Disclaimer : See Part One
Title - Chance of a Lifetime
Author - KB
E-mail address - gekbruce@melbpc.org.au
Rating - G (with angst)
Category - Drama/Alternate Universe
Spoilers - N/A
Series/Sequel - Part 8 of Total Recall
Summary - There's a new player in the game...
"Chance of a
Lifetime"
By KB
Time had stood still since Jennifer's impassioned plea. She had backed away from the bed and now stood leaning against a wall, trying to gain strength from its sturdiness. Her eyes flickered around the room and she was numbly surprised to see that it had been more than two hours since the doctor had spoken to her. A sound in the corridor drew her eyes to the internal window and she watched as a figure, sheet completely covering the body, was wheeled past on a trolley. 'Jarod's taller than that,' she thought vaguely, 'so the sheet will have to be bigger'. The thought did not seem harsh or out of place. She waited for her mind to scream that he was still alive and needed her to fight for him but the thought never came and she realised that his death seemed suddenly almost inevitable. Her mind was suddenly full of the idea but the peace she had been expecting was not immediately forthcoming. She stumbled forward and slipped her hand into Jarod's non-responsive one. Leaning down she whispered into his ear the phrases that formed in her mind.
"It's okay, if you want to go. Don't stay for us. We'll miss you, but we'll be okay. You do what you want to do, but always remember that I love you with all my heart and soul."
***
Sydney closed the door and slowly sat down in the chair beside the bed. He had been counting the days since the phone call that had first brought him to the hospital. Seventeen days and still no change. He was certain, in his own mind, that something would happen. It was just a matter of time. No matter what the doctors or anyone else thought, Jarod would eventually open his eyes and life could get back to normal. It was impossible to think otherwise. His eyes followed the screen, where the green line rose and fell, accompanied by the monotonous beeping of the machines. He half turned as the door opened, hopeful for a new face from those that had been gathered around the bed for the previous two weeks, although he would not have been unable to say who, had he been asked. The slight figure was a disappointment and, as Margaret approached the bed, he turned back and recommenced his examination of the wan features before him.
"How is he?"
"The same, as far as I can tell. When the doctor came in he...there's no change." Sydney swallowed the harsh sentence which the physician had been forced to utter and which the loving mother had missed by virtue of having been forcibly made to sleep in a room down the hallway for a short time.
"Do you think he will...ever...?" The words choked the mother's throat as the eyes tried to take in as much of the face, which she had only just begun to get to know, as possible before it was torn away from her by the forthcoming separation. Sydney stood up and put a hand on her shoulder.
"We can only hope. I'm sure that he wouldn't leave - if he didn't have to. But maybe we need to wait and see."
***
Jennifer entered Miss Parker's room with such a look of desperate sorrow, mixed with a sort of resignation, on her face that Miss Parker feared that a cessation of life had occurred within the building and the sharp sentences which had formed on her tongue dissolved before she had a chance to verbalise them.
"What...is he...?"
"Not yet, although I'm not entirely sure why you care." Miss Parker jumped at the bitterness in the tone.
"Do you really think that I wouldn't care?"
"Yes I do." Jennifer, for the first time, faced the figure on the bed and Miss Parker felt uncomfortable as she saw the eyes staring into her with such as expression of disgust and repulsion that Miss Parker wondered that there had ever been any friendship between them.
"Why would you care? All you've ever done is to try and repel any attempt he ever made to be friendly towards you. He's given you everything that you could have needed to break away and have a good and happy life, but you throw it all back in his face. I hope you realise that you're partly responsible for what happened to him and I wonder how you can even live with yourself!"
Jennifer spat out the last sentences and turned, abruptly leaving the room. Miss Parker, to her surprise, could think of nothing to say in her own defence. There was truth in the statements, she silently acknowledged, although it hurt to realise it.
***
Later that night, as Jennifer lay in the bed, two doors down from the room where Jarod lay, she regretted the words. They came, she knew, from anger but it wasn't justified anger. It wasn't Miss Parker's fault that they were in the situation. She had contributed to it, beyond doubt, but there was no direct responsibility. As she turned these thoughts over in her head, the door to her room silently opened, a crack of light widening over her bed. She sat up and watched as the two figures came in and one ran over to the bed and pulled himself up onto it.
"He was having a nightmare," explain Emily, somewhat unnecessarily considering Kyle's agitation.
"What happened, darling?"
"Momma, is Daddy ever going to wake up again?" The words were quite clear, despite his age and the fact that his face was buried in her shoulder. She put up a trembling hand and stroked his head.
"I...don't know," she replied honestly. "But maybe, if we ask God, he will."
"Promise?"
"I don't promise because I never make a promise that I can't keep. And if he doesn't wake up, then we'll know that God needed him more than we did. Remember how we talked about it last night." The little boy nodded and slipped him thumb into his mouth, but a look from his mother and he whipped it out again and gave a small smile.
"I wanted to see if you would remember."
"And remember what Daddy said would happen if you sucked your thumb?"
"Yup." He smiled at his aunt. "He gave me a present when I stopped." Emily smiled at him and, in the half darkness, he couldn't see the tears that glistened in her eyes. Jennifer knew they were there, though. "Now, will you go to bed and not worry any more. Even if God does take him, we'll still have each other, right?"
"Uh huh, and the new baby."
"That's right." She kissed him on the top of the head and he scrambled off the bed. "Good night, precious. She watched as he left the room and then Emily came over and sat on the bed beside her.
"Do you really believe that? The things you said to him?"
Jennifer looked at her.
"I don't say things to him that I don't mean. And I certainly wouldn't not tell him what might happen. It will be a terrible shock for him if...when Jarod dies. I couldn't bear it if he went through the whole of his life resenting me because I didn't tell him that his father was dying. I might have to bring up one child with no living memory of a father. I don't want to have to do it for two of them."
Emily got up from the bed.
"I want you to know...how much I respect you for that." She was gone before Jennifer could respond so she lay down again to try and sleep.
***
The next disturbance was, she knew, not reality. For one thing, Jarod sat on the bed beside her and was holding a newborn baby in his arms. A baby, she knew, that belonged to him. He leant over and brushed away the tears that she felt spilling down her cheeks as she watched him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when Kyle was born. And if I can't be there when the other member of our family comes into the world, I'm sorry for that too. But most of all, I'm sorry to have to leave you. I don't want to. You know that."
"I know." The words that came from her mouth were soft and seemed detached. But the feeling that swept through her like an incoming tide was unmistakable. If he did go, she knew, suddenly, that they would be all right without him.
"I love you."
"I know. I've always know that."
***
Lyle lay on the bed, his hands locked tightly behind his head. Lying like that eased the pain, although he couldn't explain why. He knew that the suffering was his own fault, but he was determined that if he couldn't have a proper life, then he didn't want one at all. It was his decision but, as usual, he needed someone to blame and that person was, as usual, Jarod. Raines, in a moment of spiteful glee, had revealed the truth about Lyle's current position, including the person who had been the source of the operation which he had undergone, as well as designing the room in which, revealed Raines, Lyle was now permanently enclosed. It had been then that Lyle had finally realised that there would be no new life, and that the burdens he had recently adopted would be unable to simply fade away. Life would not ever return to normal and therefore, Lyle had decided, it was not worth living. His days, as the pain increased and breathing became more laboured as his body rejected the new organ, were filled with thoughts of those who had done him wrongs in his life.
***
Jennifer stood at the window and watched as the young man, a mirror image of the figure who remained senseless on the bed, walked with her young son along one of the many paths which surrounded the hospital. She was grateful that people were willing to take him outdoors and give him time away from the hospital bed. Sydney had begun to give him basic schooling and although he was not yet three, his reading and writing skills, to no-one's surprise, were at a much higher level. She brushed a weary hand over her eyes and swept hair away from her face. A sigh escaped her lips, betraying the exhaustion that was written in the many small lines, which were newly inscribed, on her face. The room was quieter now, as the respirator had been removed. After four days, the doctors had admitted that it would be best for nature to take its course and none of the family gathered had any idea of whether he would still be alive whenever they re-entered the room. The burden was drawing the group slowly together and Jennifer, rather than feel that she would lose her support when he died, now realised that a group would happily share the burden of the forthcoming child. She sighed again and, as a tear slipped down her cheek, to be lost in the hair which lay in curls on her shoulders, an echo of the sigh made her turn slowly towards the bed. It was obvious to her that the moment had come, and that the change was inevitable. Her heart wept but her eyes dried as she took a place in the seat beside the bed and took the dearly beloved hand in hers. A sudden movement of that hand in her own, as well as a sudden change in the rhythm, until now so regular, of the heart monitor, prompted her to draw the hand to her cheek and then softly dust it with her lips. Her eyes were fixed on his face, waiting for the peace of death to appear on the features, but instead a movement appeared. Startled, Jennifer dropped the hand and, overturning the chair in her action, backed to the far side of the room. The sound seemed to hurry the movement that had begun and, as the eyelids began to flicker, Jennifer unconsciously held her breath and clasped both hands tightly in front of her until the knuckles were white.
***
Pictures flashed through Lyle's mind; images of those he believed to have contributed to the destruction of his life. With each gasp for air, another image appeared and all seemed to taunt him. The substitute parents he had never known or could not remember. The first set of foster parents, who had taught him the way in which he would always live his life and who had subjected him to the madness and torture which continued to haunt him. The adoptive parents whose lives had ended at his hands, as revenge against their attempts to change him and make him innocent and naive like themselves. He paused to remember the satisfaction he had felt when they died at his hands. The next face that appeared in his mind was that of the woman with the glowing red hair, who had been a cause of so much unhappiness in his life. His attempts to tame her and make her his own had failed and it was for this reason that he had always been determined to destroy as many women as possible. His next image, of another woman and this time of his sister, caused him to grind his teeth and clench his fists to rid himself of his anger in the only way left to him. This train of thought brought him to the Pretender. He had, he knew, never underestimated the genius. It was the inept assistance that he had received which had been the cause of failure.
***
As Jarod's eyelids lifted and his vision cleared, he could see Jennifer standing on the far side of the room, her hands together in front of her. 'She looks older', his mind thought vaguely and he watched as she gradually approached him.
"Jarod?" The words were a whisper, barely audible, but Jarod heard them. He struggled to open his mouth and speak but a weight appeared to hold him down and his face became full of a panicked expression as he realised that he couldn't move.
"It's okay, sweetheart." She took his hand and gradually stroked his face with her other hand. "I know, but I'll explain it to you, I promise."
He tried to show that he understood, but a feeling of exhaustion swept over him and he didn't have the strength to fight it.
***
Jennifer gently put his hand back on the bed and took a step back. Her knees trembled and she would have fallen except for a figure behind that steadied her by placing a strong hand on either shoulder.
"S...Sydney?" She spoke the words as she turned and buried her face in his shoulder. His own tears ran down his face and into her hair and he gently wrapped his arms around her as the emotion came out. At this point the doctor quietly entered the room and walked over to his patient. After giving him a rapid examination, he turned to the other occupants of the room and ushered them quietly out. The group was gathered in his office and he took a piece of paper out of the folder that lay in front of him and put it on to the desk. The he looked up at the group.
"Although I wouldn't like to guarantee anything, this change has greatly increased Jarod's chance of survival. The EEG shows an increased amount of brain activity and his levels of response have increased, suggesting that the coma has ended. However," he spoke firmly to make himself heard over the murmurs of excitement that began as he spoke. "I can not guarantee that he won't fall back into the coma. If he does, the chance of his recovery will be further reduced."
"But for now..."
"Things have to be taken slowly." The doctor looked over at Margaret as she spoke. "I know that, after so long, it's frustrating but we can't hurry this. Jarod will have to recover at his own pace."
"Then I think we can safely say," Sydney smiled as he spoke, "that the recovery will be something totally out of the ordinary."
***
The doctor left the room and the group sat for several seconds before anyone spoke. There was no loud rejoicing or celebration; everyone realised that the danger was by no means passed. But this was a more positive step and everyone knew it. Suddenly Charles stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"To see my son, of course." Sydney stood up and faced him.
"I'm not sure that it's a great idea, not yet."
"What?! Sydney, that's my son. He hasn't seen me for..."
"Exactly." Sydney placed a hand on his shoulder. "Jarod doesn't know you're here and, if he saw you without warning..."
"I see what you mean." Margaret looked up from her examination of the floor, which she had commenced in an effort to retain her self-control.
"Charles, we've waited for so long. We can be patient for a day or two longer. As long as we know that he's going to be okay..."
***
At this juncture the doctor re-entered the room and closed the door behind him. Those who had remained seated now stood up, feeling instinctively that the news was important.
"Well, I've had a look at him and I'm able to tell you that I have even greater confidence that he will make a full recovery." The group let out a united sigh of relief and the doctor smiled.
"Jennifer, he's asking for you."
Jennifer handed the boy to Margaret and, trembling slightly from the reaction, walked with the doctor out of the room. She walked along the hallway without seeing where she went, knowing only that she was walking in the right direction. When she reached the door, she placed a hand cautiously on the knob, trying to control her breathing before entering the room. The doctor gently placed one hand briefly on her shoulder before moving away down the corridor. She took a final deep breath, briefly closed her eyes and then slowly opened the door.
***
Lyle lay on the bed, feeling as though he was coming apart with every breath. He had noticed, earlier that day, that the tips of his fingers were slowly turning blue and, although he couldn't sit up to look at his feet, he knew that his toes were doing a similar thing. Now his whole hands were grey and numb but the pain in his chest, which felt like it was on fire, erased any concern he might have felt about the reduction in his circulation. He hardly noticed the door opening but as the two figures stopped in front of him, his blurring vision recognised the outlines, despite being unable to focus properly.
"Jen-nifer," Lyle gasped out of cracked and blue lips. "She's...helping him...Jarod..."
"What!" Raines' voice echoed around the room. "How dare you..."
"No...I thought...about it. She must...be..." Lyle's voice trailed off and he watched as Raines' figure lunged towards him.
"How dare you suggest that she would be..." Raines' voice trailed off in an articulate growl and he fought against the arm which Mr Parker was using to hold him back.
"William, if you kill him, there will be repercussions. Besides," Mr Parker voice became snide. "I think you hardly need to." The words made Raines see sense and he stepped back and straightened his clothes. In a matter of seconds, as the men watched, Lyle's head rolled, senseless, to one side and, after a short pause, sighed once and stopped breathing. Mr Parker looked down at him, face expressionless, and Raines turned away.
"At least it will free up another room."
***
Jennifer quietly slipped into the room and found Jarod lying with his eyes closed. She sat down silently in the seat beside the bed and gently took his hand. He opened his eyes, glanced around wildly for a moment and then looked at her.
"Hi."
"What...happened?"
"They didn't tell you?" Jarod's head slowly moved from side to side.
"This probably isn't the best time. Maybe later." He squeezed her hand as tightly as possible and she laughed.
"Okay, okay." Her face became sober. "Jarod, you were shot. Now stay still," as he began to try and move. "If you damage anything you'll worry a lot of people. Including me."
"Who else?" She smiled. "Well, Sydney for starters. And Michelle."
"Is that...all?"
"Well, Miss Parker hopes you'll recover."
"Why?"
"Because otherwise she might be here for ever. She's stuck in a room a few doors down the hall. And she can't come in here," she stated firmly, "so stop worrying."
"You know me..."
"...very well," she finished for him. "And I also know that you need rest." She reached down and pulled the blanket a little tighter around him.
"Will you...stay with me?"
"Of course." She slipped one hand into his and made sure that, with the other, she could reach a book. It was obvious that she would be there for some time.
***
Sydney quietly let himself into the room, having seen that Jarod was asleep. Jennifer jumped slightly as she heard his footsteps behind her and the book dropped, open, on to the bed.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to find out how things were going."
"Well, he's lucid. I told him what happened, and that you and Michelle were here. Oh, and he knows about Miss Parker."
"Well, I think you told him just about everything."
"Not quite everything." Jennifer smiled meaningfully.
"We're going to get something to eat from the cafeteria. Do you want to come?"
"I'll stay, in case he wakes up. Maybe later. I'm not all that hungry anyway." Sydney slipped a finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him.
"When Jarod is properly awake, he'll be very worried."
"Oh please, Sydney. I could hardly have lost weight." She looked down at her stomach, showing clearly that the pregnancy was almost over.
"Maybe not lost it, but your face is smaller."
"Gee, thanks." She gave him a half-hearted smile and turned back to the bed. "I'll see you when you get back from lunch."
***
Miss Parker sat on the edge of the bed and cautiously stretched her legs. Sydney and one of the doctors stood in the doorway and watched as she concentrated on the movement.
"Miss Parker, I hope you understand that, although you can get up, you won't be permitted to leave the building."
"Yeah, and who's going to stop me?" She looked up at the doorway and recognised a man, dressed in the familiar white shirt and black suit of a Centre sweeper. "Paul?"
"Yes, Miss Parker."
"Well, what are you waiting for? Get me out of here!"
"I can't do that, Miss Parker."
"What do you mean, 'you can't do it'. I order you to."
"But I only take orders from one person. Jennifer. And I'm not really a Centre sweeper. I was only," he glanced over at Sydney with the hint of a smile on his face, "pretending."
Miss Parker growled something inaudible and looked back at her legs. Jennifer was making coffee in the small kitchenette when the boy approached her. He waited until she was finished before speaking.
"I...really need to talk to somebody and Sydney's busy. Can we...?"
"Sure." She smiled. "Where do you want to talk?"
"Your room?"
She led the way and, after closing the door and shutting the blind, pulled the table over and took out a can of Dr Pepper from her small fridge, along with a PEZ dispenser from a bag, which lay on top of the table. Then she took a chair and waved him to sit on the bed.
"Here. Have some." The boy picked up the dispenser with undeniable delight. "I don't have this one. Can I...?"
"I'm sorry. It's Jarod's. I'm sure he won't mind you having some though. I'll refill it for him."
"That's...what I wanted to talk to you about. Is he..." the boy's stoicism broke and a tear slipped down his face. "I mean, he is going to make it now, isn't he?" Jennifer moved over and sat next to him, brushing the unruly hair out of his eyes.
"We all hope so. But I think it's still too early to tell. I'm sorry. I wish I could be more specific, but I really don't know." She got up off the bed and walked over to the far side of the room. "Do you want to see him?" He looked up at her and wiped a dirty hand across his face, smearing dirt over his eyes and he sobbed once. She took a clean handkerchief out of her pocket and handed it to him.
"Sydney and I were talking yesterday and we think that you're the person least likely to upset him."
"Why?"
Jennifer smiled. It was so Jarod-esque to ask question in a situation like that.
"Because of the emotional ties. He's built up ones with his father, mother and sister over many years. He hasn't had that opportunity with you." She was about to continue when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in."
The doctor's head appeared around the door and Sydney could be seen, standing behind him with a broad smile on his face.
"He's complaining about you not being there. Can you come, both of you?"
"Trust Jarod," Jennifer smiled at both Sydney and the boy, "to complain when he can't do anything to change the situation. What do you say, want to come?"
"Can I?"
"I think it would be good to get his mind off things, don't you?" She looked at Sydney, who smiled and nodded.
"Probably the best..."
"...provided you don't think it will overexcite him." Jennifer looked at the doctor and smiled. "Believe me, I won't let that happen."
***
Miss Parker sat down in a chair that stood near the window and watched figures walking about on the ground below. A noise made her turn and she stared, open-mouthed, at the man who stood in the doorway.
"B...Ben!"
"I got a call to tell me that you were here."
"Who from?"
"A friend of yours. She mentioned..."
"She?"
"Yes." Ben looked somewhat surprised. "She said that she was somewhat concerned about the fact that you were here alone and suggested that I should come and stay until you can leave." Ben approached her and sat on the bed, facing her. "I brought Robert with me."
Miss Parker looked around.
"Where is he? Is he alright?"
"He's fine. The man sitting outside your room brought him to me the first night that you came here. He said that a woman had asked him to."
"Do you know who it was?"
"I think she said her name was...Jennifer."
***
Jennifer watched through the window as the boy approached the bed and sat down in the chair. Sydney stood behind her, one hand on her shoulder, watching as Jarod got over his initial shock and finally excepted the fact that his clone was in the room. The two outside watched Jarod's reaction, unable to hear what was going on. The initial situation appeared a little tense but eventually it was obvious that the two were getting involved in a serious discussion and, being unable to understand what was being said, Jennifer and Sydney moved away, down the hall.
"Do you think he'll guess?"
"I doubt, at the moment, if he'd be up to guessing. Maybe later, when he's more aware of what's going on, but they've got him so doped up that he's not capable of living much beyond the moment." Jennifer paused as a short wave of pain hit her but quickly passed before Sydney could notice it.
"I think you're right. How long, do you think, before they can see him?"
"A few days. The doctor suggested that it would be the best time. They're planning to gradually reduce the amount of painkillers he's receiving and he would want to be awake when he sees them."
"But now to the extent that he might hurt himself."
"I don't think that his mother would let him. She's going to be so protective of him that I'm concerned he might one day blow up at her and it would break her heart." Sydney placed one hand on hers.
"Let's not cross that bridge until we come to it, shall we? And then we can start worrying." It was at this instant that the boy came out of the room and slowly walked over to the two people. His face looked a little pale but calm. Sydney stood up and put an arm around his shoulder.
"Come on. I think that maybe we need to talk."
The boy looked over his shoulder at Jennifer.
"He wanted to see you." She nodded solemnly.
"I'll go in now." She smiled gently at him and was pleased to see a small flicker of expression show in his face but her own became serious as she entered the room. Jarod lay on the bed, his hands in tight fists on the bedspread. She placed one of her hands on his as she sat down and he opened his eyes, turning his head to look at her.
"How could I have created the technology to have made him? How could I have allowed them to do that? If I'd died..."
"He would have drawn on the strength for which you are so famous and would have survived." She stopped talking and waited for him to respond.
"But I created that. I'm responsible..."
"For the creation of that life. Just think - you made life. And more than one." She smiled and watched as her words had an effect and he smiled back.
"Can you read me...that quote from Festus?"
Jennifer picked up a small book in which she had begun to record the quotes that she found and which meant the most to her.
"We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths;
In feelings, not in figures on a dial.
We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives
Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.
Life 's but a means unto an end; that end
Beginning, mean, and end to all things,--God."
She looked up and saw that his eyes were closed and that his face, for the first time since waking from the coma, looked calm. As she was about to get up from the chair, he spoke.
"And the one from "A Soul's Tragedy" about judging a man."
She found the place and read it.
"Ever judge of men by their professions. For though the bright moment of promising is but a moment, and cannot be prolonged, yet if sincere in its moment's extravagant goodness, why, trust it, and know the man by it, I say, -- not by his performance; which is half the world's work, interfere as the world needs must with its accidents and circumstances: the profession was purely the man's own. I judge people by what they might be, -- not are, nor will be."
Looking at his, she knew that he was asleep and, unable to hide the pain that had been gradually growing in her stomach, she closed the book and crept from the room.