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The
"Lost" Stories
a
series of coSmic events
GateWay
S-F Magazine
is publishing Karl's series of short stories that tell the tale of the
self-absorbed Captain Kollins. Each episode in the "Lost"
Stories
is
short (typically less than 1000 words) and so funny you'll probably
pee your pants. (Oh, these are what's
called Feghoots.
Which is to say, they end in a pun, and hopefully
one that will make you groan. Which
is to say, you've been warned).
1 - Lost Eternity
700 words.
My
name is James Kollins, and I am Captain
of the galactic warship DeVille. This
morning I received a top-priority message from Earth ordering me to
take my
ship to Eden and destroy its one and only colony. The
Planopsychologists had rated Eden high in
the grumbles-against-Earth category--which meant that if a rebellion
was not
imminent, it was at least somewhat possible.
| read
Lost Eternity |
2 - Lost Inheritance
700
words.
Captain
Courageous was giving his patented
suggestive smile to a beautiful, scantily-clad, green-skinned alien
when my
ready-room doors beeped.
Cursing,
I said, without any effort to hide
my irritation, "Yes? What
is it?"
The
doors split apart to reveal my
second-in-command, Winston.
"Captain,
I--" he began, then saw
what was on the holo. Coming
to a dead
stop, he said, "I'm sorry to disturb you, sir."
I
nodded for him to go on with a gracious
smile, but made a mental note. If
he
couldn't remember when Captain Courageous was on, he wasn't the kind of
first
officer I wanted on my ship.
|
read
Lost Inheritance |
3 - Lost
Time
800 words.
"There's
something that confuses me," Winston, my second-in-command, said when
Captain Courageous, on the holo, turned to wink at the cameras and the
view
faded to black.
I figured
Winston had never had the talk (shame on his father), so I prepared
myself
mentally to share my vast experience-based knowledge with him.
| read
Lost Time |
4 - Lost
Word
1200 words.
"Jack,"
I said, forcing a smile
as my brother didn't fail to materialize on the middle pad in the
teleportation
room. Teleportation
was safe, but, once
in a billion, something went wrong: the particles would be scattered
throughout
the universe and the person's body, life, personality, thought,
condescension--all
would be lost forever.
| read
Lost Word |
5 - Lost
Ship
900
words.
The day got
off to a
bad start when I checked the listings beamed from Yoo and saw that this
week's
episode of "Captain Courageous and the Women Who Love Him" would be a
repeat. A week
without a new
"Captain Courageous" to look forward to was a week best spent in bed.
But with
an
interstellar war raging in the depths of space, I had to captain my
warship and
not sulk.
Or so my
First Officer,
Winston, kept insisting. By
Wednesday, I
couldn't ignore his nagging anymore and finally tossed off the covers.
|
read
Lost Ship |
6 - Lost
Opportunity
900 words.
In my long and distinguished career, I have
seen many admirals snarl, scowl, swear, and shake their heads in
disappointment. But
I'd never seen one
this angry before.
"This
is a disaster, Kollins,"
Admiral Potrowski said, spitting
in his anger and pounding his clenched fist against the desk in front
of
him. "This is an
unmitigated
disaster."
7 - Lost
Reward
1100 words.
When the last of my crew had left the ship,
off to visit family and friends and mistresses, I made ready to pilot
the DeVille
myself. The Board
could take all the
time in the world to decide my punishment--but I wasn't foolish enough
to be
around when they'd made up their minds.
In a large universe such as ours, there were more than
enough places to
disappear in--places where one could change one's name and appearance,
places
where one could live out a whole new life, a life that didn't include
whatever
punishment the Board was cooking up for one in their depraved minds.
| read
Lost Reward |
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