The Squashed LR

Chap. 1-Lioness from Tortall
Alanna: What does this map say?
Nahom Jendrai: It shows where to find the Dominion Jewel
Alanna: Cool
Liam: Hey sexy
Alanna: I think I'm in love...

Chap. 2-The Road East
Alanna: We're going to find the Dominion Jewel. Wanna come?
Liam: Sure
Alanna: Oh yeah I have the Gift
Liam: Eeek!! (hides in fear)
Buri: All right, weapons down, hands up!

Chap. 3-The Warlord's Daughter
Thayet: Hi. I'm sexy and people keep trying to kill me
Alanna: We're not trying to kill you. Come w/ us.
Thayet & Buri: Ok
Daughter of the Goddess: Thayet, your father is dead!
Thayet: Eh....oh well

Chap. 4-The Roof of the World
Alanna: Fuck! There's a huge blizzard!
Liam: Don't go to get the jewel.
Alanna: Too bad. I'm going anyway. Hey Chitral, gimme that jewel!!
Chitral: Ok (gives Alanna the jewel)
Alanna: Ok. Time to go home

Chap. 5-In the Capital of Tortall
Jon: My parents are dead & I'm king now
George: People keep trying to kill me
Claw: Remember me? (attempts to kill George)
Roger: I'm BACK!!!!!!!!
Thom: I don't feel so good

Chap. 6-Homecoming
Alanna: Jonny, I'm home!!
Jon: Welcome back
Thayet: Hey sexy...
Myles: Everything's going to hell here. Roger's back, Ralon is disguised as a thief named Claw, Jon's got to be coronated, and I'm in love w/ George's mother!!
Alanna: Can't I leave you people alone for a second??

Chap. 7-Period of Mourning
Jon: Will you be my Champion?
Alanna: Sure
Jon: Will you become a spy & let me ennoble you?
George: Sure
Delia & Josiane: We're still evil sluts!!

Chap. 8-Crossroad in Time
Rebel People: Attack!!!!
(a huge earthquake happens)
Alanna: Shit! Now I gotta kill Roger
Thom: Roger stole my Gift! (dies)
(Alanna kills Josiane & Alex)
Roger: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alanna: Die again, bitch!!! (kills roger)

Epilogue
Thayet: I'm marrying Jon
Myles: I'm marrying George's mommy.
Liam: I'm dead
Alanna: I'm marrying George
George: I love you