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The "Lost" Stories

a series of coSmic events

GateWay S-F Magazine is publishing Karl's series of short stories that tell the tale of the self-absorbed Captain Kollins.  Each episode in the "Lost" Stories is short (typically less than 1000 words) and so funny you'll probably pee your pants.  (Oh, these are what's called Feghoots.  Which is to say, they end in a pun, and hopefully one that will make you groan.  Which is to say, you've been warned).

1 - Lost Eternity
700 words.

My name is James Kollins, and I am Captain of the galactic warship DeVille. This morning I received a top-priority message from Earth ordering me to take my ship to Eden and destroy its one and only colony. The Planopsychologists had rated Eden high in the grumbles-against-Earth category--which meant that if a rebellion was not imminent, it was at least somewhat possible.

| read Lost Eternity |


2 - Lost Inheritance
700 words.

Captain Courageous was giving his patented suggestive smile to a beautiful, scantily-clad, green-skinned alien when my ready-room doors beeped.

Cursing, I said, without any effort to hide my irritation, "Yes?  What is it?"

The doors split apart to reveal my second-in-command, Winston.

"Captain, I--" he began, then saw what was on the holo.  Coming to a dead stop, he said, "I'm sorry to disturb you, sir."

I nodded for him to go on with a gracious smile, but made a mental note.  If he couldn't remember when Captain Courageous was on, he wasn't the kind of first officer I wanted on my ship.

| read Lost Inheritance |

3 - Lost Time
800 words.

"There's something that confuses me," Winston, my second-in-command, said when Captain Courageous, on the holo, turned to wink at the cameras and the view faded to black.

I figured Winston had never had the talk (shame on his father), so I prepared myself mentally to share my vast experience-based knowledge with him.

| read Lost Time |

4 - Lost Word
1200 words.

"Jack," I said, forcing a smile as my brother didn't fail to materialize on the middle pad in the teleportation room. Teleportation was safe, but, once in a billion, something went wrong: the particles would be scattered throughout the universe and the person's body, life, personality, thought, condescension--all would be lost forever.

| read Lost Word |

5 - Lost Ship
900 words.

The day got off to a bad start when I checked the listings beamed from Yoo and saw that this week's episode of "Captain Courageous and the Women Who Love Him" would be a repeat.  A week without a new "Captain Courageous" to look forward to was a week best spent in bed.

But with an interstellar war raging in the depths of space, I had to captain my warship and not sulk.

Or so my First Officer, Winston, kept insisting.  By Wednesday, I couldn't ignore his nagging anymore and finally tossed off the covers.

| read Lost Ship |

6 - Lost Opportunity
900 words.

In my long and distinguished career, I have seen many admirals snarl, scowl, swear, and shake their heads in disappointment.  But I'd never seen one this angry before.

"This is a disaster, Kollins," Admiral Potrowski said, spitting in his anger and pounding his clenched fist against the desk in front of him.  "This is an unmitigated disaster."

| read Lost Opportunity |

7 - Lost Reward
1100 words.

When the last of my crew had left the ship, off to visit family and friends and mistresses, I made ready to pilot the DeVille myself.  The Board could take all the time in the world to decide my punishment--but I wasn't foolish enough to be around when they'd made up their minds.  In a large universe such as ours, there were more than enough places to disappear in--places where one could change one's name and appearance, places where one could live out a whole new life, a life that didn't include whatever punishment the Board was cooking up for one in their depraved minds.

| read Lost Reward |

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