"I'm gone!" he shouts before disappearing out of the door.

I raise my hand, a little wobbly. "Haaaai...come back early or you're grounded for a month," I yell after him.

I'm sure he hasn't heard me. And I'm sure that if he HAD, he wouldn't follow me.

I'm that kind of a mother.

I raise another bottle of sake to my lips. It is warm and soothing.

It makes me forget the past.

Damn, but it's been about thirteen years. Thirteen fucking years of spending alone. I've been kicked out of my family because of what I've done. Only one night...

I close my eyes.

...You're a bitch...

Those were my father's words to me. When I told him the news. I still remember that day. Of course I remember it! I remember it as if it happened yesterday.

I raise the bottle to my lips, scowling at the memory.

I had prepared a very special dinner. I had learned how to cook recently, and was preparing a feast.

Kaasan opened the door to the kitchen in the middle of my preparing. "Atsuko-chan," she said, "what's the occasion? Why are you doing this?!"

I smiled at him. "I just want to prove myself, Kaasan," I replied, smiling.

Kaasan was surprised, I know. I have always fought against doing most of what they want. And there I was, cooking dinner!

"Ah--of course you do, Atsuko." She smiled. "Why don't you let me help."

I shook my head, pushing her away. "Iie! You go out and wait for Tousan, ne?"

She protested mildly, but I know she doesn't mind. But my heart almost stopped when she turned to me and touched my hand. "Atsuko...you look pale."

I felt startled. No! She isn't supposed to know that until I tell them later! I tried to smile. "I just have a small headache, Kaasan. Nothing serious."

She frowned at my words. "Then...shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I just want to cook, Kaasan," I said firmly. "Now, get out of here and I'll do all the work."

She protested mildly, but obeyed.

I was in the middle of cutting the carrots when my brother Haji walked in. "Oi, onechan," he greeted, then frowned. "What're you trying to do...poison us?"

I scowl at him. "Get out of here before I cut off your miserable hair," I growl.

He touches his long black hair consciously. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me."

He fled.

Finally, I had everything ready. My heart was pounding against my ribs when I heard them settle in the dining room. I laid the food in front of them.

Tousan, who had arrived from work, smiled. "Ahh...so THIS is what your Kaasan was worried about? I'm more worried I'll faint of joy."

I smiled, but inwardly winced. They will soon know...I felt something moved in my stomach, but I ignore it. Instead, I sat down at my usual place on the floor, ready to eat.

Tousan took the first bite. He smiled, lowering his chopsticks while chewing. "This is...exquisite, Atsuko," he told me.

I blushed. "Arigato gozaimasu, Tousan," I said softly.

Haji shrugged. "Well, it IS pretty good," he admitted.

I grin at him.

"So, does this mean that you've already forgotten about that Yori guy?" Tousan finally asked.

Everyone froze, including myself.

Finally, I cleared my throat. *Oh, Lord, how am I going to say this to them...?* "Uh...actually, Tousan, you can say that," I started.

"Good." Tousan started eating once more. "Because I don't approve of him."

I swallowed hard. "I know, Tousan, you made this clear for the past five months."

"How did he take it?" Kaasan asked, obviously relieved. She hasn't said anything about Yori, but I knew she didn't like him, also.

"Ah--he was the one who made the move." I squirm uncomfortably.

"Why, he was tired of you already?" Haji quipped.

Tousan and I glared at him. "For your information, I agreed with him that it wasn't such a hot idea already," I retorted.

"Yeah, and five months ago, you were raving about him like mad."

I didn't want to remember it. Wished desperately that Haji didn't mention it. Those nights Tousan and I had spent arguing about Yori, Kaasan crying in the darkness, Haji disappearing into his room from the house. "That was--that was then," I whisper.

Then, to my horror, I burst out crying.

Kaasan was immediately at my side. "Oh, Atsuko, honey, Haji didn't mean it," she soothed.

"It's--it's not that," I sobbed. Oh my God. Only fifteen years old and already, my life's going from bad to worse. Ever since I learned last week...

Suddenly, I felt sick. "Excuse me," I whispered, pushing Kaasan away.

"Atsuko--"

I ran towards the bathroom and locked myself in it. *Not now, not again...* I thought, kneeling beside the toilet. I poured what I ate for dinner and for lunch there for about five minutes, staying at that position for five more minutes. I was sick. I was REALLY sick.

Finally, I stood up and washed my face. I was crying, also. This is such a damned place. Damn Yori for what he made me do! Damn him!

I washed my face, cry again, then washed my face again. Finally, I dared to look at the mirror. It looked to me that nothing happened. I put a hand on my waist, on my stomach. I felt something hard kicking.

I put a hand on my stomach, pressing it. "Stop it!" I whisper fiercely.

I opened the door quietly and returned to the dining room.

Everything had been cleaned out, and everyone were silent. I sat down once more, my head bowed.

"Tell me what happened," Tousan said quietly.

I feel tears in my eyes again, but I blinked them away, pushing my brown hair out of my eyes. "I--I'm pregnant," I said quietly.

I guess they knew, but hearing it was still hard. I watched their reactions carefully. Kaasan looked pale, very pale. Haji was staring at me, confused. And Tousan...Tousan looked about ready to kill.

Who? Yori? Or me?

I didn't want to know the answer.

"I'm pregnant," I repeated. "And Yori is--the father."

Tousan turned red. "You're only fifteen," he said in a hard voice.

I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Where's Yori?" Kaasan asked faintly.

I shrugged. "He--took off when he--learned."

"I'll kill him," Tousan said.

I looked up. "NO! Tousan--"

"Don't you DARE call me that!" Tousan shouted. "You're not my daughter! How DARE you call me Tousan when you go around sleeping with any men you meet?! You're not my daughter! You're just a bitch!"

THAT stung me.

"You have to go," my father continued. "Go somewhere...Tokyo. Make yourself a home there."

"So no one'd know how much your daughter disgraced you?" I asked bitterly.

"Yes." Tousan said it simply.

Kaasan nearly fainted. "Koji!" she cried. "No!"

I stood up. I'm not going to beg for their forgiveness. I'm not going to ask for their acceptance. I am me. And I will not be their daughter if they didn't want me. "Fine," I said quietly. "I'll leave tonight."

"Atsuko, NO!" Kaasan cried, turning to me and grabbing my hand. "You don't have to leave!"

"No, Kaasan," I told her firmly. "I have to. I'm not welcome here anymore." I walked out of the room.

I can hear Kaasan crying. "Koji, STOP her!"

"There's nothing I can do. I've made up my mind, and she's made up hers," Tousan said grimly.

I began to pack my bags and my belongings. I have enough money. I can survive. Without them, I can survive.

There is a knock on my door and I turned to see Haji enter. He was smiling softly. "Oi, Oneechan," he said softly.

"Hey." I returned to my packing.

"I just want to tell you...that..." He sounded really awkward. "Well...that even if you're going, I want to hear from you. You're--pretty cool--standing up to Tousan like that. For what you believe."

I turned to him, holding his hand. "Come with me, Haji."

Haji met my eyes, then shook his head. "I can't," he said softly. "I have to be here for them. Now that you're going..."

"I understand." I hugged him. "Arigato, Haji-san."

Haji returned my embrace. "Just because you're not Tousan's daughter anymore, I'm still your brother."

I hugged him harder.

I left in the middle of the night.

Kaasan had slipped me a few more money. "Just in case," she whispered softly, before leaving my room.

I didn't see Tousan--no, not anymore Tousan, but that stranger--when I went out. I didn't want to.

When I was sitting at the train station, I stare at the picture of my family, the photo picture I had taken from my room.

So happy then.

But I will be much happier, I thought to myself firmly. I'll be happier on my own.

My stomach moved.

I touched it tenderly. "I'll make a home for you," I whispered. "For only you and me. We're going to be a team. We're going to make them sorry."

The train going to Tokyo arrived. I took one look at the family picture, then threw it into the nearby bushes.

~ * ~

I drink another bottle of sake. "I showed ya!" I shout to the entire house. "I showed you all! I'm a mother now! And I have a son who can stand up on his two feet, even if he's only thirteen! He'll survive many other problems, worse than mine!"

I raise the bottle into a toast. With no one.

I rub my eyes. "To my life! And to Yusuke. And to all the arrogant sons of bitches like Yori for giving me Yusuke."

I drink the sake in one gulp, finishing the whole bottle. I discover that in a short time only, every liquid's gone.

I throw it to the other side of the room. It shatters into a million pieces against the wall.

"That's what I think of you, TOUSAN!" I scream to no one in particular.

Then, I sit down and cry.