"HOW ABOUT NO, YOU CRAZY DUTCH BASTARD!" (reviewed by AX)

When the first AUSTIN POWERS movie came out, I remember going to see it and not laughing a whole lot. Don't ask why, I can't even believe I'm admitting it even happened in the first place. It was a whole different story when POWERS made it to video. I found myself watching it many many times, reciting dialogue, and realizing it was one of the best comedies of the 90s. Very inventive, very witty, and featuring that special brand of half American/half British humor that Mike Myers crafted so well during his years on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. It's definitely a classic.

With that in mind, there was a lot for the 1999 follow-up THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME to live up to. Sequels generally have to be bigger and wilder than the original, and SPY definitely was. Best of all, it had the same re-watchability that the first one did. I honestly don't know which one I like better. They are both fucking hilarious.

So that brings us to GOLDMEMBER. With an opening sequence that will soon become legendary, things are kicked off to a similar start as the other AUSTIN movies. Doctor Evil is hatching another plan to take over the world, this time recruiting the help of a criminal-minded madman from the 70's named Goldmember. You're probably thinking something funny is up with that name if you haven't seen the movie. Well you'd be right (in fact, the producers of this movie went through a lot of shit just so they could call the movie GOLDMEMBER. The first trailers shown in theaters didn't even say the title). In addition to playing Austin Powers, his arch nemesis Dr. Evil, and the returning Fat Bastard, Mike Myers also now plays Goldmember. This character is fucking funny as shit, let me just say. I won't give too much away, but I will say that his Dutch accent had me cracking up like a motherfucker...

GOLDMEMBER: "You have a very toyt body, I can see that by your toyt pahnts. You're toyt like a toyger!"

Um, yeah. So you'll have to hear for yourself I guess. Sorry if that didn't even approach funny.

Anyway, like I said, GOLDMEMBER is great. If you like the other ones, you'll like this one. It's right in line, and builds on jokes started in the previous films to a very successful degree. The dialogue made me laugh so hard that I teared up several times...

DR. EVIL (on his CB radio): "That's a big 10-4 you sumbitch pile of monkey nuts!"

Ah, goddamn. This one will require multiple viewings just like the other two, as I was laughing too hard during GOLDMEMBER to catch a lot of the jokes. Not a whole lot of recovery time. Plus, to my delight, the toilet humor was rampant yet again. I'll always be a sucker for a fart joke or a shit joke...

FAT BASTARD: "I didn't eat any corn!"

Lastly, I feel I should mention that Beyonce "Bills Bills Bills" Knowles is great as Austin's female sidekick Foxxy Cleopatra. Obviously taking cues from Pam Grier's 70's roles, Beyonce shows respect for the character and plays it just right. But you know, one of the weird things about GOLMEMBER is they don't explain what happened to Austin's female sidekick from the previous film. At least in THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME, you were told that Vanessa Kensington (from the first movie) was a FemBot. Felicity Shagwell just kinda vanished. Oh well.

I don't know where they'll go from here, honestly. If Myers can keep coming up with funny gags and interesting characters, I wouldn't mind seeing 20 of these just like the 007 series. It's dangerous to have so many characters in one movie, but GOLDMEMBER does a pretty good job considering that Austin's father (played by Michael "Acting In Film" Caine) is also a major part of the plot. A lot is going on in this movie, but everything does fit neatly together in the end. I laughed a hell of a lot, but not quite as often as I did with the other two movies. So it's a tough call whether or not the Powers humor has run its course and Myers should quit while he's ahead. If he can make it happen, I'm game for another. AUSTINPUSSY?

(7.27.02)