Disclaimer: The characters are owned by TNT and everyone else involved with the show

This is just something I thought up one day when I had some spare time on my hands.

Title - Divine Intervention
Author - KB
E-mail address - gekbruce@melbpc.org.au
Rating - G
Category - Pretender/Touched by an Angel Crossover/Spoof
Series/Sequel - Nope
Spoilers - N/A
Summary - Jarod and Miss Parker have a run in with Monica the angel.

"Divine Intervention"
by KB

Jarod watched in amazement as a strange orangey-yellow light appeared over Monica’s head and he hurried to examine the roof, certain that he must have left a large hole and wondering how he’d missed it in his earlier inspection of the building.

“Jarod, I am an angel sent by God to help you reconcile your differences with people in your past.”

“That’s not possible,” mumbled Jarod, his mouth full of nails. “Sydney and I performed a SIM in 1966 that proved that angels and other supernatural beings don’t exist.”

“You’re wrong, Jarod. That’s why The X-files are so popular. But, anyway, to get back to the reason that I’m here…”
“Look, could you stop moving around? I’m trying to find the hole that all that light’s coming through and you keep getting in the way!”

“Jarod, that light was made by God.” Jarod snorted and then howled with pain as he brought the hammer down on his thumb instead of the nail. Jarod stared in shock as Miss Parker walked into the room and he immediately looked for the closest exit. Rushing to the door, he flung it open and stared in dismay at the five-storey drop down to solid earth.
“Damn! I knew I should have put that staircase in earlier!” He felt the solid gun between his shoulder blades and, for one brief second, contemplated how much it would hurt to jump out of the doorway and how many bones he would break.

“Go ahead,” a voice whispered in his ear. “Jump. I’m still going to take you back to the Centre with me, broken bones or not.” He turned around and stared in shock as Monica did nothing.

“Hey, I could use a little assistance here!”

“Oh, don’t worry. The gun’s empty.” Miss Parker sneered. “Look, sister, I don’t care who you are but I loaded this gun this morning and I’ll prove it to you if I have to pump you so full of holes that I could use you as a sieve!”
Monica laughed.

“Go ahead. Even if there were bullets, you still wouldn’t be able to hurt me. I’m an angel.”

“Look, enough of that stuff already. Just give me a hand here, will you?” Monica looked at Jarod, whose face was red from a combination of stress and annoyance.

“Jarod, Miss Parker won’t be taking you back to the Centre today.”

“Oh yeah? Just watch me.” She began to hustle Jarod towards the only other door in the room but her way was blocked by Andrew, the Angel of Death, who appeared as if by magic, but actually by divine intervention.

“She’s right, Mary. There’s no chance of you going anywhere.”

“Mary? You told me, when we were ten years old, that your name was Meredith!” Jarod twisted out of her grasp and stared at Miss Parker.

“How many other lies have you told me?"

"Only as many as anybody else at the Centre ever did,” Miss Parker snapped as she brought the gun up again and aimed it at his head.

“But you’ll never have a chance to tell anyone else. I’m sick of all the little games that we’ve had to play for the last three years and I’m ending this right now. Willie!” she yelled through the door.

“It’s no use, Miss Parker. He won’t hear you.”

“Oh yeah? And what makes you so sure?” She moved over to the door through which she had  originally entered and threw it open. In shock she looked down on the ground, five storeys down, and the origins of the staircase on the ground floor. As the world began to spin she stumbled back into the room and, for lack of anywhere else, sat on the floor, which, she felt, would be less likely to spin than anything else. She was wrong and, for several moments, she was staring at seven different Jarods, all wearing the same infuriating grin, as they moved around her in a circle. Then she shook her head and glared up at Andrew.

“Right, so if you’re an angel, where are the big wings? Come on, showthem to me! I want to see feathers! Not to mention the golden halo!” Monica and Andrew exchanged embarrassed glances and shuffled their feet, turning a dull shade of red.

“Well…yes…okay. You see, we don’t get those as part of our regulation outfit.” At this response Miss Parker snorted and climbed up off the floor.

“Okay, great, so we get some half-hearted supernatural creature here to save our souls. Come on, Jarod. I’m sure there’s a less insane place where I can capture you and drag you back to the Centre.” As they left and began to climb down the staircase (which was only invisible but quite real all the same and quite indignant at having been previously ignored, thank you very much) Monica turned to Andrew.

“So,which one of them dies?”Andrew, whose colour had begun to fade, flushed red again.

“Well, actually, no-one. Della Reece's negotiations kept her away and I’m here as a replacement.”

“Fabulous!” Monica threw her hands up in the air and began to walk away.

“Not only have we failed to make those two friends again, they’re both going to think that they’ve been put through some drug-induced nightmare! What else can go wrong?” She opened one of the doors and prepared to descend the staircase.

“Uh, Monica?”

“What?” she snapped as she took the first step.

“That’s the wrong staircase!”

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