"BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF" (AKA: Le Pact De Loups...AKA: The pack of Fruit Loops)

Setting: The Gevaudan region of France, 1765.

Plot: A huge fucking wolf-like assbeast is wining and dining on the local folk, making mincemeat of men, women, and chilluns. The King sends two men to investigate. One is a "scientist" named Gregoire de Fronsac (heh heh....sac), and the other is his partner (lifemate?) Mani...a "mysterious" Iroquois dude played by Mark Dacascos (Yes...the dude from DOUBLE DRAGON). Based on real events, the movie's accuracy stops shortly at the fact that there was indeed a beast that stalked the area around that time, and that it was eventually captured, killed, and put on display for the king. The rest is pure bullshit, which is bound to piss off the buttplugged purists out there. In other words...my kind of flick.

De Fronsac and Mani (which actually means "peanuts" in español...no joke) meet an interesting cast of characters when they hit the town, including a one armed aristocrat played by Vicent Cassel who dresses like a total homo-gay. De Fronsac ends up falling for his sister Marianne (played by Emilie Dequenne), but that sure as hellfire doesn't stop him from fucking the bejeezus out of a local whore/seer (Monica Bellucci...with an ass that just don't QUIT), who loves to cut naked dudes with her knife and lick the blood (those French...). There's a shady priest (any other kind?), an obviously evil gypsy bitch, and her overprotective father to consider as well, but goddammit...go see the movie yourself. I ain't got to 'splain shit to you. Now go get me a beer, bitch...yeah...you do it cuz I SAID it.

Either way, strap yourself down for the coolest French-language martial arts/horror/thriller since...since....well...um....

Let me rephrase.

Either way, strap yourself down and bring some lubricant. This movie will fuck you in more ways than one...and they're all good. Who knew that the French could match the kung-fu action that the asian market exports on a daily basis? I sure as hell didn't, but I was pleasantly surprised, just the same. De Fronsac, who claims to be a gardener and science man, is actually an acrobatic badass in disguise, and his main nigga Mani is just as cool, especially when he dons warpaint, a loincloth, a tomahawk, and a smile. Oh...and the beast? Well, the beast is the only aspect of the flick that gets a thumbs down. It's an obvious CGI creation, but its presence is underplayed enough so that it doesn't intrude on the film's raging momentum. The climactic battle between Fronsac and the head evil cocksucker is ripped right out of ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA II, but it comes across as a cool homage to the kung-fu classic.

All in all...this one gets an 8 out of 10 (less beast, more asskicking next time!). Catch it on the big screen while you can, preferrably with some stadium seating (those subtitles are a bitch). The DVD is already out in France, Australia, Canada, Zimbabwe, Somalia, and a small cave in Zagreb, Yugoslavia...so screw the fuckers for leaving the U.S. for last. Regardless, the movie rocks. Tell 'em OG sent ya.

(1.24.02)