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10. RING OF FIRE
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This could have rocked. Great potential squandered, as well as a great cast. Never have dragons seemed
so…boring.
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9. HALF PAST DEAD
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Jah Rule makes DMX look like John Malkovich. Steven Seagal co-stars with his double chin. The only
decent character, a karate bitch, gets killed in the dumbest possible way. Tony Plana makes all Latinos look bad. Yay Hip
Hop Action!
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8. MASTER OF DISGUISE
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The first time I ever walked out of a movie during the first 10 minutes. And it was free. The
main character’s name is Pistachio Disguisey. That says it all.
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7. DEUCES WILD
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West Side Story meets a big bowl of turd. That would equal TWO bowls of turd. Stir and enjoy.
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6. WINDTALKERS
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John Woo and real war stories don’t mix. Give him a script where one guy kills a room of 50 baddies
while armed with two .45s, and we have ourselves a MOVIE, people.
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5. JASON X
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A few creative kills just don’t cut it, anymore. This one looks like it should have gone straight to the Sci-Fi
channel. Just like Michael Jackson.
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4. COLLATERAL DAMAGE
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Bad script. Bad action. Not a single decent one liner. And you call this a Schwarzenegger film? For
shame.
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3. SWEPT AWAY
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Define “pussy whipped”. Hardcore “gangster flick” director Guy Richie turns out a piece of
crizzap simply because his wife is the star. Someone once stated, and I quote, that “with the proper guidance and
direction, Madonna could become an Oscar-caliber actress.” Yes…and with the proper guidance and direction, an
orangutan could play backgammon. Neither scenario, however, has yet to take place….or ever will.
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2. ROLLERBALL
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I am STILL amazed at the level of crap that was this fucking movie. If I have to watch L.L. Cool J lick
his lips one more goddamn time, I finnah kill myself.
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1. KUNG POW! ENTER THE FIST
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Enter the Fist: More like “Seven Dollars: Enter the Cock.” Rape is what you shall feel. RAPE IS WHAT
YOU SHALL FEEEEEEEL.
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