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Email from a friend

Subject: Wife Problems

A friend of mine passed on the following email he was sent in response to his plea for help, in the delicate matter of 'Wife Problems'.

Reading this should be warning enough, as it was to me, to all you chaps considering upgrading from Girlfriend to Wife systems.

Read on - before its to late

I recently installed Wife 1.0 onto my system. Followed the instructions, I uninstalled Girlfriend 7.0 Deluxe from my hard drive before attempting to install Wife 1.0 but despite these precautions, Wife 1.0 seems to have taken over my whole system.

2) It interferes with some other programs such as Match-of-the-day 2002 Edition, Beerbash 3.5, Spending-spree 5.0 and Relaxation 6.0

3) It refuses to allow me to install any programs that require a joy stick, such as Bit-on-the-side 2.0, mistress 4.0 and Sports car V12.0 Deluxe.

4) The Auto-registration process appears to have introduced several viruses such as Earache 2.0, Mother-in-law 1.0 and Washing-up 7.0

I have been in touch with the manufactures, "In-Laws Incorporated" but they insist that their product is functioning correctly and that all of the above "features" are part of the package.

With this in mind I decided to try and remove Wife 1.0 from my system and re-install Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall does not work.

I sympathise with your situation, as will many other men who fall into this same trap of upgrading from Girlfriend ?.0 to Wife 1.0

The main problem is that the Girlfriend series of programs are not compatible with Wife 1.0

The Girlfriend programs are designed to handle LEISURE & ENTERTAINMENT systems only.

Wife 1.0 however is a complete OPERATING SYSTEM and is therefore designed to take control of your whole system.

You are not allowed to uninstall Wife 1.0 without breaking your warranty agreement with "In-Laws Incorporated".

If you decide to do this, you will find that the penalty clause of your warranty, namely "Alimony & Child Support", will place such a strain on your system that Girlfriend 7.0 will not re-install.

You are fortunate in that you have the first version of Wife on your system. You might not be able to uninstall Wife 1.0 but there are programs available to help you counter some of its subroutines.

1.) Try installing Girls-night-out 3.0. This should enable you to install Mistress 4.0 and/or Bit-on-the-side 2.1 without being detected by Wife 1.0. You must always remember to check that Girls-night-out 3.0 is running each time you want to play Mistress 4.0 or Bit-on-the-side 2.1. This is essential as it allows you to use your joy stick without interference from Wife 1.0.

2.) You must prevent Wife from performing an Auto-upgrade to Wife 1.1 or higher. We therefore strongly recommend that you also install one or more of the following programs:

These are all designed to prevent Wife 1.0 from performing such an upgrade, as this would be disastrous for your system, as it contains such additional programs as Child 1.0, Nappy-changer 7.0 and Babyminder 4.0. These programs would nullify the benefits of Girls-night-out 3.0, there-by disabling your joy stick once again. They would also purge Mistress 4.0 and Bit-on-the-side 2.1 from your system.

'In-Laws Incorporated' will detect your systems failure to upgrade to Wife 1.1 and will bombard you with requests and special offers to try and get you to upgrade.

You must resist this at all costs, as no programs have yet been developed to counter the effects of Wife 1.1 on your system.

This friend of mine as asked me not to include his name, as Wife 1.0 might find out what he has been up to.