| The Squashed ITHOTG Chap. 1: The Lady in the Forest Alanna: Dammit I hate the cold Goddess: Hello there Alanna: WTF??? Goddess: This is your goddess. Here's a magic ember stone & a cat. Good luck Alanna: Thanks! Chap. 2: Duke Roger of Conte Faithful: I can talk! Dain: Tortall sucks. Alanna: Come on, let's duel. (they duel. Alanna wins) Jon: Good job, squire Roger: Ha ha ha ha I'm still evil. Alan must die! Chap. 3: The Prince's Squire Delia: Hi. I'm an evil sult. Dance w/ me Alanna: *gulp* George: I love you, Alanna Alanna: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Alex: Die Alanna!! (He tries to kill Alanna but she survives) Chap. 4: A Cry of War Jon: We're going to war. Alanna: Great Jon: Duke Roger's the commander. Alanna: Wonderful George: I still love you... (everyone marches off to war) Chap. 5: By the River Drell Thor: Hi. I'm a nice guy. Jem: Hi. I'm a spy Alanna: Ahhhh!!!! You spoke in rhyme! (a battle occurs) Alanna: DAMN YOU JEM TANNER!!! Thor: *dies* Chap. 6: Captured! Roger: Be my friend, Alan. Alanna: Never (is captured) Jon: Come on! We've got to save Alan! Hillam: Ha ha ha ha! You will suffer! Jon: Not if I have anything to do w/ it!! Chap. 7: Winter Lessons Alanna: Teach me how to be a girl Eleni: Ok Alanna: Shit. Now I gotta go hunt wolves (Discovers Roger's magic on the bodies of the dead wolves) Alanna: Roger really is out to kill me!! Chap. 8: Fears Alanna: My ordeal's coming up. Fuck Jon: Hey baby Alanna: Jon, you look awfully sexy.... Everyone: Happy B-day!! Alanna: Oooh!! Pretty armor!! Chap. 9: The Ordeal Chamber: Let me show you your fears. Alanna: *eek* Wow, I've got to stop Duke roger now Chamber: You pass. You are now a Knight Alanna: Cool Thom: Remember me? Chap. 10: To Duel the Sorcerer Alanna: Roger is evil Roger: I am not!! Alanna: Let's duel Roger: *dies & cuts thru Alanna's corest* Alanna: Shit Epilogue Alanna: Let's go south Coram: ok |