Personal Observations
By Oren the Otter

Joe's coffee house. That's what this place is called. That's what it is, too. It's totally ironic, though, since Joe's coffee house is perhaps the world's most popular hangout for plushies, and as everyone knows, plushies can't drink.

I've never managed to figure out how Joe makes a living off of this place, but he does it. Then again, with as much coffee as I drink, I could be supporting him myself.

Everybody's wondering, I know, what's going through my mind as I sit here scribbling on my little notepad. Don't know if I want to tell them, though. If some of them knew what I was writing about the antics that go on in this place, they might run away to a far corner of Tibet and hide from the world in embarrassment.

Marco would be the first there. I pity him sometimes. It's not bad enough that he is naturally timid as a chihuahua, but the poor lad was constructed out of broadcloth, a rather weak fabric, and he lives in perpetual fear of popping his seams.

Then there's Leo. Leo has a reason to hide out from the world, but unfortunately, everyone knows his story. It was pasted all over the news for months. "Plush lion mauls human" the headlines read. Was it really his fault, though? I mean, plushies are what they are meant to be. His creator had given him the personality of a bloodthirsty killing machine, so that's what he was. Later, when one person decided to have faith in Leo, it was enough to free him and allow him to develop his own persona. He really is sweet, too, but don't tell him I said that.

Then there's Fred. That's him in the corner, the teddy bear with the mismatched eyes and all the patches. He was one of the first plushies to come to life, and perhaps one of the smartest. No, without a doubt THE smartest. It was Fred, working with a team of human scientists, who figured out the reasons plushies were suddenly coming to life. He figured out that it was Pufflin.

"Pufflin". Sounds like something dreamed up by an advertising exec. Probably was, but it does sound better than "Organism zero point one alpha", which was its name when it was first imported to Earth.

Now that sounds weird. "Imported to Earth". But it was. After all, pufflin originated on the rogue planet Quvar.

I still remember that day. Quvar went almost unnoticed by astronomers because it entered our system perpendicular to the ecliptic. When they found it, though, they just HAD to go explore it. There has never even been a manned mission to Mars, but when they found out Quvar was going to come within kissing distance of Earth, they had to go check it out in person before it was gone forever.

We all know what they found... as soon as it got close to the sun, the whole planet became covered in a fast-growing cotton-like plant. When this plant was brought to Earth, it took to the soil like a native and spread like wildfire. The fluff proved to be lousy for spinning, so it wasn't used for fabric, but OH, the soft cushy stuffing it made.

How were we to know that the plants were actually the brain cells of a planet-wide entity and that the fibers would begin to form a neural net when subjected to heat?

But of course, you know this. Pardon my babbling, but the entire history of pufflin is fascinating to me.

A naturally forming neural net. Earth's scientists have been trying for eons to create an artificial one, and here one literally comes to us from out of the blue. You would think that Earth would be ready for this. But were they? No.

Stuffy is proof enough of this. She's the kangaroo over by the window. The pink one. She's had a hard life, indeed. To begin, she was owned by an abusive man who would beat her just for amusement. They say plushies can't feel pain. I'm here to tell you that this is a myth. Plushies have whatever senses we choose them to have. That is the nature of pufflin. It is thought responsive. It molds itself to our expectations. Treat it like a pillow, it's the most comfortable ergonomic pillow in the world. Treat it like a jacket lining and you'll never be cold again. Form it into an animal and you create a walking, talking, thinking being. Wish it to feel pain, as Stuffy's owner did, and it suffers.

Stuffy fled from her owner. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but she finally managed to leave him far behind. She struck out on her own, determined to live her own life, but it turned out not to be so easy. Nobody wanted to hire or house a stuffed kangaroo.

The truth is, most people still thought of plushies as toys. They simply weren't ready to accept the notion of plushies as people.

But, as Tom, our local philosopher will tell you... That's him on the mantle, by the way. He's the cat who's asleep up there. He'll tell you that the world will never truly be ready for anything. "The world is an organism that suffers from cyber- rejection." he'll say. "It simply cannot accept anything new."

Bob can tell you that for sure. Bob's not here today. He's appearing in court. Bob is the world's first and only plushie lawyer. It was extremely difficult for him to get established, being outwardly a small, purple duck with a large bottom. Inwardly, though, he is one of the cleverest, most cunning and thoroughly effective lawyers I have ever seen. He has done a lot for plushie rights. Why, just last year, he won Leroy the right to sew.

You wouldn't think sewing would be such a big thing, but there are so many people who believe that sewing should be the sole prerogative of humans. I don't understand why. I guess maybe they're afraid that if a plushie has the power to create other plushies, he'll raise up an army and conquer the world or something.

It couldn't be further from the truth, though. Leroy is the most compassionate five-foot rabbit I know. Of course, he's also the only five foot rabbit I know. Leroy just wants to help folks. He spends most of his time stitching others up, kind of like a doctor, only he doesn't often get paid for the work he does. I guess it's a good thing that plushies don't eat or drink, and therefore don't need as much money as most of us do.

I used to love how that fact baffled scientists. Where did plushies get their energy from if they didn't eat? Of course, we know now that pufflin lives by metabolizing energy, just like any plant, only instead of light, it uses a combination of heat and electromagnetic radiation in biological wavelengths, or "aura", as some call it. I guess that explains why they love hugs so much. For a plushie, a hug is a feast.

It's a good thing that they like warmth so much, at least for Joe. I've always thought that Joe must be part reptile, with the temperature he keeps this place. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, of course, but I can still feel just how hot it is.

His family and friends all told him the same thing, that he was an idiot for putting a coffee house in the middle of a desert city in a building with no air conditioning. I guess he showed them, though. Of course, since his livelihood does come primarily from his few human customers, they did finally manage to convince him to put in a small air conditioner at one end of the room for their comfort.

Joe's not a bad fellow at all, just a little stubborn sometimes.

Joe is talking to Sadie right now. Ah, lovely Sadie. She's one of Joe's human customers. Well, mostly anyway. Sadie is a piano player, but in a tragic accident several years ago, she lost her left arm and became unable to play. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do, but they were wrong. Sadie showed them. She was the first to realize the potential of pufflin in bionics. She made a quick sketch of what she wanted and took it to Leroy, who promptly sewed her a slip-on arm. Since pufflin is thought-responsive, it obeys her commands as if it were her own flesh. It is so simple, and yet sheer genius! The only problem is that she has to deal with the social stigma of being half plushie.

This is something I am all too familiar with. I am one who committed a great deal of his life to sewing plushies, even before they became animate. Once they did, I became a major advocate of plushie rights. I never expected to become one, though.

It was five years ago that I put on that suit. I had used the very best fake fur available, used the strongest thread, and meticulously hand-sewn every stitch from whisker to tail. And of course, to flesh it out into the form of an animal, I had stuffed it with the softest pufflin I could buy. Had I known of the properties of the alien fiber, I might never have put the suit on, but I did, and now it is permanently bonded to me. Oh, well. I guess there are worse things than being a human otter.

Well, it looks like Joe is closing up shop. Leroy is packing up his sewing, and Sadie is tightening the straps on her arm for the drive home. I guess I'd better wrap up too. I need to go home and get to bed. I have a long day tomorrow fighting for the rights of plushie kind.

Tomorrow's subject: The winged kangaroo.

-end