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December 10
Well Folks it's jes' 'bout that time o th' year 'gain. Yep...Ol Santa's 'bout t' make his yearly visit en I can't find th' words t' s'plain th' 'citment thats been a creepin' up on me fer the past week. Th' oudder day I wuz down at Hudsucker's 5 en 10 cent d'partment store en nearly wet muh pants when I found out that Ol Santa himself wuz a visitin'....... That's rat folks...He wuz rat here in Greasy Corner......Boy o Boy......He even
took muh list fer a gift I always wanted but wuz never able t' git when i wuz a young'en....I might be a li'l old now a days t' really 'preciate that there Lincoln Log set....but if'n I could git it...it'll be a real tresure fer sure....The only hard part wuz when he asks me if'n I been good.....FER THE WHOLE DERN YAER!!!!! I wuz a gona tell him 'bout gittin' caught up in the raid down at the chicken fights in Lukeys barn but
since nutin' much wuz done 'bout it cause th' mayor wuz also there....I didn't figure that would count....en I doubts very much if that li'l ol inc'dent involving them two party gals down at th' Elks Lodge made th' news up at the North Pole....So's I jes said "Yep, I've been good as gold Santa".....Funny thin' 'bout him though......he looked an awful lot lak
Elmer Hudsucker, the store owners son, only he had that there white beard, en' I swear he had a touch of corn on his breath.....
In the local news...The Greasy Corner Fire Rescue and pocket billards squad wuz called to the residence of Albert Sower th' other day en had t' rush em over to Doc Phlem's office......It seems that while Albert's wife wuz away visitin' her sister Sarah Bell over in Twinpots, Ol Albert got t' lookin' 'round the house t' see if the Misses had hid eny Christmas gifts. 'pparently he found a set of golf clubs en sum balls hid away in the
bedroom closet en commenced to carry them into th' bathroom (That ain't no mistake folks, Ol Aberts got his privy in th' House). Anyhow. As near as this here 'porter can tell Ol Albert musta got hisself carried away en fergot that he weren't out in th' meadow somewhar 'cause he took a full swing on one of them balls.......Well...Th' durn thang got
ta ricochetin' off'n the tile walls en the fire chief figures Ol Albert musta got hit at least 25 times afore th' ball finially got stuck in the bath tub drain pipe. Albert got struck about th' head en face on each pass of th' ball and at least one time in a spot that can't be mentioned in this here column
It's been a busy time down at the firehouse lately as well.... This year the Fire chief wuz a braggin' 'bout the tree would have more lights on it then eny other tree in the whole State of Arkansas.......En he might jes be right.....It seems that big Ol truck that run into Lukey Hardnuts favorite cow las week en got impounded fer investigation until after th' holidays wuz a carrying 50,000 christmas lights fer some big deal tree up in
Wershington D.C. The fire chief figured it would be a shame t' jes let em sit there unused fer the holidays en all so they dun went en tied another tree to the one down in the town square making it over 100 feet high....they spent the better part of three days a stringin all 50,000 of them lights en had th' whole town down there for th' tree lightin'
Well when th' big monent came the crowd counted backwards from ten as best they cud.....en when Silas throwed th' switch there was ........Well......There wuz nutin......I mean after al that coachin' en all fer the backwards count....they throwed th' switch en nutin happened...... A quick call wuz made to th' GE place where th' impounded truck wuz
from en they said that maybe one of th' bulbs wuz busted en all 50,000 of em oughta be checked....Wouldn't be a good time to have a fire in yer house folks....There's more firmen a hangin' on that tree rat now then there is acorns on a oak tree...they's a removin' the bulbs, spittin' on em en a puttin' em back in again.....Good Luck fellas....
Personals Column
To all th' fine people of Kowhocky County. Me en the Misses would lak t' take this here time to wish you en yorn a very Merry Christmas. We have been livin' up chear in yankee land fer quite a spell now,... y'all know how it is when ya have t' leave town t' find work en all, but we want y'all t' know that 'specially durnin' this Holiday season our
hearts are with ya back thar in Greasy Corner......Now y'all know thet this here is the season fer givin' en I'd be mighty beholding if'n y'all would give up the lights ya took off'n that truck.....They wuz fer the 'fficial white house tree up here en thar's a big dark spot on th' back of the dern thang that's a facing th' winder in muh bed room.....
Happy Holidays
Bill and Hillary
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