"GOONIES" DVD: Ruuuuth! Baby! (reviewed by AX)

I'll admit I do not have the affinity for "GOONIES" that a lot of people my age do. I guess maybe that's because movies have been a constant thing in my life since I was born, and for many years all I did was sit at home watching goddman movies all the time. Since I was broke (and so were all my friends), it was not uncommon for us to watch every movie multiple times. So even though I may not love "GOONIES", I have brobably seen it 15 or 20 times. I do remember having a crush on Kerri Green, the redhead who played "Andie" in the movie (and was also in "Lucas"). She's now a director and you can rent her film "BELLYFRUIT" if you're interested, it's a "KIDS" rip off but it's okay.

So we all know what "GOONIES" is about. A group of misfit kids are about to have their neighborhood demolished by rich industrialists unless they can come up with some serious cash fast. This same thing happened in my neighborhood growing up, but we chose to make our own porn videos to sell to the cops and we made out like bandits. BUT the kids in "GOONIES" don't go that route (otherwise owning the film would be illegal), they find an old treasure map and go looking for some pirates' gold, getting into a big adventure that makes an exciting and funny film. Richard Donner directed it, and went on to make stuff like the "LETHAL WEAPON" series afterwards. They do NOT make kids movies like "GOONIES" anymore, and that sucks. I'm not being nostalgic here, I'm serious. The kids in this movie say "shit" and talk dirty, they act like foul-mouthed brats the way kids really are. No way would they portray kids in a movie like this now. People are too worried their kids will get warped and start acting crazy (read: "We are shitty parents and we refuse to take responsibility for our fucked up kids").

Anyway, this Special Edition DVD is pretty cool stuff. Fans of the movie will shit their drawers when they find out that ALL THE GOONIES kids join director Donner on the commentary track! That's right, all of them. If that weren't cool enough, every few minutes the picture minimizes and we get to watch the cast & director talking about the movie while they view it. It will trip you out to see how everybody looks now. The chinese kid "Data" look the same and his voice even sounds the same. Corey Feldman (who introduces himself as Corey Haim) is funny as hell, as you'd expect, and makes references to his drug problems. Sean Astin says he has something he wants to confess to Cyndi Lauper, but inexplicably leaves the room halfway through the movie and never comes back. Donner is nice and seems like he really had fun with the kids. Kerri Green is a bit thinner but basically looks the same. Martha Plimpton is very funny and has a lot of good stories to tell about making the movie. Jeff Cohen, who played "Chunk", is now an entertainment lawyer in Hollywood and is a pretty lively fellow. Josh Brolin doesn't say much but it's cool he showed up. For an ensemble movie that was such a big hit, this is a dream as far as commentary tracks go. It was incredible to see everyone together.

The disc also has a "making of" segment that is very old, it was done when "GOONIES" was a new movie. Also, there are 2 deleted scenes that are really good, and explain some things that were a bit mysterious in the movie before (namely Data's reference to "the octopus" at the end). And last but not least, they put the entire Cyndi Lauper "Goonies R Good Enough" music video on there. Anybody who remembers the WWF wrestlers of the early 80's will get a kick out of this.

Overall I rate the "GOONIES" disc 4.5 out of 5 because of how great the movie looks and how cool the commentary track is (which would be the main selling point). This movie was a huge hit and people still love it, and I think they could have found more extra stuff to put on this disc. So it doesn't quite rate a perfect 5. Plus, I like the movie but not THAT much. What can I say, the mutant fucking disturbed me as a child and I think that was too scary to put in a kid's movie. We learn later in the film that he got that way because his bitch mother (the now dead Ann Ramsey) dropped him on his head multiple times when he was a baby. Sorry, that is fucked up. If you want to see her head get obliterated by a basketball in a really gory scene, rent Wes Craven's "DEADLY FRIEND" starring Kristy Swanson. I thought I'd mention that.

(11.10.01)