I smile acridly at the window. Rain is pouring against the windows. The trees waved against the strong wind.

Why do I smile?

Yesterday, he came to me. Smiling, also. For once. I have not seen him smile in a long time. And I treasured it.

He told me his wishes. He said that he wanted to wish me a happy birthday a day ahead. He wanted to be the first. And it made me very happy to hear him say it.

Then--in just one attack...

I stare blindly out of the window, my smile disappearing. Fighting back the sob that is forcing itself to rise out of my throat.

"Shuichi," my mother's voice calls from below. "Get ready! We're leaving in a few minutes."

"Hai," I reply without expression, continuing my staring and reminiscing.

A youkai had attacked us in the woods. Actually, it had just been me he was trying to attack.

I become angry. How DARE he jump in front of me! I should have been the one hurt, not him! ME who should have been lying on the ground, dead. Dying in his arms...not the other way around...

I killed the youkai immediately. He doesn't even meet to my powers, but he managed to kill Hiei.

MY Hiei.

Damn him to hell!

He whispered those three words I've always longed to hear from him. His expression of love...His eyes were longing, yet happy...I haven't seen that in him in a long, long time.

Why doesn't he fear death?

I held him. Crying, sobbing, screaming at him for leaving me.

He had put a hand on my cheeks, wiping away my tears. Then, he leaned against me, limp.

He was dead then.

"Hiei," I sobbed. "Don't die..."

But he didn't listen to me.

He is SO stubborn.

That was yesterday.

Of course, the pain still very deep. I called Yusuke and the others and told them of Hiei's death. In the middle of the night, we went to Genkai's temple and offered our prayers for him.

Then, they left me there, alone.

And I remembered.

Every memory killed me, too. I wished I were with him. I wish I were with him, now. But I am not. Why? Why can't I die with him?

"Shuichi!"

"Hai," I call back.

I put a hand against the cool windowpane, feeling the tap-tapping of the rain in the other side.

And I remember Yukina's tears.

Falling with mine.

Hiei...

"Come on, Niisan," a voice piped from behind the door. "You wouldn't want to miss your own birthday, don't you?"

"I wish," I sigh in my room.

Later, I will return to Genkai's temple. And remember. Maybe this time...it will kill me. The memories might kill me with grief. And, in release, I will join him.

I turn away from the window...from the rain.

It is time to join my family in celebrating my "birthday celebration". We are eating in a restaurant for a change.

To celebrate my birthday?

It doesn't seem right. It only seems right that I celebrate it for Hiei. Because he loved me...LOVES me still. As I love him.

I smile bitterly. "Happy birthday, Kurama," I whisper to myself softly as I turn away from the window.