Disclaimer: I don't own them, no matter how much I want to, I just don't. Maybe one day when Steve and Craig get desperate for cash we can strike a deal, but until then no Pretender soup for me.
Author's Note: This is my first fic in a very long time and is in response to the Picture Challenge by A. Hey maybe this is an end to my writers-block-itis!!!
Title: Mirror Images
Author: Ashlee
Authors e-mail: zyp959@hotmail.com
Rating: G - no naughty words here
Catagory: Jarod Angst, poor baby :(
Series/Sequel: nope
Spoilers: Would I do that?? No, no Spoilers
Summery: Jarod takes a long look in the mirror.
"Mirror
Images"
By Ashlee
I step up to the grimy mirror that hangs above the sink in this less than sanitary hotel room and try to wipe it clean with a towel, to no avail. Sure I could have afforded better, but part of this Pretend was to appear poor and this hazardous waste dump the manager called a hotel room was the result. Finally after some soap, water, and a whole lot of elbow grease the mirror is clean enough so that I can see to shave. But as I bring the razor to my face I stop. Slowly I raise my hand and touch my chin, stroking the stubble there. And as I look into my own eyes I see a change – something that wasn't there four years ago. I look tired, worn and maybe even…it couldn't be. But as I lean closer I can barely keep myself from crying. The one emotion that I had tried so hard to keep from feeling, the one emotion that I never wanted to enter my life, and yet here it was staring at me through the mirror, almost mocking me in a way.
The look in my eyes was the one that I had seen so often in Sydney's eyes while I was growing up. A loathing for the evil that seemed to seep into every crack and crinkle of his face, and here it was invading me. It it's currently residing in my eyes, but I have no doubt that it will slowly spread over my face like a cancer, taking away any appearance of happiness. I had always felt so bad for Sydney, how he seemed to despise what was going on and couldn't stop it. So I had dedicated my freedom to helping others, but somehow I got lost along the way and the thing that I was trying to stop became a part of me. Wasn't it once said that in order to understand a monster, you have to become one? Maybe that's what happened to me and Syd. In our quest to stop evil, maybe we became it. That loathing in our eyes was that of the monster we had tried to beat down growing inside of us.
I managed to hate the world that I'm trying to protect. It hits me hard. How could this have happened? I sit half-heartedly atop the toilet seat and rest my arms across my knees. How can this be? I want to help the innocent.
But the innocents aren't innocent.
What? Of course they're innocent. The children…
You mean the children that are stealing?
But they don't have a choice!
Of course they have a choice, we all have choices.
I realize then that it's not the world I'm mad at and loath, but myself. I realized that I've made the wrong choice, that I've been helping the wrong people, using them to make me feel better about my own failures. What I should be doing, what I should have been doing from the start, was helping those that meant the most to me, like Miss Parker, Angelo, Syd and even Broots.
I stand and look in the mirror again, my mind made up to make the right choice now and save the people that mean the most to me, and for a fleeting second I swear I see a younger Sydney looking at back at me. As I turn I even see him smiling a relieved smile. I've learned my lesson Syd, and while it may be too late for you, I'm not going to let that happen to me. I quickly grab my coat and leave, forgetting all about shaving.