Disclaimer: All right Steve and Craig, I hope you guys don't get any ideas, 'cause I know I don't own them. Just please, be nice, K?
Author's Note: Well, I'm way over tired and was walking to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for bed when this hit me and I started to giggle at the prospect, so I knew I had to write it!
Title - FanFiction Blues
Author - Ashlee
E-mail address - zyp959@hotmail.com
Rating - PG - a couple naughty words.
Category - Adventure/ This universe <g>
Series/Sequel - Nope
Spoilers - N/A
Summary - A fanfic writter has a run-in with the real thing.
"FanFiction
Blues"
By Ashlee
Steven Long Mitchell stared at his screen in contempt.
"What is this stuff?" he asked his fellow creator.
Craig looked over his shoulder to see the title of the page.
"The Pretender FanFiction Archive? I think that pretty much says it there." Craig said, starting to read the story that Steven had just pulled up.
"More like fan-crap-tion if you ask me! What the hell do these people think they're doing? Making a mockery of our show!"
Craig looked over at Steve.
"I think this stuff is great! These stories have such variety, who would have thought that there were so many situations the characters could be in? They aren't mocking the show, they're celebrating it. Besides, they all have disclaimers. It's not that bad."
Steven wheeled around and gave Craig a look that could kill.
"Yes it is!! Do you know what I think we should do?"
Craig, always the optimist, spoke.
"Create a contest and ask the winner to co-write a script?"
"No you imbecile! I think we should make an example of one of these so called writers!!"
"But Steve…." With one glare Craig quickly relented, not wanting to suffer the wrath of his co-producer. "Yes Steven."
Steven nodded and went back to the screen. After clicking a few times he came upon a name and laughed evilly. "This one shall serve as our example to the world of fan fiction authors!!" He continued to laugh evilly as Craig looked on cautiously.
***
Two Days Later
Ashlee's House
Ashlee sat at her desk, leaned back, keyboard in lap and ready to type…except nothing was coming to her. She quickly logged onto the Internet, and went to her e-mail to see if any new stories had been posted on the Pretendfic egroup that she belonged to. Unfortunately, before her mail could load, her phone rang, disconnecting her.
"Damn it!" She exclaimed as she ran to answer the ringing phone. "Hello?"
"Hello, may I speak to Ashlee please."
"This is her. May I ask who this is?"
"Steven Long Mitchell, co-creator of…"
"Oh My God!!!!! Oh my god, oh my god!!! Steven Long Mitchell as in the Pretender Steven Long Mitchell?" she asked excitedly.
"One in the same. We were reading some of your fan *fiction*" the word was laced with sarcasm, but Ashlee was to excited to notice, "and we decided that we'd ask you to co-write a story with us."
"What?! Oh my God!! This is like…winning the lotto and never buying the ticket!! So do I get to meet the cast and everything?" Ashlee was nearly hyperventilating with all of this excitement. She had to get online and tell the group!
"Of course! We're on our way now to pick you up and meet your parents. Can you give us directions?"
After a few moments of explaining Ashlee finished with the instructions, hung up and raced back to her computer. She logged on again and typed out a quick message:
Subject: You are SO not going to believe this!
Okay guys, get this, Steven Long Mitchell and Craig W. VanSickle are coming over RIGHT NOW and they want me to…CO-WRITE A STORY WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? I know! Neither can I!! Anyway, write you right after the meeting!!
Ashlee
Just as she sent out the message there was a knocking at her front door. She quickly logged off of her account and she raced for the door, nearly killing herself in the process. She flung open the door and was greeted by two of her heroes. She stood staring at them open-mouthed for a moment, and finally realized that she was supposed to speak.
"Oh, uh hi!! Why don't you guys come on in?"
Steven walked in and looked about curiously.
"Are your parents home?"
"No, not right now, but you can hang out until they get back." She ushered them to the couch, trying to remain cool. However, Steven and Craig didn't sit down. Steven pulled a needle from his pocket, while Craig pulled out a black hood.
Ironically enough, the first thought to go through Ashlee's mind was not one of fear but: That looks *exactly* like the hood that they used to cover Jarod's head. I wonder if it's from the prop room.
After that she felt the needle enter her arm and everything went black.
Back on her account a reply popped up.
To: merriman_peldon@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: You are SO not going to believe this!
Ashlee,
Cut the crap, this isn't even something you should joke about!! I know that you were hoping that someday they would do that, but you shouldn't even kid about it!
Gables
***
One Day Later
Ashlee awoke slowly. She could hear voices speaking around her, but she couldn't recognize them. She tried to lift her head off her chest to see who else was in the room, but as soon as she did a sharp pain ran through her head, and she set her chin back down.
The people in the room with her obviously saw her movement because she could hear their footfalls coming closer, each one held about as many decibels of a thunder clap.
"Ah, I see our *writer* has arose!" Came a sarcastic and menacing voice.
Ashlee looked at the man astonished.
"Steven Long Mitchell?! What are you doing here?" she paused for a moment looking around. "For that matter where is here? And why am I tied to a chair?"
Steven laughed evilly.
"I am here to show that nobody can make a mockery of me or my show! You," he pointed a long, crooked finger at her, "are here to be an example to all others who dare to write that horrid stuff called," he paused as he nearly gagged on the word, "fan fiction."
Craig, who had been watching from the far corner, approached so he could hear Ashlee's next words clearly.
"This is all about fan fiction?" she asked incredulously. "Why didn't you just sue me, why kidnap me? You would have made just as good example out of me."
Craig nodded.
"She's right Steve. At least suing is within the law. We just kidnapped someone for Pete’s sake! That's a *felony* as in a fifteen to life kind of felony!"
"Shut up Craig!!! This isn't about that! No one's gunna stop because of a dumb ass law suite! No," he smiled wickedly, sending chills through both Craig and Ashlee. "This is about insuring that no one ever feels safe enough to write fan fiction *ever* again."
"Well you could have chose someone else! I mean I barely have any stories compared to some. I mean take KB for example. One of her stories, Suppressed Memories, has like forty-two parts. So why not pick one of the people who write a lot." Ashlee asked, as she fiddled with the ropes that held her in the chair.
Steven was getting extremely mad, his anger shown in the tomato red hue to his face.
"Because you were the first one we clicked on! Now shut up!!!" He started pacing around the room tapping his forehead. "Think, think, think." He stopped and looked at Craig triumphantly. "We will become members of this Pretendfic and write them telling them we have captured one of their own, and that unless they comply they will never hear from her again!" he threw his head back and began to laugh villainously.
"Uh, Steven," Ashlee spoke up from her chair. "I hate to burst your bubble and all, but they aren't going to believe you. I sent a message that you all were coming over, and I bet you all I have that there are at least twenty messages telling me I'm full of it and to knock it off."
Steven scowled at her.
"Damn you and your Pretendfic knowledge! Fine." He turned to Craig. "I want you to call the cast and tell them that the script reading is off and then get me a camera and today's L.A. Times."
Craig was about to protest, but Steven delivered a death glare that would make Charles Manson shiver in fear.
"Yes Steven."
Steven looked at her and resumed laughing evilly while Ashlee tried to loosen the knots that bound her.
***
Andrea Parker's House
Andrea had just showered and dressed in an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt and was heading out the door. She had a few errands to run before the script reading. Before she could shut the door, her telephone rang. She debated leaving without answering, but her curiosity got the better of her and she raced to the phone and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey Andrea, Cr…Craig here." He said sounding nervous.
Andrea looked worried, and it was reflected in her words.
"Craig, is anything wrong?"
"Wrong? Wrong? Ha ha, uh no, nothing's wrong." He was sounding like Mel Gibson on 'Conspiracy Theory' when he went to talk to Julia Roberts at the paper.
"Craig, seriously, are you all right?" Andrea was getting really worried.
"Yeah fine, just called to say the reading today is off." With that he hung up, leaving Andrea to her thoughts.
"In four years Steven has *never* cancelled a reading. What's going on? I better call Michael."
***
Michael T. Weiss Residence
Michael was sitting outside by his pool, lounging luxuriously in a lawn chair wearing nothing but black swim trunks and sporty sunglasses. His hair spiked and wet after a refreshing swim. He sat with a homemade fruit drink in one hand and fan mail in the other. As he read the letter he laughed a little at the signature. His number one fan. Man he had a lot of those!
Before he could think any further on it, his phone rang. He sat down his drink and picked up the cordless that sat beside him.
"Hello?"
"Michael, it's me. Something's wrong." Andrea said sounding concerned.
Michael sat up straight.
"Andrea, are you okay? Did something happen?" Michael was already on his feet, hurrying into his house and looking for clothes.
"Nothing's wrong with me, but Steven called off the reading. He *never* calls off a reading. And Craig sounded really nervous over the phone. I think something's wrong."
Michael paused for a moment.
"That's not like Steven or Craig at all. Did he say where he was?"
"No, but the caller ID said that they were at the studio. I think we need to get down there."
Michael nodded in agreement.
"Okay."
Andrea smiled, she knew she could count on him.
"I'll be there in a few."
***
After the response from Andrea, Craig decided to leave voice mail for the others. If they picked up he dialed another number where they wouldn't be and left a message. He couldn't handle the pressure of talking to anyone else.
After making sure that everyone had been left a message he ran to props and grabbed a Polaroid camera and stole the sleeping Studio guards L.A. Times. He then raced back to where Steven was holding Ashlee.
When he walked in he saw Steven sitting behind the lone computer, signing on to be a member of Pretendfic under the name pissedoffcreator@nbc.thepretender.com.
"Steven?" Craig asked. "Don't you think that that name gives away a little to much?"
Craig flinched when Steven whirled on him.
"No, no I don't! Do you think there's a problem?"
"N…no Steven."
"Good. Now I want you to take a picture of me standing over the girl holding the paper, and make sure the date of the paper can be seen."
"Y…yes Steven."
Steven stood behind Ashlee, holding the paper in front of her chest. Ashlee was about to punch Steven in the jaw, after getting the ropes loose enough to pull out an arm, when she felt something sharp under her chin, and she froze.
"Don't do anything stupid, one slip and your dead."
"Oookay." Ashlee said, still as could be.
***
Ashlee's House
Ashlee's mom was pacing franticly as the state police questioned her, as they had been for hours. Finally one realized that she had a computer and started it. He started with My Documents and noticed all the weird titles. He tried to open them, but they were all blocked by passwords. He exited the room and went back to talk to her mother.
"Mrs. Lau..." Ashlee's mom glared at him.
"I've told you and every other slow incompetent putz here I am *not* a Lau! Call me Lorrene."
"Okay, Lorrene, your daughter has blocked all of her files with passwords. Do you know what those files are?" The state trooper asked. His tag named him Maki.
"Those are her stories. She spent hours in there just writing." Lorrene was pacing the living room, a hand over her stomach and another on her forehead.
"Do you know what they were about."
"Some television show…the Pretence? The…I don't know, it started with a P."
"The Profiler?" said Maki, but Lorrene shook her head. "The Pretender?"
Lorrene's eyes lit up.
"Yeah that's the one. She wrote stories about that."
"Do you know if she had them posted?"
"She said something about she had posted a story."
Maki smiled at her.
"Thank you."
He headed back to the computer in Ashlee's room and logged onto the Internet and went to History, only to find that it had all been deleted.
"Damn." he said, and then clicked on 'Favorites'. He scrolled down the list until he found it. He clicked on the one entitled 'Pretender FanFiction Archive'. After the site loaded he clicked on stories by author and then on A, until he saw the name Ashlee and clicked on that. He found a list of stories she had written. They matched the titles on the ones in her 'My Documents'. Nothing extraordinary, and nothing that would give any clue to her whereabouts.
"Damn" he swore again.
He was at yet another dead end.
***
Now that Steven was a member of Pretendfic, he started reading messages, but was interrupted by a new message. He laughed as he read it. He turned to Ashlee and smiled wickedly.
"Everyone seems to think that you've been playing them for a fool!" He laughed evilly again, and he started to compose his own message. After attaching the picture that he had just taken he sent it out.
***
Gables House
Gables was lying on her bed, her laptop screen glowing, as she logged onto her e-mail account. Before she could open her first message a new one arrived, the name shocked her, and she clicked on the name 'Hostage Taker', and read.
Subject: Fair Warning
I, Steven Long Mitchell, and my co-creator, Craig VanSickle, have taken a hostage to warn all of you to stop violating mine and Craig's rights…We present to you an ultimatum: Stop writing fan fiction or you will never hear from Ashlee again.
Steven and Craig
Gables scrolled down and looked at the picture. Indeed it WAS Ashlee and that was Steve over her and that was today's paper. She didn't know what to say, especially after her response to her letter about Craig and Steve coming over. She had to do something, but what? Just then another message was received and she clicked on it.
To: pretendfic@egroups.com, pissedoffcreators@nbc.thepretender.com
Subject: RE: Fair Warning
Ashlee, we're not stupid, we know you're using a scanner!
Ce'Nedra
Gables quickly hit reply.
Subject: Ce'Nedra, regarding scanner
I hate to break this to everyone but Ashlee doesn't even know how to work a scanner. She got mad at it and packed it away months ago.
Gables
Then it hit her; she knew Ashlee's address. She got onto Yahoo and ran a telephone search on the address and proved victorious. She quickly dialed the number
After two rings someone picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi this is Gables…" Before she could finish the woman on the other line gasped.
"*You* are Gables? The one Ashlee's been writing to? Where is she?"
"She's missing?" Gables asked, realizing that it was true.
"Yes!! She's missing!"
"I'm sorry." Gables quickly hung up and thanked the X-Files for making her paranoid enough that she had the presence of mind to dial *67 to prevent any caller ID from picking up her number. She logged back on and wrote another message.
Subject: It's true
I just called Ashlee's house, and she is missing. Her mother sounded frantic. Steven and Craig are listening in. Anyone willing to talk, write me.
Gables
Steven looked on smiling as the messages began to pile up about his little threat. Craig looked a little sick to his stomach, and Ashlee knew that Steven had just made a big mistake, a really, really, *really* big mistake. She smiled. Never underestimate Pretender fandom.
***
Andrea and Michael arrived at the Studio and walked up to the sleeping Guard.
"Ralph." The man continued to sleep, so Andrea spoke a little louder. "Ralph." Still no response. "Ralph!" she yelled, and he sat up straight.
"Ye…yes Miss Parker?" Michael smiled at the way he said it. This guy could be John Greis' back up.
"Have Steven and Craig been here?" She asked nicely.
"Uh, yeah, actually they've been here all night. They came in late last night according to Bob, the night shift guard."
"Thanks." Michael said as he pulled Andrea off to the side. "Well, should we go or talk to them?"
"Craig sounded scared, I think we should go talk to them." Andrea said, then grabbed his hand and pulled him after her. "We're gunna go talk to them, okay Ralph?"
"Sure Miss Parker. Go ahead."
Michael let himself be pulled for a while, not quite sure where she was headed.
"Andrea, where are we going?" He asked after they had walked down a maze of dark hallways that he was unfamiliar with.
"Steven has a private study down here that no one supposed to know about. I bet he's in there." She stopped abruptly in front of him, and he almost walked into her back. "Do you hear that?" she whispered.
Michael listened carefully and heard something like: "It sounds like laughter…like that of a cheesy super-villain." He whispered back.
"I know! Let's go see who that is!" Andrea and Michael sneaked as quietly as possible to the door. They listened carefully.
"It's working Craig! Soon they will stop stealing our characters, and realize that we know what is best for them!! How dare they mock my writing ability with their…their…spoofs!" The voice was familiar to both. They recognized it as Steven's. His words were followed by evil laughter that caused them both to shiver.
"But Steven, what are we going to do about Ashlee? They know you kidnapped her now."
"Craig, you moron, we're rich!!!! They'll never catch us, and no one on a jury will convict us!"
"Uh guys," came an unfamiliar voice. "Would you be so kind as to allow me to use the facilities?" They heard some scuffling and then footsteps heading towards the door. Andrea and Michael looked around franticly.
As the footfalls came closer and closer to the door, Michael saw their way out. He grabbed Andrea by the arm and dragged her into a doorway hidden in the shadows of the barely lit hallway. They stood close together, each able to feel the breath of the other on their body, but too concerned about the situation at hand to notice. They heard the door squeak open and then shut and footsteps heading away from them down the corridor. Neither had the courage to stick out their head and peek at the hostage.
Finally the footsteps faded, and Andrea looked up into Michael's eyes.
"Steven's off his rocker!"
***
As Craig walked Ashlee down the corridor she contemplated her next move. Steven was defiantly a psychopath, no doubt about it. Craig was her only hope; maybe she could talk him into letting her go.
"So Craig," she started. "What's up with Steven? He's acting a little strange."
Craig looked at her sadly.
"He doesn't like fan fiction, he thinks it's demeaning to his writing ability. But I like it!! I live for that stuff!" He looked down at his feet. "But Steven says it's stupid."
"Fan fiction is great! Besides who says Steven is always right? Why can't you be right?" Ashlee asked, thinking that she had finally found her way out.
However, her plan backfired.
"Of course Steven is always right! Look where he's gotten us!! I'm further than I ever thought I could be all because of Steven! Steven is my hero!" Craig looked like he was getting mad so Ashlee stopped and did what she left to do…she went to the bathroom.
***
After waiting for everyone who didn't have ICQ to download it, Gables finally managed to get everyone into a large chat.
Gables: All right. What should we do?
Mary Ellen: Well, we have to help her.
Daniel :-): to stop writing fan fiction is out of the question!
Krystal: Well we might not have a choice!! It's either fan fiction or a person. We can't leave in the hands of a crazed writer because of that!
Barbara Pohl has joined the chat
Barbara: what's going on, is that picture for real?!
Ce'Nedra: it looks that way.
Gables: *nod*
Chris: Steven's lost his marbles
Rachel: He's a few bricks short of a load
Chuck: the lights are on, but nobody's home
Krystal: sanity isn't his strong point
Gables: A nice padded room somewhere is empty
Danielle :-): insanity has found a new bed-buddy
Mary Ellen: okay okay!! We get the point. We need a plan!
Barbara: Well, I'm on vacation in L.A., maybe I can get to one of the cast members, show them the pic, and see if they will help!
Gables: But what about the rest of us? I suppose I can convince mom and dad that I need to go to L.A.
Ce'Nedra: I can't get there for a couple days.
Chuck: I have some paid vacation coming.
Krystal: Well, I'm in New York now, on holiday with my parents. I'll see if I can convince them we need to go to L.A.
Daniel :-): Anything to meet ANDREA!!!!!
Mary Ellen: I'll convince my company that we need parts from there and I need to look at it.
Daniel :-): and to save Ashlee…of course!
Mary Ellen: than it's set we'll meet in L.A…when? Where?
Chris: how about two days at Andrea Parker's? well outside if we can't get in.
Daniel :-): I think I'm gunna faint!!
Barbara: Don't worry guys, I'll convince her!
Gables: All right then, it's settled. We meet in two days! We'll formulate a plan of action then!
After saying their good bye's everyone one logged off and went to beg the appropriate people, buy plane tickets, or bribe/convince anyone that needed it.
***
Ashlee was sitting back in the chair once again tied up listening to Steven's crazed ramblings.
"They'll see, they'll all see!!! I am the creator, the Pretender God! Nobody messes with my creations and gets away with it!" He typed franticly and then hit the print button. After the first page printed he began to laugh evilly and shook the papers under Ashlee's nose. "Do you see this? Ha! This is all of your satanistic fan fiction!!" He threw in the garbage followed by a lit match and laughed evilly again as the fire cast menacing shadows across his face, only causing the laughter to sound more frightening. Never again will fanfic writers feel safe!" he declared throwing a fist in the air to emphasis his words. "I will have a monopoly on the Pretender market and once again all will bow down to me!! Bwahahahaha!!!"
Craig sat in a chair in far corner, not seeming to hear any of this, but sulking in his own self pity. Ashlee recognized this and once again realized that Craig was still her only hope…well not her only hope, she still had the people at Pretendfic. She hoped that someone had decided to help her after Steven had sent out that message. In fact, from the despondent look on his face, she now realized that getting through to him would be near impossible. Her life was in the hands of people she had never met.
***
After hearing the people re-enter the room, Michael and Andrea decided that they needed to get out of there and formulate a plan. They immediately considered calling the police, but realized all the publicity that would follow, something both didn't want to happen.
They decided to head back to Andrea's and attempt to concoct a plan. Just as they had poured some wine and were sitting down to draw out a plan, someone knocked on her door. Andrea had refused to get guards, and had instead installed a state of the art alarm system, so anybody was free to walk up to door. Andrea looked over at Michael confused, excused herself and answered the door.
A girl stood before her wearing jeans and T-shirt with a laptop bag hanging from her shoulder and a determined look on her face.
"Hello, Miss Parker?" the girl asked, her words laced with a German accent. "My name is Barbara Pohl. May I came in?"
Andrea looked at her shocked, but nodded. This girl looked like she had something important to say.
Meanwhile Barbara was barely containing her excitement. She had just met Andrea Parker, as in Miss Parker, as in Ice Queen, as in the Pretender!! Her favorite character! As she followed Miss…er Andrea into the living room, she just about keeled over. Michael T. Weiss was sitting in Andrea Parker's Living room!! This was too great to be true!! Her two favorite characters in one room? What more could she ask for. Keep cool Barbara, you're here on business!! Play it cool!!
Barbara nodded her head in recognition of Michael and sat her laptop on the table. Still attempting to remain cool. Okay, this is me Barbara Pohl, Pretender. These are people who need me, I am not infatuated with them, they are normal people. After a pep talk she was ready to continue.
"Something has happened to one of our friends, and we were hoping you could help." She then proceeded by asking Andrea to use her phone line, and she got into her email.
"How can we help?" Asked Michael, trying to see who the mail was from, but before he could do so she clicked on it. A picture of Steven standing over a younger woman came up. "I think you know that man, and that girl's name is Ashlee. We thought that since you knew Steven you could help us get inside to save her." Barbara said, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
"What's all this 'we' stuff? Who else is there?" Andrea asked.
Barbara smiled.
"We are all members of a group called Pretendfic, where we write and read fan fiction pertaining to the Pretender. Ashlee happens to be an author, and that's why we think he took her."
Suddenly it hit Michael.
"So that girl, down in the basement, that was Ashlee!!" He exclaimed looking at Andrea, shock clearly dominated his features.
"Oh my God!! It must have been!!" She looked back towards Barbara. "Is there anyway you can get more of these people here to help?"
Barbara smiled, finally making eye contact.
"They're on their way. We meet in a little less than two days."
***
Jamie Denton's Residence
Jamie was standing in the middle of a crowd of people who were preparing the dinner party he was about to throw. He had already contacted Harve Presnell, John Greis, Patrick Bauchau, and Richard Marcus. He would have invited the others, but they were all out of town. Now the only people left to invite where Michael and Andrea. He picked up his phone and dialed.
"Hello?" came the worried voice of Andrea.
"Hey Sis," he grinned. He loved calling her that off stage, just to tease her. However, it didn't work.
"What is it Jamie?"
"Is everything all right?"
"Actually, I think there's something you need to see…"
"Well, why don't you bring it over and come to my dinner party. Dad, Raines, Syd and Broots will be there!" he grinned again knowing that this would bring a smile to her face. This time his mission was accomplished.
"Sure, I'll get Michael, and we'll have another guest."
"Sure, see you in ten." They both hung up.
***
Ashlee's back was starting to hurt and her stomach starting to growl. This day would probably have to go down in her 'worst day ever' category. She hadn't spoken since Craig had been kind enough to escort her to the bathroom. Steven had decided to rest, and Craig had left to get food. So Ashlee contemplated her next move. The knots were impossible to untie, so there was no hope in that. If only she could be certain that someone at Pretendfic was working to save her!! She was about to try to scoot over to the table when Steven sat up. He looked around confused before standing and walking over to his hostage.
"Hey Steven." Ashlee said, getting his attention. "I just thought of something. Didn't NBC cancel your show?"
Steven looked shocked for a moment, but after a moment the comment sunk in and his face turned red.
"NBC?! N.B.C?" he asked, enunciating each letter. "How dare you mention that!! Those people at NBC are morons!! They don't realize my talent, my potential! They are the vermin and I am the cat!! They are the sidewalk and I am the shoe! I can walk all over them!! They fear me!!"
"So why did they fire you?" Ashlee asked calmly, enjoying Steven's anger.
"They didn't fire me! I am God!! We came to an agreement! I decided we should leave!! ME!! ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!" Then he once again began the evil laughter that we have all become accustomed to.
"You know, that evil laughter is getting a little old." Ashlee stated, trying to sound bored.
Steven turned and glared at her.
"Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view, however, I don't give a rat's ass, so either you shut up or you meet my dear friend Mr. Duct Tape."
Ashlee shut up and waited for the Pizza.
***
Everyone was gathered around the dinner table watching Barbara's computer, mouths agape.
"I can't believe Steven would do this!" Harve exclaimed, truly shocked.
"We saw him ourselves, well heard him. He sounded like a crazed man!" Michael said, also gazing at the picture.
"We have to do something!" Jamie exclaimed, stopping his pacing momentarily and looking at the group around the computer. "Steven's close to the edge!"
Barbara looked at all of them.
"We wait until the others arrive, we formulate a plan, and we get her out." She rubbed her hands together in anticipation of the rescue.
***
2 Days Later
Ashlee was still sitting in the chair, but her hopes of being rescued were slowly becoming less and less likely to come true. She knew that she was either going to kill herself if she had to keep listening to Steven trade off between his ramblings and his evil laughter, or she was going to find a way to bust out. Quite frankly, she was debating on how to do both. She sighed, and hoped her mom was okay.
***
"What do you mean you have nothing?! It's been two days? What's wrong with you people? My baby's out there with some lunatic and you have NOTHING????"
Another state trooper came over to Lorrene and shooed away the poor local sheriff who had been the target of her anger.
"Ma'am it might help things if you would calm down and try to be a little nicer. We're all under a little stress here. We want to find your daughter as much as you do."
Lorrene spun on him, and poked a finger in his chest, looking remarkably like Miss Parker when she's mad. She spoke calmly, but pointedly.
"I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter." And with that she walked away.
***
It took a while, but eventually everyone from Pretendfic was gathered in Andrea Parker's house, along with Michael, John, and Jamie. Surprisingly, everyone played it cool and got down to business.
Ce'Nedra, Chuck and Jamie were all typing franticly on computers looking for floor plans and the like, while the rest divided into rescue teams. Team one consisted of Gables, Danielle, Andrea (by Danielle's demanding) Ce'Nedra, Krystal and Michael. Team two was to consist of Mary Ellen, Barbara, Chuck, Jamie and John. The two teams, after getting the floor plans from the computer, had decided to approach from two angles. Team one would take the door, while team two would come through the vents above the office. After having made their plans, they decided to relax, and make their move at 2 a.m. the next day.
After a while everyone was sitting on the furniture, a conversation started to brew. Gables started off by talking about a new fic that had just been posted on the group, one she had particularly enjoyed, called 'Darkness Consumes'.
"What did you guys think of the plot line?"
"Personally," Marry Ellen started, "I think it was great. I'm not usually for the 'get-some-and-run' stories, but this one had something different that appealed to me."
"I liked the fact that Miss Parker finally realized the truth and did something about it, but I hate shipper stories! Ugh! The way they got together was realistic, but it made me sick. I don't care what anyone says, they do *not* belong together!"
Krystal gaped openly.
"How can you say that? Have you *seen* them in the same room?!?! It's *filled* with UST!!"
While the debate continued Andrea tried not to look embarrassed. She had written that story after one bored night when she joined a group on the Internet, 'Pretendfic'. The one that they said Steven had posted his story. She usually checked her mail every night, but she had been busy the last few days, and hadn't had a chance. From the way they were talking, she would be responding to a whole lot of feedback. She looked up and caught Michael's eye. He stared at her, and realized her secret within a minute. They both tuned back into the 'shipper discussion', only to find it had changed courses.
"So then why would they part, what happened between them?"
Danielle, who was over on her e-mail account on the spare computer let out an angry:
"What the hell? She killed Miss Parker?!"
"What are you talking about?" Gables asked turning to face her.
"I'm talking about seriously reconsidering saving Ashlee!!"
"What??" They all exclaimed unanimously.
"Did you read The Price We Pay? She kills Miss Parker! She knows how much I like her!! Urg."
Chuck, who had wisely stayed out of the shipper debate, looked at her.
"You do know that it's just a story, right?"
"Yeah, I know, small overreaction, sorry. Anyway…" Danielle shut down the computer and approached the crush of her life…Andrea Parker. She sat as close to her as possible and smiled.
***
Ashlee, stilled tied to a chair, was watching Steven check his mail. Just then a message from KB appeared. Ashlee grinned as Steven read it, and his face grew red.
To: pissedoffcreators@nbc.thepretender.com
Subject: Steven and Craig are dumb asses!!!!
Steven and Craig,
I knew you guys had issues, but kidnapping? How unoriginal! My senile grandmother could have thought of something better! Seriously, do you think you aren't going to get caught? Hmmm, well with your unoriginality, I'm willing to bet that you also think that because you're rich, you can either get away, or buy the jury off. Oh, and is that cheesy B-horror movie villains I hear laughing? Hmmm.
KB
By now Ashlee was laughing hysterically, despite of the evil glare that Steven was giving her. She couldn't help it. Steven was completely red and looked as though he was going to chuck the computer up against the wall. Instead he replied to the message.
To: Katherine Bruce <gekbruce@melbpc.org.au>
Subject: Inaccurate Assumptions
KB,
I'd like to inform you that your not so accurate statements have only resulted in worsening your fellow Pretendfic writer's condition. Tsk tsk, for a writer you sure don't seem to understand cause and effect.
Steven
Before he could receive a reply, he shut down the computer and stared at Ashlee. Then looked at his watch.
"12 a.m. It's been almost four days and no one has come for you, and no more of that vile fan fiction has been posted." He grinned evilly as he held up Ashlee's face so she was forced to look him in the eye. "They have bowed under my power. You are nothing, and they realize that!!" He laughed evilly and raised a victorious fist in the air. "The Pretender throne has been restored to its rightful king!!"
Ashlee looked at him incredulously, and mumbled,
"I think the Planter's Nut, just found a new best friend."
***
Everyone was gathered outside the Studio, where they knew Steven and Craig were holding Ashlee hostage. They silently split up into they teams and headed to where they were supposed to be: Team one would take the hall, get to the door and wait until team two was in position in the vents, then they would storm the door, while team two descended from the vents. An overall easy plan.
Team one arrived at the door and Ce'Nedra took out a small hand held computer and waited until the dot arrived at the appropriate spot. She clicked a button on the computer that would send an instant message to the computer that Chuck held, letting him know they were headed in. She gave the signal and the stormed the door. It flung open, and they toppled in, looking a bit foolish and uncoordinated as they all ended up in a pile of arms and legs on the floor. At the same time the vent cover came crashing down followed by a startled John who crashed unceremoniously to the floor and looked up shocked. Jamie yelled down to him to ask if he was okay.
Amidst all of this distraction, Steven had found the time to untie Ashlee and was dragging her out the door, a steak knife to her neck. Craig had gone out for Chinese before this whole fiasco, so when everyone in the room was coordinated again, no one was there.
"Damn it!" Jamie swore. "Where the hell are they? They were just here!!"
Mary Ellen made the connections and looked at everyone.
"While we were distracted they must have escaped!"
Just then they heard a blood-curdling scream. They exchanged looks and all ran towards the noise.
Steven had dragged Ashlee to the sound studio. While there Ashlee had decided to try to break free, and a struggle ensued. Ashlee elbowed him in the stomach, and he loosened his grip on her and she spun free, only to feel a fist connect with her jaw. Not taking the time to think, she reached behind her for something to use as a weapon, but she ended up accidentally pushing a button, that let forth a blood-curdling scream. She saw Steven cringe at the noise, and took that opportunity to hit him one more time and run like hell.
She ran for a while, with no sound of pursuit. She heard a couple voices yelling behind her, and then she heard a door slam open and footsteps running after her. She took a blind turn and found herself in wardrobe. She saw the section marked 'Jarod' and ran over, hiding amongst the long overcoats.
"Damn," she whispered, "I never knew Jarod had this many outfits." She smelt one and nearly died. It smelled like cologne!
Her thoughts were stopped as she heard footsteps and recognized the out of fashion loafers worn only by one man: Steven. As she hid quietly, she realized she needed to go to the bathroom. 'Why is it,' she thought, 'that whenever you hide, you always have to use the bathroom?'
Ashlee was so busy thinking that she didn't see the feet stop in front of her or the jackets being pulled apart. She only looked up when she heard Steven say: "Gotchya!"
Ashlee looked at him scared, but kept her voice nonchalant as she stood.
"Oh *there* you are Steven!! I've been looking all over for you!!" Before Steven could grab her again, she saw a figure blur by her and tackle Steven like a NFL left tackle. She watched as they slid across the dressing room floor, and stop. The man got off of him, and only then did she realize who it was.
"Oh. My. God. Michael T. Weiss?!?!"
Just then everyone else piled into the room, realizing they missed all of the action. They each muttered curses under their breath and grumbled about it while Michael made sure Steven was alive.
Everyone was once again back at Andrea's house, now relaxed and safe.
"Well, the psychiatric hospital has Steven under a seventy-two hour observation before his evaluation, Craig agreed to counselling and it seems the world is once again safe." said Michael, sipping on a hot cup of coffee.
"I still don't know how to thank you all. I mean, you guys paid for plane tickets, took time off, came here and all to save me from some mentally unstable writer." Ashlee said from her position on the couch.
There was a pause as they all thought about this and then Andrea smiled.
"I know how to though!!"
***
One week Later
Nearly four hundred people were standing in the Studio where the previous events had taken place. They were all mingling around, getting to know the people they knew only through the wonders of e-mail, and of course, chatting with the guests of honor: Andrea Parker, Michael T. Weiss, Harve Presnell, Jamie Denton, John Greis, Pamela Gidley, Richard Marcus, Patrick Bauchau, Alex Waxo, Ryan Merriman, and Ashley Peldon.
All the members of Pretendfic had been flown in to meet their favorite characters, discuss the show, and have a fundraiser to save it. Ashlee grinned widely to see all of these people looking so ecstatic. She was going to have to thank everyone for their support. She smiled, shook her head, and joined the crowed.
***
The Psychiatric Hospital
In white padded room, manned with cameras, stood a man. As we look at him on a television monitor we see him struggle with his straight jacket and throw himself against the walls. After a few moments he stops and glares into the camera.
"You will pay!! All of you will!! Bwahahahahaha!! I will have my revenge, and you will suffer my wrath! Bow down before me for I am the Pretender God!! Bwaaaahahahahahaha!!"
Those who liked it raise your hand. Those who didn't like it raise your hand…What the hell are you raising your hand for? I can't see you!! Write and tell me at….