THE GREASY CORNER HERITAGE GAZETTE

AND RACE TRACK SCRATCH SHEET

WE PRINT ALL TH' NOOZE THET'S FIT T' PRINT ....

EN SUM THET AIN'T

November 29,

G'mornin' Folks,

This here's Herman Fly yer roving reporter coming t' ya from high a top the Tower in beautiful down town Greasy Corner.. Fer those of ya that's a gona be lookin' fer th' weather 'port this mornin' 'fraid I got sum bad news....Whilst climbin' th' ladder this mornin' a gust o' come up an' sucked th' blame paper from th' weather station outta muh pocket quicker than a hog can suck slop through a garden hose. T' make up fer
this unfornuate event though I can tell ya the win's a blowing mighty hefty from the direction of th' grain silo...don't know how fast but from muh van'age point up here I can see that a pair of long johnies over on th' Barlows clothes line is a flappin' straight out from th' line ....now if they's them cheap flannels from down at K-mart that'll put the wind speed at 'bout 15 miles but if'n they's them th' heavy ones 'Ol Cyrus makes
down at the canvass shop then th' winds gonna be better'n 30 miles....When the sun comes up later en I can see th' color I'll let ya know...

Well on with th' news.....Well t'was a pretty quiet Thanksgiven Day throughout the greater Greasy Corner metro area....Traffic wuz a bit heavier goin' north th'n usual....At one point this here r'porter watching from muh office up here on th' tower counted almost 20 cars in one hour passin' through town .....Had a bit of a jam one time when the fool traffic light down in front o' th' police station got stuck en 'bout 5 cars got
stopped. One o' them musta' blowed th' horn er sumthin' cause pretty soon Officer Plooie come outta the station en throwed a rock en hit it an' it commenced t' workin' 'gain.. 'Course the th' real traffic problem wuz fer them that wuz a comin' back in the evenin' 'cause thanks t' them two new one way street signs th' town father's had put in las' week...once everybody got outta town...they couldn't git back in....I understand Lem
Hicks made a small killing later on as he opened the cattle gate down by his tool shed en 'lowed the south going traffic to cut 'round town past his silo en thru th' soybean field fer a small fee.....I 'spect them town fathers is gona pay a hefty price their own selves at the next 'lection fer this inconvience....You may 'remember the house cleaning that occurred the las' time a new 'speriment with traffic wus tried when they put in them
durn 4 way stop signs en er'body in town was scared t' drive thru em......

Well "Ol Ernie Cornrake continues t' improve after his unfortunate incounter w'th th' turkey on Tuesday.....We'd mention in th' first report that amongst all his injuries he had lost his little toe on his left foot......Well glory be... if'n it don't beat all....th' fire department had found his toe layin thar in th' dirt en carried it back to 'th Docs house with Ernie en that new big city Doc that works with Doc Phlem sewed the blame thang back on.... Last report wuz that the patient wuz doin' real good an' the toe
had a good color o' pink in it.....This here 'porter don't never claim t' be a doctor er nuthing...But I would question th' Docs enthusism when they braggs about the toe having a good pink color....don't seem rat fer a black man t' have one pink li'l toe...but I s'pose them Docs know what they's doin'...I'll keep ya posted.....

COURT NEWS from
KOWHOCKEY COUNTY

A lawsuit was filed early this morning by Mr. Clifford Ruckles against Mr. Abner Cowcud. In the brief complaint, Mr. Ruckels, owner of The Greasy Corner Laundramat and used rag emporium contends that Mr. Cowcud did $185 worth of damgage to one of the clothes dryers down at his establishment. In a counter suit Mr. Cowcud has filed a $13.45 law suit against Mr. Ruckels claiming that patrons to his joint oughtta be
advised that it ain't a good idea to attempt t' defrost a 20 lb. turkey in a clothes dryer 'cause it kin bruise th' drumsticks en ruin th' bird.


PERSONALS COLUMN

Mabel Honey---Since ya' dun up an' run out on me muh whole dern lafe has changed. I understand yer bein' upset w'th me cause I spent ere' weekend wif muh buddys out in the country...since yew been gone I ain't doin' that no more....I understands how yew was always mad at me fer comin' home from work en jus' sittin' in th' chair en flippin' through th' tv channels...since yew been gone I ain't doin' that no more either....I s'pose
by the fact that yew ain't called er nutin' youse still mad and ain't a comin' back too soon..... Well Honey since y'all left I dun changed muh lafe and it's been real hard...a man my age jus' don't change that a way real quick lak with out feeling pain...but since y'all left I have stopped doin' the thangs that made ya mad....Now honey I beg of you...down on muh hands n' knees beggin'...PLEASE...Even though rat now you maybe
think ya ain't never a coming back ever....PLEASE...send back muh golf clubs en TV remote....love as always...Elmer

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Douglas Burdette, creator

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