"You’re not gonna answer your phone?"
"No, man. The hang-up-er left me messages on my machine." My voice sounded shaky, even to my own ears.
"What?"
"If you come over I can explain it all to you."
"Explain all of what?"
Sometimes, Brian was annoyingly dense. I took a deep breath and tried to talk a little slower. "Please come over."
"Okay." He finally got the message. "Give me ten minutes."
I clicked off my phone. I could live ten minutes. Yes, I could. I glanced at the machine, across from me now. The red light was still blinking. The phone was ringing again.
I ignored it. The best I could anyway. Marco let out a whine. I guess he didn't like the noise.
Brian took nine minutes and forty-seven seconds to arrive. When he did, he let himself in because I never even heard a knock. I was still sitting on the floor. I don't know why.
"Nicky, git off the floor," was his greeting. Marco got up to meet him, overjoyed to see him for some odd reason. Maybe he had to go out again. Brian patted his head. "Hi, Marco Polo."
"Man ..." The phone had stopped ringing. Weird. "Man, go to my answering machine and look at all the messages."
Brian did as I told him, seizing the opportunity to kick me as he crossed my path. "Get up." He was studying the machine, seeing the number there. I wondered how high it had gotten. "Is this broken?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yes." I got to my feet quickly, moving next to him. "Bri, listen to them."
He pressed the first one and got the silence.
"Nicky, it's broke. You really oughtta get it-"
"No, it's not, Brian. Just listen."
"I don't hear anything."
"That's the point! Who leaves blank messages?"
"Nick--"
I skipped over the next several, stopping at number eleven. The breathing. It scared me as much the second time.
"Now that's weird," Brian admitted softly.
"And ..." I skipped ahead again. Number thirty-seven. Payback.
"What did it say?"
"Payback," I said softly.
Brian was silent. I could tell that he was a little worried this time.
"See?" I whispered, drumming my fingers on the counter. "Now that I have evidence do you believe me?"
"I don't know ... Who do you think it is?"
"I don't know," I said honestly.
"Maybe someone's just trying to scare you."
"Well they're succeeding."
"Maybe it's just random."
"It's been for awhile though. I mean, not the answering machine, but the hang-ups and stuff." I looked at Marco, who had plopped down suddenly with a sigh. "I'm gonna move."
"Nicky, don't be stupid."
"Stupid?"
"You don't have to move."
"Well I'm gonna change my number then."
"That I could see."
"But it's not just the calls. The car ..." I swallowed.
"We'll call the police," Brian interrupted. He probably thought I still had imagined the car. "Maybe they can trace the call. And we'll tell the guys. We'll just be careful, it may be nothing."
I nodded. It didn't feel like nothing though.
"Are you hungry? You wanna go get something to eat?"
I nodded again, even though I wasn't hungry at all. I just wanted to get out of the house.
Payback. I couldn't get the word out of my head.
-
Chapter 4
AJ wound up meeting up with us, so it was the three of us in a crowded, out of the way McDonald's. Brian had said nothing about anything since we had left, and I had done the same. I just thought about it.
The only thing I could come up with was that it was weird. It could turn out to be a prank, but it just didn't feel like one. On top of that, I couldn't think of anyone who would pull something like it. And I couldn't think about anyone who would want payback against me. Anyone that wasn't in jail anyway.
Thinking about that was starting to make me sick to my stomach.
"So yeah ..." AJ was looking at both me and Brian. No one had said anything.
Brian played with the paper his half-eaten Big Mac was sitting on, folding the edge of it between his fingers. He said it first. "Nicky's gotten some really weird calls, man."
AJ turned his brown eyes on me then, and he leaned forward a little over the table. "Is it ... from them?"
Complete sarcasm.
I gave him the finger. That amused him immensely, but it didn't amuse Brian.
"Nick," he hissed. "We're in public."
As if I didn't know. AJ just chuckled, pushing at Brian's arm.
"We're fine, man, relax. Nick, watch yourself." He didn't mean it though. He loved pushing me, but not in a mean way. He just liked to try and annoy me.
I forced myself not to smile at him. "Seriously, AJ. Listen."
"Tell me."
"Somebody left all these messages on my machine ... weird things." I kept my voice lowered, as if someone could be listening in on me. "Like nothing for ten messages and then breathing, and then they were like, payback." I hissed the word. "And then more blank and then more breathing and then-"
"Okay," AJ interrupted gently. "I get it." He paused. "That's weird."
"I know."
"You should call the cops, have them trace it. I had this one girl once, she called me for weeks and then one day she tried to break in. Nutcase."
"I don't care if somebody breaks in, I just don't want somebody ..." I trailed off. "It's the payback part." That was the part that bothered me. I swallowed, staring down at my uneaten burger.
"You don't want anybody breaking in anyway, reject. C'mon."
"They can take what they want, Jay, I don't care."
Brian cut in. The voice of reason. "We're gonna call the cops. Then they'll worry about it. They'll make sure nothing happens. Okay?"
I nodded.
"C'mon, don't worry, eat," he said.
I pulled my french fries closer to me, ignoring the burger. "So you think it's weird too, huh, Jays?"
"Yeah, man."
"Okay." I swallowed some french fries. He was being serious now. "Can Marco and I move in with you, Brian?"
"I think you're overreacting, Nick."
I gave him my sad look. "You just don't wanna hang out with me."
AJ started to laugh. "That's pathetic, Nick."
But it worked on Brian, he was starting to look guilty. "You know that's not true ..."
"Then why can't I move in with you?"
"You don't need to move in with me."
"You don't care ..."
AJ cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows at Brian before looking at me. "You can move in with me, buddy."
"See?" I said. "AJ cares."
Brian was giving AJ a dirty look because he knew he was just playing him. I knew it too. AJ didn't really want me to stay with him.
"Will you stop, AJ? Man." But he was smiling. "You people."
"It's not because of this anyways, Bri," I interrupted. "I decided that I don't like where I live anymore."
"Because of this," Brian added.
"No, it's not because of this."
"Yes it is."
"It's not, Brian, I haven't liked where I've lived for awhile."
"Yeah, and that's because you've been getting phone calls for awhile."
"You have?" AJ cut in.
"Yeah."
"You never say anything, Nick."
"You never believe anything."
AJ shrugged his shoulders. "But still. When shit happens, you should say something. I mean, look at last time."
I didn't want to look at last time, so I shook my head. "When I say stuff, everyone just thinks I'm seeing things."
Neither answered. Guilty as charged, and they knew it.
"See?"
"Well for awhile you were seeing lots of things," Brian countered.
"No, I wasn't."
"You were, man, you just don't remember."
"I remember everything."
"Guys," AJ cut in.
"What."
"Just eat."
I wasn't hungry though, so I just looked at him. And Brian was already finished.
AJ took the rest of the french fries that I wasn't touching and started to eat them. "I bet it's just some stupid person who likes to scare easily scareable people, Nick. That's probably what it is."
"I'm not easily scareable."
Neither argued with me. That meant that they thought I was. I let out a breath and watched as Brian started to take my fries too. "Of all people to be getting prank calls," he said.
AJ nodded.
And that's what they thought of it as. Prank phone calls.
-
We went to the police after that. Told them about the calls, the messages. They didn't seem too bothered about it; I don't think that prank phone calls were high on their list of priorities either. They had more serious problems, like sane people getting stalked by not-so-invisible cars. I wasn't really an emergency.
I felt stupid. Their only option was to tap my line so that they could monitor who was calling, to which I said yes. They set up a time the next day that they would do that, and we were on our way.
Brian and AJ seemed to consider it over once we had done that. It was taken care of and now it was time to move forward. I couldn’t do the same, and when they started talking about the tour that was going to be on top of us in a couple of weeks, I was thinking about where the caller was going to go next with things.
And if they were related to the car that had followed me in any way.
And who they were.
"Right, Nick?"
I glanced up and Brian was looking at me, expecting some sort of answer.
"What?"
AJ interrupted, wrapping an arm around my neck from behind. "We said, we're gonna have so much fun this tour, aren't we?"
Fun. Oh yeah. I could imagine it now.
He jostled me before letting me go. "If you stop worrying."
"I can't help worrying."
"I know."
"Aren't you worried?"
"A little," he admitted.
"Listen, Nick," Brian started, unlocking the car door. "You can stay over with me if you want, okay? Seriously. I think we'd both feel better."
I nodded. Yeah.
"What about me?" AJ gave us a saddened, left out look. He rubbed the back of his head, waiting.
Brian rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "What about you?"
"You come too," I told him as I leaned against the car. The more the merrier. The safer. The better.
"Anyone else you want to invite?"
Brian was being sarcastic but I feigned seriousness back. "Um ... I think that's it. And Marco. But that's it."
"Great. Marco the Destroyer."
"He doesn't destroy. He protects."
"Right ..."
"Drop me home first and I'll come by a little later," I said.
"I'll come by later, too," AJ added, headed for his own car. "But I was just joking about stayin' over, Brian, don't worry."
"No," I argued. Safety in numbers. "You stay too."
AJ looked amused. "Fine, but only if Brian feeds us."
"He will," I promised, pushing at Brian's shoulder. "Right?"
Brian shrugged. "I'll order pizza."
"It's done," AJ said, giving me a smile. "I'll see you guys later."
-
Later, I was more worried than I had been before. Because I did a stupid thing. I called off the planned phone taps. I had a reason, I don't know how good it was, but I was scared and so I did it.
When Brian dropped me off, I found a note slid under my front door. By the time I picked it up, Brian had already driven off and so I couldn't tell him about it. I scratched Marco's head as I tore open the envelope, and then I read what it said.
'If the cops do anything, you'll be sorry. This is between us, keep it to yourself.'
That was what it said. All it said. Those two lines. I didn't know what 'sorry' entailed, and I sure as hell didn't know who 'us' was, and to be honest I felt terrified.
Not knowing who it could be gave me some hope that it was just a joke, some rabid fan that wanted to see what would happen if I got scared. But they were still following me, whoever it was, and they knew I had gone to the police. That was scary.
So I called the police off. They didn't question me when I cancelled the phone-tapping. They were probably relieved because it gave them one less thing to do. More time to eat donuts and drink coffee.
It didn't make me feel any better. One, I was giving in. Two, I was making myself more unprotected.
I must have been stupid.
-
Chapter 5
I headed over to Brian's at about seven. I kind of felt like I was imposing when I got there though. I don't know why, but for the first time in a long time I felt really awkward when he opened the door and let me in. I could have let myself in, I had a key, but that would be imposing even more. So I knocked.
"You alright?"
"Yeah ..." I had brought Marco with me too, and the beast squeezed in before me. I couldn't leave him back in the stalker's land by himself. Even though he probably would have been better off without me.
"You look distracted."
"I am."
"You hungry?"
I shrugged. "A little." I was. A little.
"A little? I thought you said you wanted me to make food for you."
I had followed him into the kitchen. "AJ did. Why, did you make food?"
"Well not yet," he admitted.
I smiled slightly at that, grabbing a seat at his counter without answering. I leaned my elbows forward on the hard surface. It felt cold.
"You feeling better about stuff?"
I shrugged. Not really. But I couldn't tell him why.
"You will. You're overtired."
I nodded at the counter. "I liked what we did today," I said, changing the subject without thinking. "Is that going on the album?"
"Yeah ... as of now we think. We talked about it today, man."
"Yeah ... I wasn't really listening." I didn't remember.
Brian just looked at me.
"What?"
"You gotta pay attention more. You complain that we don't ask you for your opinion but you're never just quite there, man."
"Thanks a lot."
"I'm meaning lately."
I didn't answer that. I just stared at the cabinets across from me. Ugh.
"I'm just being serious."
"Okay."
Brian looked annoyed now. He didn't like when I couldn't take criticism. He thought that I should be able to take it from him. I could. I just wasn't in the mood.
"God, Nick."
"What."
"You're just ... ugh."
My thoughts exactly. I sent him a look.
He said nothing.
"I wish AJ was here."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because. I just wish he was here, okay?"
Brian was silent again.
Fun times. We sat there for like five minutes until I swear I heard voices screaming in my head. I couldn't sit there any longer.
I ran a hand through my short messy hair and got to my feet. "Man ..."
"What?"
"Can we order a pizza or something?" I wasn't hungry. It was just something to do. And it didn't involve talking.
"Go ahead."
I went ahead. Brian was now antisocial. He would probably argue that the opposite was true -- that I was the one being that way -- but it didn't matter. I hadn't come to get on his bad side.
The pizza came in about a half an hour, and we didn't talk up until that time. At that point the words, "Pizza's here," and, "I'll get it," were uttered.
Silence continued after those words though. I guess it didn't help when I took what I wanted into the other room so that I could be alone.
No, that didn't help.
But it also didn't help that he didn't come join me. It wasn't all my doing. He could have fixed things right there.
Definitely his fault.
I started giving up on AJ coming when about two hours passed and I was still just sitting there in front of the TV, on the couch, a pizza-greased paper plate next to me.
I let out a sigh. I didn't feel weird sitting there, just sort of lonely. I had sort of held on to the hope that Brian was going to come in the room once some time had passed, but that was sort of fading.
I drifted off soon after that, and didn't come to until I felt someone pulling something out of my hand.
AJ. Pulling at the remote so that he could turn off the TV. He saw I was awake.
"Hey."
I frowned at him, wiping my chin out of habit. "Where were you?"
"Out. How's it going?" He didn't get my point.
"Brian made us dinner."
"Really?" Now he looked guilty. That was what I wanted.
"Yeah."
"It good?"
I shrugged. He looked like he was thinking.
"Did he make the pizza box in the kitchen too?"
I stared at him. He said it so nonchalantly too. There went that. "Shut up."
He smiled faintly. "So where's Brian? How come you're camped out in here?"
I shrugged slightly, sitting up. "I don't know. Just because."
"Because ..."
"I don't know," I repeated. "I just am. Watching TV, eating dinner. Waiting for the no-show."
"I showed."
"Too late."
"You don't have to be pissy about it."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not."
"Alright, fine." Obviously he didn't think so. "Where's Brian at?"
"How should I know?"
"Is that why you're pissy?"
I stared at him.
"You two fight?"
"No."
"No?"
I shook my head as he sank into the couch next to me.
"Did something happen?"
"Nope." I stared at the coffee table in front of us. "Where'd you go out to?"
"Just out."
"I would have gone with you."
He shrugged at that. In other words, no.
"I need to get out," I told him.
"You are out."
"You know what I mean."
"I'm tired," was all he said. "Are you staying here?"
I shook my head. "No."
"I thought you were."
"I changed my mind."
"Any particular reason?"
I shook my head, pulling myself up from the couch quickly. I didn't have any particular reason, other than I felt out of place. I called for my dog and then turned back to him. "Have fun with Brian."
"Don't go out and be stupid."
"Yeah," I muttered.
But I did.
I did it anyway. I dropped Marco back at my place and then went out and was stupid. By the time I rolled in, the sun was rising and I just wanted to sleep a long time. A week.
I didn't get to though. Later that morning, my cell phone started to ring. When I answered it, I was met with an irritated voice.
"Nick."
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"What?"
"Anyplace you can think of where you should be right now?" Kevin's voice finally registered in my mind.
I didn't answer, I just fumbled for my clock and stared at the time on it. Place to be?
"Nick?"
It hit me. The studio. Ah.
"Sorry, Kev ... you guys still there?" I was sorry too.
"Well, me and Howie." He sounded annoyed. "Are Brian and AJ with you, too?"
"No ..."
"Where are they?"
"They were at Brian's."
"No one's answering phones."
I frowned. "Really?"
"Listen, let's just call off today, I'm done wasting time. You sound like shit anyway."
He had to get that in there.
"So when you hear from the boys--"
"Where do you think they are?" I interrupted. The fact they hadn't shown up at the studio made me worry. It wasn't like they were out last night and sleeping it off like me.
"You're asking me? What are you worrying about."
"Cause they missed."
"So did you."
"Yeah, but ..." I let out a breath. I couldn't argue it.
"I gotta go," Kevin said. "Go back to sleep."
He said it in jest, but I listened anyway. Even though something haunted me in the back of my mind.
-
Chapter 6
Lately I was beginning to think that I was the only one who ever thought about things. The only one who thought about them seriously anyway. No one else seemed to, even after all those years of being on my back for thinking I wasn't. Or maybe it was that nobody else cared enough anymore to worry. If that made any sense at all.
I couldn't go back to sleep because my stomach was in knots. I couldn't really pinpoint what it was that was worrying me, but even after rolling over about seven times, the ache wouldn't go away.
"Marco."
I said it in a normal voice, hoping he would hear. He didn't though. If he did, he ignored me.
I didn't think Marco had the ability to ignore.
I leaned my head back, letting out a sigh. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to stay in bed. I shoved all my covers off, hoping that would give me the incentive to get up. It took a couple more minutes and the phone ringing.
The phone pissed me off. I was seriously beginning to curse Alexander Bell, or whoever invented the thing. What an idiot.
"Marco," I said louder, stumbling across the kitchen to answer it. My legs still weren't awake. I didn't care who was on the other end anymore. I clicked it on. "If you don't stop calling me, I going to hunt you down and chop off your--"
"Nick?"
I cleared my throat. "Hey."
Kevin paused for a long time.
I swallowed. "What's up."
There was another pause. "Who did you think this was?"
"No one."
"You shouldn't talk to people like that."
"Okay."
"Is someone calling you?"
"What would make you think that," I answered sarcastically. He never listened.
He also liked to ignore things I said that he didn't like. "Nick ... Have you heard from Brian yet?"
"No ..." Hadn't he asked me that when he called five minutes ago? Or awhile ago?
"He was supposed to meet up with me about an hour ago."
I leaned against the counter, losing my balance for a second. I heard the padding of feet across the tile, and felt something push into me. Marco.
"Nick?"
"What if something bad happened?" I heard my voice raise slightly. Kevin didn't answer. I think now he was a little worried. Which made me more worried. I suddenly felt guilty. "I shouldn't have left last night."
Marco barked suddenly. I glanced down, frowning at him. God. Kevin said something but I couldn't hear him. The dog. I started to push at him with my leg.
I cleared my throat again. "What are we gonna do?"
"For what?"
"I'm gonna come to your place," I said. I didn't bother in asking. He wouldn't say no.
"Don't start getting nervous," Kevin started in a serious tone.
I couldn't stop. "You are."
"I'm not."
"You are, don't lie, I can tell."
"Nick." He sounded frustrated.
"What."
"You can come over."
"I was planning on it."
He hung up on me. I wasn't offended. I flipped off the phone and tossed it on the counter, grabbing my keys instead. I almost tripped over Marco on the way to the door.
"Damn you," I muttered.
When I got to the door though, I stopped. There was another note, lying there. Flat there on the ground, staring up at me. As if someone had just placed it there that second. I felt a chill.
I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want to pick it up, I didn't want to touch it. I wanted it to disappear.
But it wasn't going to. I didn't really have much of a choice.
I picked it up slowly. It was folded in half, and I unfolded it carefully, as if it would blow up in my haste.
"How does it feel to lose someone?"
I folded it back up quickly. I could see my hands shaking. Lose someone?
I reached down for Marco's head to scratch it, and got a tongue licking my hand instead. I let my hand hang there for a second, not sure what to do.
I did what I was planning to do.
"Kev ..."
"Hey, man -- You brought the dog?" Kevin seemed to hesitate in opening the door fully when he saw that.
"Attack dog."
"Intimidating."
"That's why I brought him," I said, pushing the door the rest of the way open myself.
"You doing alright?"
"Yeah ..." I shut the door behind me and locked it before facing him. "Hey."
"Hey."
"What are we gonna do?"
He looked lost.
I rubbed my eye nervously. "I got something ..."
"What?"
I started pulling the now crumpled paper out of my pocket. The crease was well-worn with the amount of times I had repeatedly opened and closed it on the way over.
"What's that." Kevin sounded suspicious as soon as his eyes noticed it. He took it from me before I even unfolded it.
I was silent as he read it. He read it several times before he looked up at me.
"Where'd you get this?"
"Under my door," I mumbled.
"What?"
I cleared my throat. "They slid it under my door."
"Who's they?"
"How should I know?" I argued, voice breaking. "You're the one telling me I'm imagining everything."
"I never said that."
"You thought it."
"Nick-"
"You didn't believe me."
"We're not gonna argue about this now," Kevin interrupted. "Alright?" He was giving me an irritated look. "Who's they?"
"Them."
"Carter." He looked about ready to hit me. I think I had pissed him off enough.
"I don't know who 'they' is." I gave him a look that I hoped would be returned with sympathy. I don't know if it was, he just sort of stared at me funny. I lowered my voice. "They're after me."
"When you say that, I want to laugh at you."
But he didn't. He couldn't.
"I'm going crazy," I muttered. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. I didn't want any of this. I didn't ask for any of it. "Where's Howie?"
"Probably at home."
I started toward the kitchen, for the phone. "He's gonna come over."
"Nicky--"
"Something might happen to him too."
"Nothing's gonna happen to him."
"You don't know anything. You don't even know where Bri and Jay are. They could be ..." I trailed off.
"Calm down."
"No." I couldn't dial on the phone, my fingers wouldn't work. "They could be ..."
Kevin watched me a minute. "Do you want me to call?"
"Yeah."
Kevin took the phone out of my hand. "And?"
"And tell him to come over."
"Alright."
"We should call the police," I said as he started to dial. "Except we can't, we're not allowed." I hesitated. "But we should. Not like they care though ..."
Kevin was holding up a hand to quiet me. "Hey, Howie," he was saying into the phone.
"Maybe we should anyway. I mean ... it's the right thing to do, right?" I stared at the counter, drumming my fingers on it. It was the right thing to do.
"Nick, why don't you go get some sleep or something." Kevin was already off the phone.
"I slept today."
"Go sleep some more."
I stared at him a second, blankly.
"Go sleep, it's okay." He said it gently, as if I was a little kid.
I was too tired to argue with him. He could be lookout. I could sleep.
-