| Chap. 1-Daine the Half Human Freak Girl Setting: About 10 years after the events in SOTL. A random fair in Galla. Onua, Horsemistress to the Queen's Riders, is holding auditions in hopes of finding an assistant. Onua: Come on everyone! Auditions are starting! Hurry up! I need to get to Tortall as quick as possible to harass my trainees. Daine: Um…hi Onua: Um…hi. Are you here for the auditions? Daine: Um…yeah. Onua: Then get your ass in there. (Daine enters a large pavillion where two other potential assistants are lazing around.) Applicant #1: Hey, who's that? Applicant #2: I bet she's some hick! Daine: I'm no hick! I'm not from the Copper Ils! Applicant #1: You got something against the Copper Ils? Huh? Huh? Daine: No! I just want a job, dammit! (Onua enters) Onua: Ok everyone. Let's see what you can do with horses. (The first Applicant walks lazily over to a large horse pen somehow enclosed in the pavillion. She Walks over to a horse, pets it, and walks away) Onua: That was amazing. Ok, next (Applicant 2 walks over to the pen, mounts a horse, rides it once around the pen, and dismounts.) Onua: Wonderful. Next! (Daine approaches the pen. She walks up to the horse, and suddenly the horse begins to dance and sing 80's songs) Horse: And I ran, I ran so far away… Onua: What the hell! Did that horse just TALK? Horse: Nope Daine: I'm sorry. I had no idea that would happen. Applicant #1: Only inbreds can do things like that! You must be from the Copper Ils! Onua: Oh shut up. Tahoi? (A ridiculously large dog runs into the pavillion & chases the other applicants out) Onua: So. You're good w/ horses. Daine: Maybe Onua: No shit Sherlock. Of course you are You got the job. Now we have to take a herd of ill tempered horses to Tortall. You cool w/ that? Daine: Yeah Onua: Oh yeah, there've been stories of all sorts of strange creatures in the woofs lately. Things like giant spiders, football players, and Michael Jacksons! Daine: No! Not Michael Jacksons! Well thank goddess I have my Super Soaker Onua: You any good w/ it? Daine: A litte Onua: Let's see you shoot. You can shoot those other applicants. Daine: Ok (She takes her Super Soaker and shoots the other applicants. They melt) Onua: Damn!!! You're good! Daine: No, I'm really not.. Onua: Stop being so damn modest. No one's modest in Tortall! And everyone's obsessed w/ something. Daine: What are you obsessed with? Onua: Never you mind. You've got an inhuman talent for animals. Daine: No I don't Onua: Yes you do! Daine: No I don't Onua: Yes you do. Now come on! NEXT CHAP: Meetings w/ lots of scary things! A/N: Here it is. The beginning of my TI parody. It probabnly won't be as good as SOTL, but it has to be done. |